Am I being too sensitive?

kammlm · May 2010

I posted awhile ago (I think right when I got to the second tri point) about DH not wanting to tell anyone that baby #2 is on the way. DH hasn't told anyone at work, with the exception of his boss, that he'll be needing some time off in October. DH finally sent an email this past Friday to his close friends telling them the news, and I was so happy, until he told me that he asked them not to tell anyone and basically said that he only told them because they were close friends...that he didn't want the news to "get out to the general public"....yeah those were the words he used...crazy DH. Okay, don't get me wrong, I understand about being a little hesitant in the first tri - heck, I was even hesitant - but come on, we're almost halfway through this pregnancy and he doesn't want it to "get out" that baby #2 is on the way? We have our big ultrasound on Monday and are hoping to find out if it's a boy or a girl and he doesn't want the "general public" to know that I'm having another baby?! When does he plan on telling people or does he not and just plan on taking off from work and letting others just see our family of 4 when they see us??? Am I being overly sensitive here?

mkoelker · May 2010

Has he given you a good reason as to why he doesn't want people to know?

andrea z · May 2010

The only people that knew we were pregnant again were are parents until about 17 weeks. I STILL felt a little worried about announcing at 17 weeks. DH wanted to let the world know, so I finally agreed.... but I wasn't *really* ready.

Once we had our big u/s and I knew he was healthy and happy... I started to feel a little more confident. Now that we hit 24 weeks, I am much more confident. I would give him a little more time.... maybe after the big u/s he will feel more confident about telling the world.

kammlm · May 2010

mkoelker:
Has he given you a good reason as to why he doesn't want people to know?

Not really. He just says that he likes to keep his personal life private. I understand that, but I think this is a little different.

kammlm · May 2010

andrea z:

The only people that knew we were pregnant again were are parents until about 17 weeks. I STILL felt a little worried about announcing at 17 weeks. DH wanted to let the world know, so I finally agreed.... but I wasn't *really* ready.

Once we had our big u/s and I knew he was healthy and happy... I started to feel a little more confident. Now that we hit 24 weeks, I am much more confident. I would give him a little more time.... maybe after the big u/s he will feel more confident about telling the world.

At first I thought it was because he just wanted to be sure the baby was okay and that's part of the reason why we had the NT scan done. I think part of what's adding to it is that I'm really showing a lot earlier this time around. I look like I did at about 23 weeks with DS and it's kind of hard to hide it, especially with the weather getting warmer. I tried to tell him that people would probably be better with hearing it from him instead of seeing me and feeling like he hadn't told them, but he disagrees...not that I see a lot of his coworkers or friends a lot, but still.

mkoelker · May 2010

kammlm:
mkoelker:
Has he given you a good reason as to why he doesn't want people to know?
Not really. He just says that he likes to keep his personal life private. I understand that, but I think this is a little different.

I would maybe ask him for a direct reason as to why he wants to keep it a secret (still). Hopefully you guys can end up on the same page about it!

pepomntpat · May 2010

I really think that when it comes to his coworkers he gets to decide. I don't think he should try to keep you from telling who you want to though. I think that is what I said last time.

andrea z · May 2010

kammlm:
andrea z:

The only people that knew we were pregnant again were are parents until about 17 weeks. I STILL felt a little worried about announcing at 17 weeks. DH wanted to let the world know, so I finally agreed.... but I wasn't *really* ready.

Once we had our big u/s and I knew he was healthy and happy... I started to feel a little more confident. Now that we hit 24 weeks, I am much more confident. I would give him a little more time.... maybe after the big u/s he will feel more confident about telling the world.

At first I thought it was because he just wanted to be sure the baby was okay and that's part of the reason why we had the NT scan done. I think part of what's adding to it is that I'm really showing a lot earlier this time around. I look like I did at about 23 weeks with DS and it's kind of hard to hide it, especially with the weather getting warmer. I tried to tell him that people would probably be better with hearing it from him instead of seeing me and feeling like he hadn't told them, but he disagrees...not that I see a lot of his coworkers or friends a lot, but still.

I can understand that. I had a stranger at Target ask me what I was having at like 15 weeks. I am SURE most of our friends knew well before we told them.... but I just felt really uncomfortable accepting this baby as a possible take home baby (that sounds horrible... but it is true).

k1eine_maus · May 2010

I agree with a pp about trying to ask him why he is hesitant. It's going to become obvious pretty soon. But I kind of understand if he is just worried about something still happening. I am past my first trimeester now and I still feel anxious at times. GL and good to see you! I haven't seen you much here lately.

kammlm · May 2010

Thanks ladies for your thoughts! They definitely help :-)

k1eine_maus:
I agree with a pp about trying to ask him why he is hesitant. It's going to become obvious pretty soon. But I kind of understand if he is just worried about something still happening. I am past my first trimeester now and I still feel anxious at times. GL and good to see you! I haven't seen you much here lately.

It's good to see you too! I can't believe you're out of your first tri - time is flying!!! I'm not on here much anymore...I try to get on when I can, but that's not often with DS cutting back on his naps. How are you feeling?

KelzinBoston · May 2010

We waited to tell close friends/family until after 13 weeks and didn't tell work/friends etc until after out big u/s at 17.5 weeks. We were both on the same page though...for us it was just nice to have it be our own thing for awhile. I definitely saw no reason in waiting past then though...I'm huge and work was spreading, so we were actually at the point of "we better tell people so they hear it from us and not from the rumor mill or hear about it when we pop the baby out" point.

Maybe talk to him and see if spreading the news once the big u/s is done with would work for you both? I liked spreading the news to the masses that DS was having a baby brother...made it so we didn't need 2 announcements.

TravelinMama · May 2010

My dh is a very private person, doesn't like to mix business with pleasure unless it's good work friends that he also sees outside work, but with anyone he keeps to himself. Is this a possibility with your dh?

k1eine_maus · May 2010

kammlm:

Thanks ladies for your thoughts! They definitely help :-)

k1eine_maus:
I agree with a pp about trying to ask him why he is hesitant. It's going to become obvious pretty soon. But I kind of understand if he is just worried about something still happening. I am past my first trimeester now and I still feel anxious at times. GL and good to see you! I haven't seen you much here lately.

It's good to see you too! I can't believe you're out of your first tri - time is flying!!! I'm not on here much anymore...I try to get on when I can, but that's not often with DS cutting back on his naps. How are you feeling?

Understand about nap time. I don't know what I am going to do when ds doesn't want to nap anymore -yikes. I am doing ok. I've been pretty sick this time around and now I've got a nasty cold on top of things but other than that things are going well. We did the NT scan last week and everything looked great. So i was very relieved. Take care of yourself and hope you are able to get on the same page as DH on the sharing of the news.

Want a personalized experience?

Am I being too sensitive?

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards