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3rd Trimester
serarose
member
natural birth pooh-poohing?
serarose
member
For those of you planning to go au natural - has this been a part of your experience too, and if so what do you do with it?
Provided that everything goes normally, my husband and I are committed to having an unmedicated natural birth because we want to and think it's the best decision for us. A lot of people have passed along what worked for them, like "be sure to ask for the epidural right away!" which we usually just smile and move on from because it's not worth getting into a discussion every time. But when closer people ask about our plans or our Bradley classes, they give these tender smiles to us and say something along the lines of "well, you'll see how it is when you get there" or "everyone who makes a birth plan is guaranteed to have a c-section!" or "I know I could never handle that pain - what on earth are you trying to prove?"
In a certain sense it's a whatever - I know that people give advice about what worked for them. They mean well but just can't fathom doing it any way except what worked for them. On the other hand, I've started to worry a little about the power of suggestion. I have no illusions that it's going to be a piece of cake and it's a bit of a drag to not have support from... well, actually anyone outside of our Bradley class. Everyone else just treats it like we don't know what we're talking about and isn't that cute that I think I'm going to try something like that and it's gotten a bit grating to not have anyone in our circle say "how cool" or "I know you can do it." Instead, their response is basically, "well if it's that hard, just take the medicine!"
I think where I'm coming from with all of this is that *I* know I can do this, but it's nice when you're facing something really hard to not be alone in that mindset. I don't want to be obligated to acknowledge caveats to my plan ("of course if everything goes according to plan") every time someone inquires about it. I feel like it would be the same if they were getting ready to, say, sit for the bar exam and instead of wishing them luck and encouragement, I pointed out that 50% of people fail it on their first try - just not cool.
Ah well, vent over. :-) I'd be interested in your takes on this.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: natural birth pooh-poohing?
People are so judgmental about everything having to do with how you handle your pregnancy and labor.
My favorite is that my mom responded to my desire to have a natural birth with, "Well I had meds and I think you turned out just fine!"
Like my choice had anything to do with her, or her decisions, or reflect on her in any way shape or form. ugh!
We have gotten a lot of negativity about our choice to have a natural birth too. Even DH's family members that "act" supportive to our faces we found out have been saying other things behind our backs.
If tylenol is the strongest thing you can have during pregnancy...then i dont see how it is safe to load up on all kinds of drugs during labor. Not only that but women have been giving birth since LONG before there were epidurals.
I just wish that people would respect our choice, even if it isnt what they would choose for themselves.
everyone thinks im crazy and say that just get the pain killers. i just smile and say when you are the one going through it then you can drug your child. and i walk away. i cant deal with stupidity.
i dont understand why people try to talk me out of it
I plan of holding off on an epi for as long as I can. I don't have any illusions about going natural, but if I can handle the pain, I may as well skip the epi...
You've prepared yourself as best you can- you've got the right mindframe- I know you can do it! GL girlie
Ultimately, take the encouragement that you do get and ignore the rest. Your H seems to be very supportive and you should take that and run with it. He's the one that will be there in the end anyway.
I have had two natural births (by natural, I mean no drugs, I was induced once), and I plan on doing it that way again. My SIL is on the other end of the spectrum. She insists that she wishes she could have had a C-Section rather than delivering vaginally. She had an epidural. She always tells me "why go through all of that pain if you don't have to?" I just smile and say, "we all do things our own way, right?" It's true, things don't always go according to plan, but you can try for YOUR ideal delivery, whatever that may be. None of those people who have their negative comments will be in the delivery room with you (I'm assuming), so their opinions don't matter anyway. Keep your head up! You can do it!
My side of the family is actually pretty supportive, I think because the women have a habit of quicker labors (KNOCK ON WOOD). They know it can be done and that we're really stubborn ladies:)
My husband's family/friends on the other hand look at me like I'm crazy when I say there is no official plan and I'll get an epi if I really need to but prefer not to. It might be the support I get from my family but it pisses me off way more when I hear the doubters, like do they even know me really??
People always will think their way is the best way, I just wish some knew how to stay outta our business a little better!
Also, my H says this to me all the time- "What one woman can do, another can do!"
I think he stole that quote froma movie called The Edge but it's comforting nonetheless
What really gets me is when people say "Well, you don't get a medal for going natural!"
Um, I'm not doing it because I think I get a medal! I'm doing it b/c I think it's what's best for myself and the baby, and I have confidence that my body can do it. If we NEED interventions, that's another thing, but I'm not just going to say "Stick me in the back!" as soon as I show up to the hospital!
I agree with a pp - I haven't spent the last 9 months avoiding tylenol, allergy meds and lunch meat to suddenly decide that heavy painkillers are okay during the last few hours!
My first was completely natural...not even an IV! (not a good idea, I ended up really dehydrated). My 2nd I opted for pain meds. You can do it natural, women have for thousands of years! Funny thing...when I told MIL I was going with the drugs again this time her response was the opposite of what you're getting...she said, "Why would you do that?" She was assuming I would go natural!
Whenever someone asks me or mentions thier plans I always try to tell them do what YOU feel is right. I have the ability to look back and say i did it both ways and honestly neither one was a "better" experience than the other. Both were unique and rewarding/difficult in their own ways. I will say I don't fuss too much with birth plans...i just have a "general frameworK' because you can't predict any labor/delivery so too much detail doesn't make sense. You have a great attitude and I'm glad you see that people give advice from thier own experience and usually mean well...it's thier way of trying to help/participate/etc.
ITA
For me, having an incredibly supportive husband was the most helpful thing in achieving my Bradley birth. We ended up encountering negativity at the hospital (from a few of the nurses) which was disappointing. Just know what you want to accomplish and focus on that. It was hard, but I'm glad I did it and I'm so proud of myself.
Good luck!
BF help & support * My Charts
You guys are wonderful - thank you! :-) Fantastic reality check. I was starting to get a bit worried that the doubt would seep in when things got/get hard for me and that my only points of reference would be to turn toward the meds, but you're right - my DH is committed to helping me through this the way we've planned.
All best wishes to all of you too!!
I really don't think that people are trying to be negative and look down at your or try to push their choices onto you. I was paranoid of getting a needle in my back and truly thought that I could handle the pain, I have felt pain in my life and have pushed through it, and I figured that child birth was a natural part of life, I should be able to handle it.
I was on pitocin because my fluid was leaking and the contactions came on like no other when my water broke. I was still, epi free. At 8cm, I broke down and begged for the epi. The pain was so intense, something I could never have imagined. I got the epi, and it failed to work. I felt the whole birth, the episitomy, and DS coming through my hips. I kept screaming that I thought they were breaking, It was such a terrible birthing experience. I was very disappointed.
So when people tell you that you should wait and see, I don't think they are being mean. I had the same intentions that you do, but child birth is really a painful, overwhelming experience, I just think that new moms should always enter it with an open mind.
On a side note, I got my epi right away with DS#2 and the birth was completely painfree and so amazing. I was clear minded in was mentally present for the whole thing. I also had energy to enjoy my son right after the birth.
I really do hope your birth plan works for you, because its an amazing experience and something to be proud of, med free or not.
Honestly, I think sometimes women who choose to go natural explain their reasons in ways that insinuate that a medicated birth is harmful to the baby. Therefore if I have a medicated birth I am harming my child. It makes people defensive.
I was open with my daughter as to whether I would medicate or not and decided to play it by ear. I wasn't committed which I imagine you need to be to go through with an un-medicated birth. But I'm comfortable with my choice for an epidural and am fairly sure I'll have one this time. I can't even have an un-medicated pregnancy- I've taken Tylenol and Sudafed when needed so far!
When it comes down to it, I have no emotional investment in how anyone else has their baby. Do what makes you happy.
I think I'm going to go into business making natural birth medals... just to mess with the jerks who say, "You know you don't get a medal for that..."
Anyway- I have done it twice (drug free VBACS) and not only was it totally do-able... it was a truly joyous and fantastic experience. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
I also used to be a bicycle racer... when the whole thing was over I felt almost pissed about all the overblown hype about how horrible birth pain is etc etc... my experience was that the pain was a hell of a lot easier than a mountain hill climb in a bicycle race... and you got BIG breaks in between the CTX to catch your breath and regroup... something that you can never do in a race- you'd just get trounced!
Now... maybe it sounds like I'm getting back into a competition mindset...when I'm giving birth it's all about me and my baby- I could care less what other women are doing... but can you imagine a bunch of racers at the starting line yelling to their support crew- GET ME AN EPI!! I need an epidural NOW!!!" No... that would be absurd- the pain of the effort is a part of the joy... sure there are many people who would rather not do that... fine- it's not your thing, but other people actually enjoy being in touch with their body and the challenge of doing something you have never done before... and the pain is not the pain of being sick or injured- it's the pain of your body working- what's to fear about that?
my mom says that about everything. including trying to lend me recalled baby gear - because it didn't kill me as a baby.
FYI-
I don't have scoliosis, but I did have a spinal cord injury (incomplete at C2) and have the mildest form of spina bifida (occulta). I had a lumbar puncture when I got meningitis and leaked spinal fluid for months, had multiple (unsuccessful) blood patches, was completely paralyzed from the level of the lumbar puncture down for several days, then have been in a wheelchair since.
I was told that due to how I reacted to the lumbar puncture, neither an epidural or spinal would be good. if I have a c-section I'm better off with general anesthesia or some alternative local.