Opening up to DH

Court1 · May 2010

I've never been one to openly talk about my feelings too much. I've kept the stress & everything else that goes with it to myself & not spoken to DH about it at all.

So I hit my breaking point this week & figured it was time to let him know what I'm going through. I think he's trying, but he says all the wrong things at the wrong times. This morning he told me I just need to relax. The other day he told me "it takes people a long time to get pg all the time". And then proceeded to ask me how long we'd been trying again.

Ugh, I feel like it was easier when I kept it all bottled up. At least we weren't constantly at each other. Thanks for letting me vent.

madladybride · May 2010

I'm so sorry that DH did not respond the way you had hoped. Is he a Mr. Fixit? I'm sure he's telling you things that he thinks will make you feel better. Those types of things usually make me want to rip people's throats out. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say. It sounds like he's trying. Sometimes when my DH 'tries' to make me fell better , it just pisses me off more, too. We're always here to listen.

Court1 · May 2010

madladybride:
I'm so sorry that DH did not respond the way you had hoped. Is he a Mr. Fixit? I'm sure he's telling you things that he thinks will make you feel better. Those types of things usually make me want to rip people's throats out. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say. It sounds like he's trying. Sometimes when my DH 'tries' to make me fell better , it just pisses me off more, too. We're always here to listen.

Yes, all of this. And I just get angry when he tries to fix things. I asked if he would try to lay off the coffee & take a couple vitamins this month & he said "sure, but you've got to relax". And it just pissed me off. He's trying.

JuJuBe3 · May 2010

I'm sorry the conversation didn't go as you had hoped. It is so important to be able to talk about how you're doing and the thought processes we have each month going through our cycles.

I think, if it were me, I'd keep talking to him. Maybe preface the conversation with the fact that you just want him to listen and not give you solutions and tell him if the plan you two have is to try for children, then he needs to be a part of the conversations about how to get there. I don't know if that helps or not, but I hope you don't stop talking about what you're going through. You need an outlet somewhere. ((hugs))

RunSchwartzRun · May 2010

That must be really hard. All I can say is that it does sound like he is trying and probably thinks he is making you feel better, even though we all know those are the wrong things to say.

My DH has said some pretty stupid things too, but I find the more I talk to him the easier it is for him to understand what I am going through. What I say seems to stick in his mind and process long after the conversation, even if it isn't something he has thought about before we talked.

I hope you are able to find some comfort.

madladybride · May 2010

toddandjulie:
I'm sorry the conversation didn't go as you had hoped. It is so important to be able to talk about how you're doing and the thought processes we have each month going through our cycles.

I think, if it were me, I'd keep talking to him. Maybe preface the conversation with the fact that you just want him to listen and not give you solutions and tell him if the plan you two have is to try for children, then he needs to be a part of the conversations about how to get there. I don't know if that helps or not, but I hope you don't stop talking about what you're going through. You need an outlet somewhere. ((hugs))

Great ideas. DH and I have more or less found a way to share, but to get there involved a lot of yelling and crying. I don't recommend that strategy.

Court1 · May 2010

Thanks girls. I really can't blame him too much. How's he supposed to know what to say when I haven't involved him? Our DS (almost 2), was a total surprise & the baby we lost took 2 cycles to conceive. So I assumed this would be the same & there'd be no reason to involve him in the craziness. But here we are.

Court1 · May 2010

madladybride:
toddandjulie:

I'm sorry the conversation didn't go as you had hoped. It is so important to be able to talk about how you're doing and the thought processes we have each month going through our cycles.

I think, if it were me, I'd keep talking to him. Maybe preface the conversation with the fact that you just want him to listen and not give you solutions and tell him if the plan you two have is to try for children, then he needs to be a part of the conversations about how to get there. I don't know if that helps or not, but I hope you don't stop talking about what you're going through. You need an outlet somewhere. ((hugs))

Great ideas. DH and I have more or less found a way to share, but to get there involved a lot of yelling and crying. I don't recommend that strategy.

This is where we are. It's not working too well.

JuJuBe3 · May 2010

Oh, and sometimes, I tell DH before I even start what I know will be an emotional or long conversation, 'this is what I need from you right now'. My DH wants to fix things too, but if I tell him what I'm expecting, it seems to go better.

jdmiller28 · May 2010

Court1:

Yes, all of this. And I just get angry when he tries to fix things. I asked if he would try to lay off the coffee & take a couple vitamins this month & he said "sure, but you've got to relax". And it just pissed me off. He's trying.

Hugs. I'm sorry he didn't respond the way you hoped. I hate when my DH says "you need to relax" - my angry meter flies off the charts.

KristysRedBarn · May 2010

I'm sorry. I'm going through pretty much the same thing with DH this week. I too keep it bottled up, but the stress of it all finally got to me. My Dh's response, "Well, that's life" and "It will all be okay." Like your Dh, I know he meant well and was trying, but so missed the boat.

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