How DH sees me

vantinewine · May 2010

I have heard stories of these women whose husbands find them very feminine and sexy during pregnancy, and this is NOT my situation.

He's not touching me as much, and most of my attempts to get him in the mood are unsuccessful.

We were in bed this morning, and I mentioned to him that I have felt very sexy since I've been pregnant, to which he replied, "that's great, I'm happy to hear that." I then told him that I wasn't getting the feeling that he felt very attracted to me lately, and got crickets. When I pushed him, he said that pregnancy is not a sexy thing and while he loves me it's hard to see past the pregnancy.

I have never had major self confidence issues, but I am worried if I lose my confidence and sexuality I will never get it back. And what am I supposed to do for the next few months if I lose not only that part of my identity, but the sex goes too?

alwayzflirtin87 · May 2010

I think it's very good that you still feel sexy. I do not and I struggle with it sometimes. I feel like because I dont have a bump yet I am just huge and fat and ugly. My boyfriend says this isn't the case but I still have a hard time feeling good about myself! Keep up your confidence!!!

JaimeCH · May 2010

I'm so sorry to hear that. It is nice that your hubby feels he can be open and honest with you about his feelings, especially on such a touchy topic, but it has to sting a little. My libido has been way down in the second tri, and I am scared of that "use it or lose it" thought too. I would express how what he said makes you feel, and maybe dive a little further into his feelings. Maybe he just needs some reassurance that he won't hurt the baby or something. Sorry you are going through this!

southernsweetieal · May 2010

Dont let him make you feel bad, if you feel sexy then you are. 99% of being sexy and attractive is how you carry yourself, and allow others to perceive you. If he is uncomfortable with the baby bump maybe you could get him at night and in a position where the bump isnt so noticeable and he can concentrate on feelings and not on looks, but dont let him get you down or make you feel self conscious.

Sweets2005 · May 2010

I'm so sorry Your DH is being a jerk. You are creating a life. HIS CHILD!

Maybe he just needs some time to come around.

HUGS!

denise_m · May 2010

I think it's great that you feel sexy and your dh loves you enough to be honest with you.

For some men, pregnancy is really hard for them. Try to initiate sex more, or do other intimate things, like having him rub your belly while spooning and talking about baby, let him rub your feet and rub his too.

ErinMSB · May 2010

"...but I am worried if I lose my confidence and sexuality I will never get it back."

IME, this is a somewhat valid concern, on a temporary basis anyway. Like you, I've got pretty good self-esteem when it comes to DH and our sex life. But when I was pregnant with DD, my DH was kind of stand-offish. I had raging teenage-like hormones and DH just wanted to go to sleep! (In retrospect, I didn't realize how much pressure he was feeling about having a new baby too.) Eventually, I told him that he needed to just suck it up and do it because it was affecting our relationship. He did, but I think it was kind of too little too late. I lost part of my "I'm curvy and sexy and beautiful" pregnant feeling. And then after DD was born, I was incredibly self-conscious of my body. I kept thinking that if DH didn't like my pregnant body, what the heck was he thinking of my postpartum flabby stretch-marked leaky mess-of-a-body?!

So be honest with your DH. But be tough. Tell him that this is something he just needs to do for you. Period. And then enjoy it! And keep thinking "I'm curvy and sexy and beautiful" because you are!

And just an fyi, this pregnancy is totally different. I don't know if he was really listening last time or what, but now it's like we both have teenage-like hormones! And our relationship is much better this time for it.

yeshuahamasshiah · May 2010

You need to talk to your DH pronto. Tell him you appreciate him being completely honest but that it takes two to tango and you didn't make this baby happen on your own. So, to continue a healthy relationship, "sex" has to also continue, preggo or not.

I know I have been having crazy sexy dreams and I am very sex driven at the moment. DH is up for it sometimes and the rest I take care of myself. This at least releases me and I don't feel frustrated.

Good luck and kudos on your self confidence, don't let his "rejection" (for lack of a better word) bring you down!

06162006bride · May 2010

My hubby is being very affectionate, but says its strange to think of me sexually because there is something in me growing and he can't get over it. Men! I don't feel sexy either but am continuing to work out and determined to look hotter then hell when I am post baby. Then when he wants sex, well its just wierd to think of him that way now that he is a father )-

I will put out just kidding... but I know how you feel. I am not asking anymore, whatever.

*KC*luvs*RJ* · May 2010

My DH feels the same way during pregnancy, and I had a hard time when I was pregnant with DS. However, as soon as he was born, DH wanted to be all over me all the time. I really hope you DH is the same way. It was just the constant thought that I was carrying his child...it freaked him out and he saw me as the person carrying that child NOT a sexy wife. lol. Hang in there. It sucks, but it'll be ok!

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