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Alabama Babies
FutureMrsWagner
member
Irritated...Vent...Long...
FutureMrsWagner
member
Okay, 2 things are just bugging me right now, so I figured I'd vent here so that I don't vent to anyone in person! Sorry!
About a month ago, I got a mass email from someone I know saying that there was a mother asking for help. Her 18 year old daughter is having a baby and they have nothing. I think they are a low income family. I felt really sorry for her and especially for the baby not having anything so I set out to collect stuff for her. I have been collecting for about a month from people I know...my moms groups, bible study ladies, etc. I have gotten so many great things donated for her...crib, changing table, hi-chair, stroller, Bumbo, clothes, diapers, wipes, onesies, bath stuff, etc. This stuff has taken over my dining room, garage and Jim's truck. That's fine, ya know...no big deal...it's worth it to help someone. Whatever... But, the problem is, now that I have everything for her, I can't reach her! I have called and called and called and they don't answer or return my calls. She lives in Athens, so it's going to be about a 40 minute drive for me just to take her the stuff (which, again, I'm happy to do) but I just need to schedule a time with her and get the address, ya know! I'm just irritated because I am trying to do something nice for someone and it's becoming such an ordeal. I'm ready to get all of this stuff out of our house and truck and now I don't know if I'm even going to be able to get it to her. ARGH! I just can't believe they aren't returning my calls. WTH?!?!
Okay, the other thing... I have a friend who had her baby today. There is a group of us who always celebrate eachother birthdays, baby showers, births, etc. Anytime one of us has a baby we set up a dinner schedule and take meals to eachother. Well, we got an email from her sister the other day basically saying that she does not want visitors at the hospital. That it would "stress her out". Also, we shouldn't go to her house to see the baby either until her In-Laws are gone. Oh, and by the way, don't bother bringing meals to them either but instead we should donate money so that they can get a ham, bagels and bottled water. OKAAAAYYY???? What???? I'm sorry, I just think this is strange! I will respect whatever they want. I won't go to the hospital or their house and I will give money toward the food, but I just think it is super weird! It's like they aren't allowing anyone to celebrate the birth of this baby with them. And, it's their first! The worst part is, I think her husband will be really disapppointed by all of this. He is so excited about this baby and is always the first one to visit all of us in the hospital when we have babies. He is a very social guy and is so proud to be a Daddy. I wonder if he even knows this email was sent out. So, whatever, I know this is none of my business and I have no right to judge or even be irritated by this, but I am!
Okay, there! Done! Thanks for "listening" if you've made it this far! LOL!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Irritated...Vent...Long...
I would be frustrated by both too. Especially the first...sounds kind of strange.
And I can't believe that the new family is ASKING you all for money. Don't want dinner...fine. Why not suggest gift cards--but straight up asking for money?!
Ok, so for #1......if you don't ever hear from them, I have a great charity in Athens that will be absolutely ecstatic to take the stuff. It's not a re-sale shop, instead it goes to a family resource center for an abused womens shelter. They give "mommy bucks" to moms in need, so that they can "buy" from this place, after they've taken parenting classes, etc.... I'm going to donate a lot of C.'s unused stuff there (swing, bouncy, play-gym, exersaucer, etc...). Regardless, it still SUCKS that they're not answering your calls, after all the attempts that you've made and all the work you've done collecting stuff!
As for #2....WTF?!?! Asking for money.....wrong wrong wrong. I would not give them money based on that at freakin' all! How RUDE! I get not wanting visitors at the hospital and waiting to visit until family is gone, BUT asking people to NOT bring over meals and just give us money instead.....yah right! I have a feeling that your friend and her husband will be mortified that someone sent that out on their behalf. TACKY TACKY TACKY!!!
Yup perfectly alright to be irritated on both accounts. It's so hard to believe that someone would be hard to get a hold of that is really in need. I would jump for joy is someone gave me half that stuff. And I have gotten really excited with the few things that family and friends have given me.
Number two. So stinky. I'd personally e-mail either the mom or the dad directly. To make sure it's what they really want. In the e-mail you could offer to hold off the meals until after the in-laws leave so that they have an easier transition time after wards. It sounds like the sister just doesn't want to be forced to eat something she might not want. I can understand saying that they rather have money from meals if the baby was in NICU and there was going to be massive medical bills or something. But straight out saying oh we want it for food... just doesn't sound right.
Well that is my two cents. Hope the rest of your evening goes better.
grrr...both are so irritating.
I'm sorry you're dealing with all of that
I was going to post something very similar to Fran. I completely agree... donate it to a nonprofit organization that can use it. If these people don't get back to you quickly, they don't deserve it.
As far as #2, I can totally understand not wanting visitors at the hospital or when you first get home. Honestly, I'm glad that we dn't live in the same town as all of our family so that we didn't have a ton of people at the hospital. When we first got home, due to some stress and jaundice issues, our LC advised us not to have any visitors for the first week. Best decision we made yet.
BUT, having said all that, that is SO TACKY for them to ask for money! I also think you should email the parents directly and talk to them about it. I think part of this may just be the sister. I would instead offer to just bring dinner after the inlaws are gone. (this is what our sunday school class does. They always start the dinner rotations after family have left.) If they don't want that, I wouldn't give them anything. Asking for money is tacky!!
natural m/c and d&c at 10 weeks - 1/24/2014
DX w/ hetero C677t and A1298C MTHFR - 3/4/2014
Thanks ladies. I will definitely donate the items to a charity if I'm not able to get in touch with that girl. I'm going to give it until the weekend. Fran...what is the name of the one you mentioned?
I guess I'm just so different from some people in that one of the things I look forward to after having a baby is all the company and all the celebration. I love, love, love having people come to the hospital to visit and over to the house. It's so exciting to me! I know it's a stressful time and all, but it's such a short amount of time too while the baby is sooooo tiny and in that newborn phase. I wouldn't want any of my family or friends to miss out on that time. It's just hard for me to relate to her and understand why she would want to alienate her friends from such a sweet, wonderful time. But, alas, it's not up to me and so I will respect their wishes! (Even though I think it's weird! LOL!)
It's called the Family Resource Center. I still need to go and find it myself. I'll let you know when I find out more.
Re # 1: I'm sorry you are going through this after working so hard to help this family. Hopefully you will get in touch with them soon.
Re # 2: I have a sister who would send an e-mail like that without telling me. I would e-mail or text your friends husband and ask what they would like.
Well, I'm sure to repeat what pp's have said, but I would be annoyed too!
That was so kind and generous of you to collect all those things for that family - surely you will be able to find a good home for them if this falls through!
As for the friend, yes, the money request is totally bizzare and inappropriate. I would bring them dinner whether they like it or not (but I'm feeling especially b!tchy today...) But, I was like them in not really wanting a lot of visitors in the hospital or at the house - I liked having 2 weeks or so to get in a routine - but always welcomed meals!
i'm one of those weirdos.
we won't be having *anyone* visiting for the first couple of weeks after we come home - not family, not friends, no one. i don't know your friend's reasoning, but for us, it is *very* important for us to get the time to bond, uninterrupted with our new LO. and to set up a routine, and figure out what it is he needs from us. it's not about "alienating" ourselves from anyone. we just want to be with him alone, and be a family, esp since this is our 1st. i also get really stressed out when i have people in my personal space, b/c i feel as though i have to focus on them and their needs. and i don't want to have any distractions during this time. i know they grow/change so quickly, but the baby will still be there, and you can still have time to love on him/her when they allow visitors over.
that said, i do think it's weird to ask for $$. and if i were you, i would also be irritated.
and i also completely understand why you are irritated with the first issue.
TTC #2 since 4/09
Unexplained Secondary IF
*****************************
4 failed rounds of clomid ~ 4 failed IUIs ~ 1 m/c
2/3/11: IUI #5 - Femara/Follistim/Ovidrel/Crinone = BFP (2/14)!!!
Beta #1 (12dpiui): 53 Beta #2 (14dpiui): 203 Beta #3 (20dpiui): 3932 Beta #4 (28dpiui): 60,775
1st U/S (3/3): 2 sacs & yolks 2nd U/S (3/8) 2 heartbeats-TWINS!
Baby A:6w6d HR 131 Baby B:6w4d HR 124
TWINS!! EDD 10/25/2011
This is me too! I wanted everyone and their babysitter to come and visit, but living so far from home hindered a lot of that
So sorry you are dealing with these people, when you are trying to do something great for them!
I'm not going to reitterate what everyone else has said...but here's one question I have on the food thing...even if they don't want visitors it is possible to quickly drop food off at a house without disturbing anyone...so why would they turn that away? I think the sister took it upon herself to write that email. Either way asking for money is just rude! Sorry you had to deal with that!