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Stay at Home Moms
wheelsonthebus
member
and my DH saga continues...
wheelsonthebus
member
I've been posting on here about my issues with DH and alcoholism and is overall neglect of our family. Thing have not been going well, but were still chugging along. I was seeing very little of him because he was constantly working with his friend an hour away. Well, that project has ended. While the extra money is nice, I was glad to have DH home again more. Well, last week DH had my car and I had his. This weekend, my mother and I went to a nearby fair and we decided to take DH's car since my mother had driven all the way to my house. (It's an hour drive for her) We got DS in the carseat and she was getting in the passenger seat when she pulls out a beer can. She tells me she just found this tucked between the seat and the foor. I was humiliated and ANGRY. DH promised me that he was no longer having a beer in the car on his way home from work. (I caught him a few months ago bringing empty cans out of his car) What really makes me angry though is that I drove around all week with an open container in my car with DS. What if I had been pulled over? I took that car to my babysitting job, to playgroups. What if someone had seen it? I would have looked like a complete dirtbag. I was so angry and my mother reminded me to keep going to my AlAnon meetings and try not to get too upset as it does no good. She went home and after dinner, I calmly asked DH if he'd like to explain the beer can my MOTHER found in our car today. He flew off the handle and told me, "I don't give an F about one beer can!" He was actually angry at me for bringing it up because he had cut down his drinking at home. We argued obviously and I ended up going to sit in the car because I was going to lose it. (DS was in bed) DH came out and apologized and told me that the can must have been there when he returned all his empties. I know this is a lie because I've been after him for years to start returning his empties. I told him that I was sick of spending more of our marraige hating him than loving him. I told him I was sick of him taking chances with our family. I've decided that I'm going to insist that he get completely sober or I'm taking DS and leaving. I can't believe i'm typing this or thinking this. I don't know what to feel, but I deserve better and DS deserves better than a father who constantly takes risks with our well-being.
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Re: and my DH saga continues...
I'm so sorry. I think his angry reaction was a defensive one because he knows in his heart he is wrong. Unfortunately, there's no reasoning with someone in the grips of addiction. Your DH wants to believe he's in control, so he does and says things to make it look better, or to make you feel better, but that's not really the truth, as you know.
It's so great that you're going to Al-Anon. You can always control how your react to your DH, and make choices you can be proud of, even if you can't change him. He'll have to go down his own path for a while, probably. But we will be pulling for you here!
I don't usually post here, but I just felt I had to say that I am very sorry you are dealing with this. My DH is a recovering addict, my BIL is a recovering addict/alcoholic and my Dad is a recovering alcoholic. I may now know exactly what you are going through but I can relate.
DH went through in-treatment rehab for 3mths and went back to using within a year. But after DD was born, I found out he was using again and kicked him out. Told him the olny place he could stay and still see DD was his parents. He did that. He also went back to in-treatment rehab for 14days. AA does not do him any good. But he said the thought of losing me and DD is what helps keep him sober. AlAnon really didn't help me or at least the meetings I went to did not.
It is a long road and it is very hard. I will say if you tell him to get out or you leave you have to stick to it. It was very hard for me, but I have an amazing support system that helped get us through.
I hope you can figure out what is best for you and your LO.
I hope it works out for you. DH and I still have our issues, but he knows as long as he is sober we can work through most anything. But he has to stay sober. That is the only way we work.
If there is anything I can do to help feel free to PM.
Hey, wheels, I haven't been on the last 10 days or so, but finally had internet access & was feeling well enough. Before I got off, I had the feeling I should check on here...glad I did so I could catch up on your situation.
I have been thinking about you and am sorry things are going the direction they are, but I am relieved you did not get pulled over with the can in the car. I am strugglig in my own marriage, although he has stayed sober, we are struggling with his addictive personality with finances, so I can imagine the turmoil you are going through to some extent. Know that you have support on here - and that I am sending you thoughts, prayers, and hugs. GL!