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very interesting blog/opinion/book review
Usually this woman makes me see red with her opinions, but I actually really liked what she had to say.
Essentially, she read a book that theorizes that the parenting styles we chose aren't really choices, but a result of our physiological orientation . That the parenting choices we make aren't made to fill the needs of our child, but rather to fill our needs.
Even though we are more AP parents, which are based around filling the needs of the child, I can truly see how many of those perceived needs are really needs I've always had. I've always been covertly hippy dippy, so it would figure that I'd parent in that style. I think if I had followed BabyWise to the letter, Marion would turn out much the same as she has. Perhaps a few personality quirks would have been different, but I don't think it would have completely altered her personality.
I like her summation paragraph best of all
"There is no basis for believing that there is only one way to conduct the mother-child relationship. While it is critically important that the relationship meet the psychological needs of the developing child, a successful mother-child relationship should also meet the psychological needs of the mother. And since mothers differ in their psychological needs, we should anticipate and celebrate many permutations of successful mother-child relationships."
Thoughts, opinions?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: very interesting blog/opinion/book review
I really love The Skeptical OB!
What did the gals on the AP board think of this?
I agree with the summation paragraph. But after reading the article, I wonder if there isn't a middle ground? I could see myself in both of the examples. I was a facilitator when I had a tiny infant, but as she grew I became more of a regulator. I definitely tried to make parenting choices that fostered her independence. When child #2 came long, that became more necessity than choice.
I love to lurk on the AP board but it's definitely not my style of parenting. I'm fascinated by some of the ideas though. Trying to stay true to all of those principles with multiple children would be hard. I have to think it would be logistically impossible at times.
Watching/Having watched others I think you are right, there can definitely be a logistics issue w/ more than one child.
Personally, I don't subscribe to the idea that any one belief system is "right" in terms of parenting (or anything else, for that matter, this is why I'm not religious).
I found the article interesting but read it all the way through and sort of felt like "well Duh." (The way I read it the two categories discussed were only two types, out of four? or many?) But then I've always thought that how we parent has as much to do with our own needs and fulfillment as it does w/ the child's.
Kay - I posted it over there too
I think the thing that stood out most to me was that we don't criticize people for their personality styles. We might not like someone, but we don't say, oh they're wrong for being a Type A personality. It's interesting to think of parenting as just an extension of our personality type. I mean, if I don't fault my friend for being a career driven perfectionist, why would I fault her for parenting in that style, you know?
j+k+m+e | running with needles
I did find it interesting, although not at all surprising. Selfish though it may sound, I think just about everything everyone does is to fufill their own needs. (Fufilling someone else's need is really about what you perceive to be their need - and that idea comes from your own psychological needs.)
I would be interested to know if the book delved into the reasons behind those personality styles. For instance, why some people tend to mirror their own mothers' parenting styles while others abandon them (even if they don't disagree with how they themselves were raised).
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
kat, did you read the original journal article that Skeptical OB summarized? She put a link in her blog post toward the top. I tried to read it but it was 14 pages of wordy blather so I mainly skimmed. If you happen to read (skim) it, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
To me, it's funny that this even has to be so... academic. I can't stand one-stop-shop parenting. Every mother is different; every child is different. It's like the parenting 'experts' forget that babies are people and are born with distinct personalities and opinions right from birth (Mathis wouldn't take a paci to save his life, so don't tell me he did not have opinions. lol). this applies to AP and "bandaid rippers" and everyone in between.
It's like me sending Truitt to daycare even though I SAH. it is what is best for us and i am in the very lucky position to be able to do it. i sometimes get jealous of some SAHM friends who manage to always get out and do fun things with their kids, whom they are with 7 days a week. if it was me, we'd spend too much time watching tv.
but there are things that are just WRONG (diet coke in a baby bottle?) and we can't let all these experts and academics make us feel bad for judging things b/c not everything is acceptable. yes, it's "their" child but their child will also go to school with my child and will be a citizen of my world and, therefore, it does concern me.