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Parenting after a Loss
What would you do differently next time?
If you have another (or if not, answer for a "theoretical" baby), what would you do differently in your pregnancy, labor and early parenting?
What have you learned?
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Re: What would you do differently next time?
PREGNANCY: I'm going to try not to stress out so much. Now that I have a successful pregnancy instead of everything ending badly, I'm hoping to be able to enjoy being pregnant instead of always looking for signs that something's wrong.
LABOR: I'm not going to have as many expectations for myself. If I get a happy baby, that will be plenty for me! I spent a ton of time planning a waterbirth that didn't end up happening and I was very disappointed. So, I'd love to try for another waterbirth, but if it doesn't work out I won't mind.
PARENTING: I will set up an LC appointment from the hospital if needed! I waited way too long and by then my supply was a disaster, I was totally stressed out and exhausted, and I think that contributed to the colitis flare that landed me in the hospital and out of the BF game. I'd really like to EBF the next one for at least 6 months if I can.
I'm learning (very much a process!) not to worry so much.
Pregnancy: I am going to try to enjoy being pregnant more and not stressing out. Instead of assuming I am headed for failure, I might think that I will end up with a baby.
Labor: I loved how my labor went and will hope for the same.
I am still in early newborn!
I thought I did really well being positive and not stressing during my pregnancy. And I was pleased with my labor experience, though hopefully next time we won't have low fluid and won't need to be induced.
I'm still learning about this baby, so I'm not sure what I've screwed up yet.
I guess just not let me self confidence falter when I'm exhausted. I can do this and I'm a good mommy.
Pregnancy-I think I will still be nervous until 2nd tri but I will continue to exercise t/o my pregnancy. While I did 2-3mi walks at least 3x/week, I wish I had continued with my aerobics class.
Labor-I hope to have a VBAC next time around since my c/s was only due to a breech baby.
Parenting-Request an LC after the birth to help w/latching in an effort to prevent another nipple shield. Even though things are going well now, I'm sure every child is different. And next time I will actively put my baby down for a nap instead of assuming s/he will fall asleep when tired (Patrick did NOT do this!). I will also try not to hold him/her as much as we held Patrick, especially during sleep times, b/c that has created a larger sleeping issue (that I know will eventually be resolved.)
I will try to enjoy my pregnancy more next time and not stress so much. I will also try not to gain quite as much weight but we'll see how that goes
I hope I don't have to have a c/s next time so I'm going to try for a VBAC.
I will be more prepared for BFing next time and get help right away from an LC if I need it instead of relying on the nurses who made me feel like I'd never be able to BF. I don't think I have anything else for early parenting, but I do hope to be more prepared for the baby blues. They didn't stick around long, but that time was pretty rough and I wasn't expecting it.
We are planning on another babe or two....
Next pregnancies I will make sure I eat a little beter and get more exercise.
Labor...nothing really. Labor was not too bad, thank God for the epidural. I will make sure they know where to place it so I don't have to have it done 9 times next time!!!
Parenting...I will not be scared to give my baby mylicon or gripe water. I was so freaked out to give it to Kate in the beginning because I didn't want any of that in her body...wish I would have given it to her sooner, she was miserable!
I have learned that parenting is amazing and you have to go with the flow.
Pregnancy: I'm going to invest in a good pair of maternity pants for work and a good pair of jeans and if DH doesn't like it, he can suck an egg! Also, I'm going to stress less and just enjoy having my baby be as low-maintenance as he'll ever be in his entire life. :-)
Labor: Nothing. I hope my labor with any future LOs is the same as with DS. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect situation. I will also ask for as many visitors as possible at the hospital so our house is not a revolving door the day after we get home.
Parenting: I will definitely not ask for a LC at the hospital. I will try to BF but if it won't work, I'll just EP again. Hopefully I'll be able to SAH and EP for longer than I did with DS. Also, I'll totally chill and not worry so much about if I'm doing something wrong. I was convinced that DS was going to be screwed because he hated tummy time, but he's moving like a mad man.
Hoping to get pregnant again after DW. It's her turn soon!
Pregnancy: Stress less, lay off of google, enjoy it!
Labor: Same as before. My labor was great.
Parenting: I hope to goodness that I will be less crazy. I ended up on anti depressant meds because I worried myself sick. I can distinctly remember having such horrible fears that DD was choking while eating. I have missed many moments because I worry too much. Oh and I will definitley try harder to BF. I am certain Layne missed that.
Pregnancy: This time around I'm a lot more chill. I don't have time to think about it as I'm staying home with LO, working from home, and trying to find a job.
Labor: I REALLY hope it goes better this time (and that the epi works!!). I've already switched from my old OB to a midwives group. I'm going to be very clear about what I want (as in, I don't want any doctors yelling at me or rushing things along so they can get out of there). I'm working on that now and they are really receptive to it. In the end I'll have my baby so I'll at least focus on that point.
Parenting: I can't say what I'll change. I'm pretty easy going about it and I figure I'll wait and see what the next one's personality is like. Aside from the normal fussiness, we've gotten pretty lucky with an easy going baby now. I hope that happens next time but I'm not holding my breath
Pregnancy- I will try to be not as up-tight. As in using the doppler twice a day and constantly worrying. I should have an unhappy baby as much as I worried, and luckily I have a happy LO. Luckily I will not be as convinced that I have to have everything perfect. I thought I had everything planned and little did I know we were going to be moving states right after LO was born.
Labor- I am going to try to go as long as possible w/o the epidural. I couldn't feel anything enough to push.
Parenting- I will not second guess everything I do. Motrin, cereal, solids, supplementing.
I was pretty relaxed during pregnancy and during my csection. I never labored. I will definitely be more pushy next time with the OB. I knew DD was breech and once they said she wasn't I believed them. I still blame her torticollis on myself since it was likely magnified (maybe not caused, but magnified) by her poor little head fighting my ribs for space.
I am still learning with her so I am not sure what I could/would do differently at this point. I do know I will take a longer LOA from work, because I can. I didn't have enough time accrued to do it with DD because I started this job when I was 9 weeks pregnant. Luckily, DH was able to stay home with her for a few weeks after I went back.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. -Eleanor Roosevelt
After 1 year of TTC#2 BFP May 2011 m/c #3 4w2d. Off to RE.
Round 1: Femara + Ovidrel +TI = BFP! EDD 2/20/12
2IF does not always equal 3IF...Surprise!
I'll just throw this out there. It is possibly flame-worthy, but there may be other new moms feeling guilty about this. BFing didn't work for us (premie couldn't latch, worked with LC, did everything possible) and I EP'd for 6 months. I was attached to the pump 8 times a day for 20-30 mins at a time when I could have been sleeping or interacting with LO. I was so full of guilt and thoughts that I must give my baby BM, that I couldn't allow myself to quit until it was taking me a total of 2 hours a day to come up with one 5 oz bottle. And the worst part??? He's allergic to milk and peanuts (and who knows what else), that he was getting through my BM, causing itchy, horrible skin and a miserable little guy who wouldn't sleep for more than 2 hrs at a time.
So I'd give it a couple of weeks, but if BFing didn't take off, I'd FF.