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Hawaii Babies
redshoegirl
member
f/u to BFing issues (long, sorry!)
redshoegirl
member
So, as you all know, I've had some serious issues BFing. (Original post here, in case you missed it.) I set a one month goal for myself, and committed to sticking it out until then before deciding whether to continue or not. Well I know it's not quite 4 weeks yet, but I think I've come to a decision, at least for now. The options I had in mind were:
#1 - continue as I am (nursing and pumping to try to increase my supply, along with supplement feeding)
#2 - switch to exclusively pumping (along with supplement feeding)
#3 - switch to exclusively formula feeding
A couple of days ago, I was really strongly leaning toward #2 - so much so that I did a ton of research on it and was thisclose to buying a more hardcore pump than the little one I'm currently using. Then I decided that I'd trial it for a day, just to see how I liked it. EPing is one of those things that sounds easy, but really isn't - it's not just the preparing/washing bottles, but the dedication of forcing yourself to pump every 3 hours regardless of the time of day or night, etc. I wanted to make sure I would be OK with the schedule, so for one day I committed to pumping and bottle feeding instead of nursing.
I hated it. It wasn't even the schedule that bothered me - I just hadn't realized how much I loved nursing them. Just the closeness of it...it's so hard to describe what I mean. I love looking down at their little heads, even when I'm exhausted and they're being difficult feeders (OMFG tandem feeding is hard when they're fussy - one will drop off and then start screaming, then the other will, and you're left frantically wavering between them trying to get them both to re-latch and failing because you don't know who to pay attention to first!). I deeply resented being hooked up to a machine instead of my babies and couldn't even make it through the whole day before I started nursing them again. This isn't to knock EPing at all - in fact, now I have even more respect for women who stick it out, because it's HARD! It's just not for me - I would rather 100% formula feed (and thereby get that extra play/snuggle time with the babies that I would otherwise spend pumping) than EP.
So then I looked at option #1 and realized that I don't want to keep doing THAT either. Nursing AND pumping AND bottle feeding is soooo hard. I mean really, incredibly time consuming. I mentioned in another post that I feel like literally all I ever do is worry about feeding the boys, that I never get to actually enjoy my babies or enjoy being a mama. I want to be able to play with them and cuddle them without looking at the clock and saying, "Oh, it's halfway between feedings - time to pump" and having to put them down.
That left option #3 (100% formula feeding), but I wasn't really happy with that either since, as I said, I'm still enjoying the closeness of nursing them. So for now, I've changed to a modified version of #1 - but instead of nursing, pumping and supplementing, I'm now just going to nurse and supplement. No more pumping (unless, as happened today, we were out of the house during feeding time so the boys got bottles - I pumped when we got home solely to relieve my poor boobies). I am going to spend that time with my sons, not hooked up to a breast pump.
If my supply ends up decreasing because I've dropped the pumping, that's fine. It's worth it for my happiness and sanity, because I believe I will be a better, happier mother for my boys even if I end up always having to supplement or eventually swapping entirely to formula. If my supply somehow magically ends up increasing (and it may - I've been doing this for 2 days and for the last 4 feeds the boys have left 1oz in their bottles and have been totally sated, which makes me think they're getting more from me...maybe because I'm less stressed???), that's great too - but I'm not going to stress so much about EBFing them. If it works out, great - if not, then that's cool - and hey, bottle feeding has some rockin' benefits like being able to make Ben do one of the nighttime feedings on his own lol! 
I don't have a goal or timeline for this...I may want to do it until I stop BFing them at 6 months (I have TERRIBLE allergies that need medication and Oct is approx when they start, so I never intended to BF past this point anyway). Or we may end up deciding in a couple of weeks that swapping to 100% formula will be best for our family...we'll see.
I know this was really long, so thank you if you read all of it...and I know it probably wasn't even THAT interesting lol! But I wanted to provide an update for everyone who has given me support and encouragement through this! It's probably not my last post on the topic - it's just where I am now.
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Re: f/u to BFing issues (long, sorry!)
Yay Lisa...I am glad you've found a solution that works for you and your family. Keep on keeping on...take one day at a time and see what happens. How encouraging that you think your supply is increasing...hooray! And I agree...nursing is awesome...pumping? Not so much. Luckily, I only have to do it once a day (during the work week)...at least for now. If my supply tanks, I'll add another, but I've had oversupply issues since the beginning and I am finally feeling like I am at the right level for Libby's demands.
As for allergies, I read something interesting on another board...BFing moms posted about how their hayfever and seasonal allergies were WAY less or nonexistent this year because they were nursing. And when I think about it, I have to agree. J and my mom and my dad all had itchy eyes, stuffy noses, PND, etc.here this Spring and I've barely had a symptom. If/when I do, a tablespoon of local, raw honey on my morning cereal and a rinse with the neti pot does the trick. Amazing! I've never been able to get through the Spring without Zyrtec or Benadryl or both and this year I am. So...you may find the same for you if you're still BFing come October.
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Interesting! I noticed that although my allergies were still horrifying last year (the usual seasonal time around Oct) while I was pregnant, my reaction to freshly mowed lawns seems to have resolved themselves. Bizarre, but I don't get choked up by lawn cuttings now! I'll definitely be hoping that the same thing will happen with allergy season this year, because that would be awesome.
The local honey thing doesn't seem to work for me - I think it's because I'm primarily allergic to grasses and tree pollens, and bees don't generally collect pollen from those things. Boooo!
good for you guys!
I am glad that you found peace with your decision. FWIW, I read somewhere that in order to "really" give BF a try, you should at least go for 6 weeks, which is when a lot of problems start working themselves out (engorgement, nipple pain, etc). My initial goal was to make it to one week. Then to one month. Then six weeks.
As long as you and your boys are happy and healthy, that's all that matters
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You know, I really don't know what timeline to believe. I've read or been told 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks and even 12 weeks for establishing supply and ironing out problems. I wish they'd come to a consensus!