I'm not sure I can do this...

jillcanada · May 2010

I am in a deep, dark hole and have no idea how I'm going to get out. I haven't left the house since we found out our twin boys had grown their angel wings, and I am now having nightmares about the upcoming D&E. I'm terrified of the pain I'm going to have after, and don't want to imagine what actually happens while I am asleep. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, and all I want to do is lay around because I'm having contractions and belly pains. I'm so incredibly sad I can barely breathe. I'm usually an outgoing, optimistic person but these losses are too much for me to handle. My doctor will be giving me a list of support groups to join in our area, but in the meantime you are all I have. No one I know has gone through a loss this late in their pregnancy before, and everyone around me just feels incredibly sad for me. Yes, DH is here, but I think this is too much for him too and he's plunged himself into his work. Please help...did it get any worse or better from here on out?

jolieandscott · May 2010

I can't answer your questions, but I'm sending you hugs, thoughts and prayers!

jerriesgirl · May 2010

I lost my daughter at 18w, but I went thru L&D. It does eventually get better. I spent a lot of time in the bed crying. I felt bad for DH. My mom and MIL came into town to take care of us. I watched a lot of movies and read some books. I eventually went out alone and that didn't go well but it eventually was ok. Give yourself time to grieve. Crying if you want, scream if you want. Keeping it in won't help. Feel free to PM me.

millejj1 · May 2010

I don't have any experience to share with you, but you're not alone. We're all here and can listen when you need to vent, rage or cry. I'm so sorry that you have to do with this and am sending lots of hugs and T&P's

smiles1123 · May 2010

I am so sorry. I lost my baby at 12 weeks so I can not address the late loss portion of your question but I did have a d&E and emotional stuff aside, it was a piece of cake. You are out before you are wheeled in the room and when you wake up it is all over. I never even needed motrin, I felt very minor cramps for a day and a half (like the ones that come the day or 2 before your period) and I spotted lightly for a day or 2, If I never used a liner , it would have been fine. I bought a huge thing of super pads and never used one. I also got my first period exactly 1 month after my d&e and my second today(27 days after my first). It does get easier and I am going to ttc this cycle ( I was told wait one cycle but waiting 2 is better so I waited two)

Also, they expect you to be sad. I cried the whole time I was there (until the anethesiologist doped me up nice and good) and they know why are there and they know why you are sad and everyone was great and encouraging. Afterwards, my dh took me out to lunch and then I went home and played ball with my 4 year old.

The emotional stuff will take a long time to sort through- I'm still trying to make sense of it- but the physical recovery is surprisingly quick- good luck!

noah-bear · May 2010

I've been in that dark place for a while. With DS I had PPD, then the first m/c depressed me only when I saw pregnant women. Now, I'm always sad. I never want to do anything. Feel free to vent here if you need it. We're all here to help.

bgarson · May 2010

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I was suppose to have a D&E, but ended up not dialating enough. So I delivered my baby. I can understand your fear and pain leading up to the surgery. I look back now and wish I spent more time rubbing my belly and talking to my baby. However, at that point I was so depressed, angry and I am assuming in denial.

It has been two months now and I am having some better days. It still hurts a lot, but my head head is much clearer. Please allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling and be kind to yourself.

We are here for you! Please PM me if you ever need to talk.

Gummybear · May 2010

Hi Jill,

I know how you feel and we are here for you. No one I know lost a baby when I did, or how I did. I know the feeling of isolation and depression. I can tell you, I was at rock bottom for my LIFE after this happened and things ARE getting better. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second. I have found talking about it helps. I resent people who are avoiding me or not acknowledging my loss. I have found out who my true friends are and who is willing to listen to me. My DH was the same way, but I promise you, there are people out there who are willing to lend a shoulder to cry on, including us. Stay strong, cry, scream, write out your feelings.

Please don't be scared of the D&E. I promise you, it is a peace of cake, a freakin' joyride, compared to the emotional pain you are going through. I wold call your Dr. though if you are cramping and contracting and you haven't been dialated yet. Even if they just prescribe something to take the edge off....

Please stay strong. I promise you, it WILL get better.

Btrfly_skies · May 2010

we just lost our angel baby a little over 2 weeks ago. i was 9 weeks and 4 days along, and we went in for our ultrasound and the tech told me that there was no movement or heartbeat. we were devestated! i did not want to believe it. this was our first, and we were sooooo excited about it. and it really sucks that your baby could be taken away from you in an instant! so a few days after that i went in for a d&c. i chose to have the d&c because i didn't want to see any of my remaining baby and what was left of it. (but after my d&c i bled and cramped like crazy! so i really wish that i didn't have the d&c!!) i wished i would of just passed it on my own because i went through the surgery to have it removed, but i still passed it on my own also!! i am so sorry for your loss and just remember that this is very common! i didn't wanna do anything, talk to anyone, or i couldn't be myself for those couple weeks. give yourself time to grieve and heal. it helps me to talk to ppl on here and babycenter.com about this, because it has happened to so many ppl, and remember that you are NOT alone. God will bless you again when the timing is right. it is one of the HARDEST things that i have ever been through, but talk to ppl about it. it will get better, just take it one day at a time. it really is hard for me, because my best friend just had her baby last saturday and my other best friend is due in august! but my time will come and yours will too!! if you need someone to talk to, im here! take care!!

LuvBeingHis4eva · May 2010

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but coming from someone who had 2 early m/c's, a devastating NT scan where our pregnancy had to end at 12 weeks and most recently, a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks, things do not get easier. After 4 pregnancies and still no baby, sometimes it feels hopeless.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. All we can do is take one day at a time. Some days will be better then others and all you should do now is allow yourself to grieve and spend as much time with your DH as you can.

Hang in there! *hugs*

shanna82 · May 2010

I'm so sorry. I can't relate to your recent loss very much. I have had a lot of loss in my past. When my younger brother passed away 6 years ago, I was in the type of place you are describing. I know it is different, but all I can say is that time does help. I've never gotten "over it" but I've been able to deal with it in a better way. Surrounding myself with my loved ones and talking to people I trust was another thing that helped me.

elizabeth&james · May 2010

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I am sure I am not alone when I say that there have been times during my journery that I cried so long and hard that I thought I was going into some kind of shock- got freezing cold and started shaking and couldn't breath. And this wasn't even right after we found out- I am just periodically blown away by the reality that something like this can happen- and does happen--and happened to me.

As far as the D&E is concerned, my personal experience was the easiest part of this b/c someone else was in charge and I didn't have to do anything but follow instructions. I was sad about the idea of what was happening-- but I also had to remind myself that it was an inevitable outcome-- *not* having the surgery would not bring back what I had lost. I hope your experience will be uneventful, too.

I'm glad you find support here- honestly, I still spend more time here than I do talking to family/friends- b/c this is the place wher I am most honest and real- and where I know I don't have to explain myself or assume that ppl don't know what I"m going thru-- I know that all of you do and for now, this is just what works for me.

As for what things look like at some point in the future- I'm sure it's different for everyone and I also know how sometimes it feels like you just want to go to sleep and wake up at some point in the future when it hurts less. But if it helps you to know someone eles's experience-- I'm 7 weeks removed and can tell you that I don't cry every day but every other day may be the case. I am still more sad more often than I would have guessed, but I am able to be distracted for chunks of time and be happy doing other things too. I am looking ahead to TTC again even though I am in no way "over it" -- I just know that becoming parents is what DH and I want in our hearts so we will not want to wait. I spend a lot of time on this board and feel like it has been better therapy to talk about this with all of you than going to my overpriced single session w/ a psychologist. Sometimes you just need to talk and be heard, to listen and support others- to feel like your experience has some purpose- b/c now you can help others who also have to go thru this. We're here for you. Hang in there. It does get better- it has to, right?

Lorange-8 · May 2010

I went thru L&D so I don't have any answers for you but wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. We are all here for you whenever you need us.

catngar77 · May 2010

Hi there,

I was 13 weeks and had a d&e. The day before they put a stick inside my cervix to dilate me about 2cm which was very painful. It took about 3 hours for the pain to subside and then the following morning I went in and they started me on pitocin to dilate me more and put me under about 1 hour later. They did all the dilation so they didn't need to be so invasive with metal instruments. It has been 4 days and I have had minimal spotting and no cramping. I hope things go smoothly for you.

So sorry for your loss.

tlcW0714 · May 2010

I don't really know anything about the d&e procedure. But I had to go through the loss of a full term baby. It is devastating. But you have to allow yourself to feel those emotions. Its not easy, but it will get easier. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

maddiemoon43 · May 2010

I haven't had to go through much of what you are, but I am amazed by the strength of the women on here and what they have handled, and I am sure that in time you will be able to too. Reading you post, I would be concerned if you didn't feel as overwhelmed and unlike your normal self this soon after your loss(es). Give yourself time to deal with these challenges on an hour-by-hour basis, then day-by-day, and so on.

My thoughts and prayers are with you over the next few days...keep us posted.

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