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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
MIL Vent BIG time
My MIL watches DS while I am at work. I have never had a problem with her. Never. Till now.
I have an appointment on Thursday to get DS's pictures taken. These will be his first pictures, or so I thought. I picked DS up today and she tells me that she took DS to Wal Mart and had his pictures taken. WHAT!? I asked her why she would do that. She told me that since I keep putting it off that she decided to just take him. I told her that i haven't been putting it off. I said that I have been trying to get an appointment with the photographer that did our wedding and that I finally got one where both me and DH could go together.
I left her house today and cried all the way home. I can't believe that she would do that without me. I feel like I am already missing out on so much by having to go to work and now I missed his first pictures. I am so mad at her. I am mad and sad at the same time. I feel like she took that experience away from me. Am I being silly? How would you guys react to this?
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Re: MIL Vent BIG time
I think you are way overreacting. If you're this upset about missing out on cheesy WalMart pics, I can't imagine what you'll be like with things like first steps.
My philosophy? It's not a first until I see it happen.
Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
I disagree completely. I would be very upset. There's a difference between walking for the first time which your LO chooses to do and your MIL taking him to do something you wanted to take him to do for the first time.
When I saw the pictures that were taken, I'd be sad that I wasn't there to see them firsthand.
I don't think you're overreacting and I would make it clear to her that she should always ask you before taking him to do something she knew you were planning.
Big Kid Jan 2010
Littlest Man Sept 2012
Oh for the love, this is ridiculous advice. OP needs to pick her battles. You don't play cards like that over freaking Wal-Mart photos. That's the kind of reaction to use if MIL is not respecting feeding, sleeping, and/or disciplinary wishes.
Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
All I can think of when I read your post was a creepy pic of my MIL posing with Max in a gross 80's style Wal Mart photo pose.
I'd be upset too! But as pp said I go by the philosophy that it's not a first until I see it happen...besides I'm sure pics from Wal Mart aren't going to be nearly as good as your professional ones. I would just let her know that you're not interested in the Wal Mart pictures and maybe once you get prints of the ones that you are having taken, give her a nice big one in a frame...maybe she'll get the point.
I would have been upset, but not that upset. I think first pictures are extremely important. It also sounds like you went out your way to get them done by a proffessional. If anything your MIL owed it to you to ask before she took your LO.
This. Maybe I'm slightly sentimental, but I'd be ticked. Granted, it's not a first word, step, etc, but to me, ti's still a moment I wanted to share with my child. I'd make some rules known or you'll end up missing that first haircut, too! This is why I'm so glad I live 7 hours from my family!!!
For what it's worth, I would have been very angry too.
Yeah, there are a lot of things you miss, but those things are outside of your control. You can't control when your child rolls over, takes a step, etc. But to miss an experience that should be exclusively within your control would suck.
And, maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I would guess that your MIL didn't tell you about it beforehand because she knew that you would have stopped it. She may not have admit that she knew, but there's no way in the back of her mind she didn't have a red flag warning her she was about to overstep a first time parent's boundary.
To be honest I'd be hurt. I wouldn't make a battle about it though, and I make battles out of most things with MIL.
Now, if she starts handing them out to my friends and family, I'd be pissed. She can have her crappy Walmart pictures for herself and her friends, but giving portrait pictures to my friends and family is MY job. I'd ask her not to give them out, since you already planned on doing such in a few weeks.
Just remember, Walmart pictures aren't going to be anything like your professional shots!
Her MIL should have asked her first thats it. And it obviously is bothering the girl she is upset so why not say something about it so it doesnt come up again?
I agree with the PPs. I would have been upset that she did it without asking, but not enough to get super upset. They are just Wal Mart photos. Like a PP said you need to pick your battles.
I would let her know that it upset you though. Maybe she would think twice about doing something like that again.
I personally find picture sessions one of the most stressful situations. If I could pay someone to take my kids, I would.
I think I'd be a little ticked, but I don't think I'd go bananas about it. Professional photos with a professional photographer + mommy and daddy = a WAY different experience than Walmart photos with grandma.
But, yes, that is annoying.
If I were you I would just talk to MIL, let her know that these types of things are important to you and she should have run it by you first. Common sense, IMO, but maybe not for everyone.
Owen- April 2011
Olivia- Due December 24th
wow..really you cried all the way home?
Why not find a day care center and pay $$$$$$$$$$$ a week for daycare? this woman watches your child for you everyday you work and you are going bananas over this? really? i would imagine she was just trying to do something else nice for you, you know along with watching your child everyday.
This EXACTLY! Whats so bad about bonus pictures?
This is what would have sent me over the edge:
I asked her why she would do that. She told me that since I keep putting it off that she decided to just take him. I told her that i haven't been putting it off.
I'm sorry, but even if you were putting it off it is not her child. And what if you were doing it for more personal reasons? Like...it's not in the budget, but you don't want a handout from family. Either way, I would be upset.
Our family blog
This!!!
Personally, I don't think pictures are a big deal & I think crying the whole way home is a serious overreaction.
Beyond that-
Are you paying your MIL? If not, you need to remind your that she is doing you a huge favor EVERYTIME you start to get worked up/ upset about something like this. He is your child & if you want things your way all the time, then pay a daycare or nanny.
I understand that to some mothers pictures are a bigger deal than they are to me, but I think there are compromises that you have to accept when you have a family member watching your child. If this is your biggest issue, consider yourself lucky and move on.
I keep seeing lots of people saying things like "it's only pictures." I think someone else brought this up as well,.but I read this as it was less about the pictures and more about respect, or lack thereof. She SHOULD have asked or run it by you first. Clearly she did it to spite you for "putting it off" or so she thought. THAT would be the bit that would irritate and upset me.
Plain and simple...she didn't give you a chance to be involved.
Was it a nice gesture to do it FOR you and pay for it...yes, but I think the fact remains was that she assumed you were putting it off and rather than ask you about it or try to clarify if that is what you were doing, she did as she wanted.
As far as missing "firsts" because of having to work...I can empathize with that as well from the perspective that I stay at home (9 mos maternity for now) and DH works. I try to save things I have control over for when he is home to witness it...like first foods, etc. Today I wanted to take DS to the park and try him on a swing...but then I thought I'd rather have DH with me so he wouldn't have to miss it. I know how important these moments are and I think it's only common courtesy to exercise a little bit of thought for someone other than myself.
I definitely say talk to her about it. Don't pick a fight over it, but let her know how you felt about it and why you felt that way. As a mother she should be able to appreciate why you feel let down.
this
Really, you think she did it to spite her? Don't ya think that's just a wee bit paranoid and self-absorbed? IMO, she should give the woman who is doing her a FAVOR of watching her child (likely for free or significantly less than daycare) the benefit of the doubt that she was doing her another FAVOR of getting pictures done since OP's so busy.
Being bummed that you missed out is a normal reaction. Crying all the way home, freaking the foff out, and demanding that the woman (who is doing you a huge favor!) run every little thing she does with your kid past you from now on, just in case you might be butthurt about it, is insane.
I'm glad to see there are some other voices of reason in this thread, amongst the "have a serious talk with MIL and shun the pictures" crowd. Jeez louise.
Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes