Hello and Some Questions (very long)

PML2010 · May 2010

Hello Ladies,

I just read on an earlier post how sad all the new intros are making some of you - sorry - I'm another one. I just came from the December 2010 board. I had a miscarriage on Mothers Day/Monday at 7 weeks 2/3 days. I just feel like I have to vent to people who understand, so if you don't feel like reading a long, negative story, please don't feel obligated to read on but I would appreciate any advice about my situation.

I went to the emergency room with bleeding and cramping on Sunday and after a basic ER sonogram where they said I looked like I was more like 5 weeks along than 7 and they couldn't see a heartbeat I was given a referral for another US and encouraged to get it the next day . However, the ER nurse said "there is nothing to worry about yet, there is an egg sac in there." The next day the cramping and bleeding got much, much worse so I called my OB - the receptionist there told me to use the referral I was given at the hospital for an US and they couldn't help me. So I went back to the hospital but went to their OB/US department instead. The receptionist there told me on the phone "we're very busy but I guess you can come and wait if you want." So after three hours (I'm not exaggerating) of writhing in pain while trying to stifle my crying in the waiting room, while sitting with about 15 heavily pregnant women, another receptionist said "Are you ok? Why are you crying?" A doctor was standing next to her so he took me to the back and asked how long I'd been waiting and why I was crying (!) so I told him. He said to stop crying because otherwise "everyone will think that is the way you get seen quickly." I got the US about 25 minutes later and he said "Why do you you think you're losing the baby?" and I said "Well, like I told you before, I'm bleeding heavily and cramping to the point I can hardly speak." And he said "Yeah, you're right, there isn't a heartbeat." He then WALKED AWAY! And my husband stopped him and asked if there was anything I could take for the pain, to which the doctor replied "oh, its just like a bad period." (!) The the ultrasound tech said she'd send a letter to the person who referred me (who was their ER doctor - which I'd already explained) and I had to call my OB and get her address off her voicemail to give to the tech so she could send the letter to her - the correct person - all of this appened in the US room, with the image of my ute and empty egg sac on the screen. Then they said "ok you can go" and nothing else. I guess i didn't even know what questions to ask and the doctor was already down the hallway, so we just left. I called my OB the next day and asked if I was supposed to come in for a follow up of any kind and the same receptionist who told me they couldn't help me said "I mean, no, you can come in and see the doctor if you want to but there isn't a reason to." I was so discombobulated and upset I just said "Ok" and I cancelled my appointment for the 19th, which was to be my first pg appointment with my OB.

There were so many other bad things that happened but this post is long enough already. Basically, shouldn't I be going to see my OB to make sure my HCG levels have come down and that all the tissue, etc, has passed? I'm confused that apparently there is absolutely nothing to tell me or let me know after this whole ordeal. This was my first pg and mc so I'm totally in the dark about when we can start TTC again, etc, etc. And my doctor doesn't want to see me. Is this normal? Were other people treated like they were ridiculous for wanting information after something traumatic like this? Could anyone give me some advice? I realize I'm upset, but it has been a couple of days now and I still have all my questions. Should I just find a different OB and get my records sent to them?

Fryday37 · May 2010

im so sorry for your loss and the horrible way you were treated. there is NO excuse for their bad behavior!!! you absolutely should see a dr. hopefully you can find a new one as yours is a douche (sorry but i gotta call it as i see it!). although there is nothing the dr could have done to prevent the miscarriage but they absoulte could give you something for the pain and it sounds like you still have tissue in your ute if you could see the sac. you may need a d&c if everything doesn't pass. usually dr's will monitor your hcg levels to make sure they drop to zero. every dr is different in regard how long to wait to ttc so you should check with yours (the new one). please hang in there and take care of yourself. know that we are all here to listen to you and someone here has thought/felt what you are now at some point. i came from the Dec board too

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

shouldbworkin · May 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your awful situation being made worse. I was also a 12/10 mom and am sad to see more 12/10 moms joining me here. =( I had a m/c the end of April and I was about as far along as you. My OB did a blood draw on the day I went in for my u/s and found only a sac and then 5 days after. At 5 days later my hcg was down to 27, so he didn't have me come back in again (which I'm grateful for).

I would call your OB, tell him/her you want blood drawn and then go from there. GL and (((hugs)))

jerriesgirl · May 2010

i don't think that it's the doctor that doesn't want to see you, I think it's the receptionist who probably has no clinical experience making that determination. I don't see why you wouldn't need a follow-up visit for blood work, make sure all the tissue has passed, for you to ask questions, etc. Next time you call, ask to speak with a nurse.

I work with physician practices and those receptionists take their role as gatekeepers very seriously. In this case, she is taking it too seriously. What is wrong with all of the recpetionists this week?

mkelle5 · May 2010

Wow, I am so sorry you went through all of that! Even if it isn't emotional and devastating enough, you were treated so wrong. They obviously haven't had to go through this themselves, and they are just going through the motions of their jobs. (Still unacceptable though)

I suggest you find another OB/GYN and transfer your care. You had only begun the whole pregnancy process, so you can probably imagine more bumps in the road had you carried to term had you have stayed with the same OB practice. I wish you lived in MD and could see my doctor, because he was so great through the entire process, he really went above and beyond.

Sure, you will get some great advice, and perhaps answer all of your questions on this board, but you should really find a doctor who is willing to see/treat you and answer all of your questions.

Everyone is different, but most doctors will advise you to wait atleast 1-3 cycles before you TTC, and that is assuming that everything has passed and your levels are down (<5). Some doctors may not test your levels though, so really it's up to your doctor. Avoid sex, tampons, or inserting anything into the vagina for atleast 2 weeks and until bleeding has stopped to avoid an infection or a new pregnancy. After that, be sure to use a condom until your doctor gives you the green light to TTC again.

Keep us posted on how you are doing and feeling!

XO,

Michelle

*Chicken* · May 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you went through.

I think you need a new OB, or at the very least, call the office back and ask to speak with a nurse or Dr and ask why the RECEPTIONIST is giving you medical advice. I don't care if she's worked there for 30 years, she a receptionist not an RN or an LPN or anything other medical personal.

With both my m/c (which were both earlier than yours) my betas were monitored until they went down to zero. Some ladies take a pregnancy test until they get a negative result.

I know that for early m/c there is not a whole lot the Dr can do. However, should be monitored especially since you were 7 weeks but the baby measured at 5 weeks. You need to make sure everything passed. When I m/c I passed a ton of tissue and thought for sure I was done. When I went in for a follow up u/s my RE could not find anything. Before I left they took blood for a beta and it came back with a level higher than my pregnancy beta. This meant, while my RE could not find any tissue on the u/s, there was still some left that needed to be passed.

Call the office back, ask to speak to the nurse, if they refuse to let you speak to one I would call around and find another OB who will help. Ask a friend or co-worker to recommend one (you don't need to tell them why). I'm really sorry you are dealing with this.

ETA: for a natural m/c you can wait usually wait one cycle before TTC again. D&C, I think, it's more like 3 cycles thought I've never had one so I don't know for sure.

ETA2: *disclaimer: I was a receptionist for a long time so I'm not knocking them. I just do not think a receptionist has any business giving out medical advice.

seoul09 · May 2010

I am totally sorry for how you were treated. I have no idea why all of the nurses and doctors involved acted like idiots, but yes I think IMO you need to see a doctor. what if there's left over tissue (god forbid)

I would call and demand to see my doctor. If that didn't work I would actually show up at the doctors office.

millejj1 · May 2010

I'm so sorry for how you were treated! This whole mess is hard enough on it's own, let alone to have to deal with it while being left in the dark! My doctor was pretty apathetic about the whole thing and just kept telling me that everything was fine and I could TTC once the bleeding stopped. (I had a natural m/c)

Needless to say, I started doing a lot of work on my own and started going to a different doctor. I would recommend the same for you. This board is great, there is lots of knowledge and support here, but I think that you need to find another doctor that will actually listen to you and learn your story and treat you like a patient, not just a chart.

Izabella22 · May 2010

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. Its a horrible enough process without the office staff giving you a hard time. My ob office staff is so-so, they are kind of stupid and so I never bother telling them anything, just say "I need to speak to Dr so&so's nurse I have questions" - A receptionist shoudl NEVER be giving out information or advice, its not their job. Personally I would file a complaint with the office manager if I were in your situation, they had no right to recommend whether you shoudl or should not see your doctor.

CounselorGirl · May 2010

I am so very sorry for your loss and the fact that you had to deal with such an insensitve crew of medical professionals. Ditto the advice about bypassing the receptionist and going straight for the nurse. If you have to, ask to leave a message and explain that you want someone to walk you through the process. In my experience, the nurses were the most amazing individuals to deal with. Good luck and keep us posted

elizabeth&james · May 2010

I?m so sorry for your loss and the terrible mishandling of this situation by everyone who was involved in it. It?s unbelievable and inexcusable. Big picture, yes, it sounds like you need to find a new OB. But for the short term, I would reschedule an appt w/ your current OB ? mine advised 3-4 weeks after m/c. If they tell you they are booked, you will have to insist that they fit you in. This will give you time to get your thoughts together and questions you need to ask. I?m so sorry for your loss- dealing w/ all of this added drama and incompetency is NOT what you need right now. ((Big hug))

sabrina&andy · May 2010

It makes us very sad to see all the new post, we don't wish this on anyone. BUT, at the same time we are very very glad that you have found this board. I am so lucky to have such an amazing and supportive group of women to help get me through this. We are all here for you too. I am very sorry for your loss. (((BIG HUGS))).

PML2010 · May 2010

Thank you so much for all the support, advice and hugs - I literally feel 100 times better knowing I'm not just overreacting and that IT IS normal to have a follow up visit with an OB. I had to tell my boss about the mc and she suggested I go to her doctor, whom she loves. I'm going to insist on getting an appointment with my current OB, get my questions answered, tell her my experience with her receptionist and get copies of my records to give to the new OB - then I'll be done with that office. I think you're all correct: I just need a different (and better) level of care than that office is obviously able to provide - even if it is just the receptionist who is the problem.

Thanks again everyone.

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