In the process of a major meltdown

BlakeG · May 2010

I was doing so well. I even got through Mother's Day, which was also the 2 month mark since my m/c, without crying. And now I sit here sobbing for the past couple of hours. My mom came over (she lives next door) and innocently asked if I cleaned my bathroom tiles. We moved into my house a week before the m/c and the bathroom tiles need a good scrubbing since we did some work in there and got stuff all over the tiles. That innocent question made me fall apart sobbing and telling her she's lucky i get out of bed and go to work everyday and that cleaning tiles is not even on my radar. I feel so bad for losing it but she wasn't offended and we talked for a couple hours. She kept trying to be positive and I just kept crying. I don't understand how I can go from being so ok to so miserable in a matter of minutes. It doesn't help that DH is away on business and being without him definitely amplifies my sadness. When is it going to be ok for me to be alone without falling apart? I don't want to feel this way anymore. Sorry for venting but I'm just sitting here alone, crying and I don't know what else to do except bump. Thanks for letting me vent.

Amanda02a · May 2010

Vent away! I've been there too (and have uncleaned tile!). I'm so sorry your having a rough evening. ((hugs))

magdalina.h · May 2010

I'm sorry hun ((hugs)) I still can't be left alone for long periods of time. MH is working on the weekends for the next month and I have to go to my parent's house.

elizabeth&james · May 2010

Oh, I'm so sorry- I'm glad your mom can be there for you. I don't know when it gets better- we are on about the same timeline and if it helps at all, I had a meltdown tonight too

I was telling DH (who just got home from a work trip!) that I'm just so over this-the whole roller coaster- the whole fine-one-week/total-mess-the-next (or next day/hour/minute). It's too unpredictable and too consuming. I'm sick of it and just want to be me again. Good venting...we're all in this together and somehow there is real comfort in that. Can't imagine doing this w/o DH and w/o all of you!!

auburn76chic · May 2010

I've been there too! When DH went back to work several days after my m/c I lost it. I cried for hours. I called the doctor and they wanted me to come it, but I was so upset I couldn't drive. The poor nurse was so worried about me she called me two more times that day. Its good you have your mom there to talk to. But your not alone in getting upset by little things. Hang in there

BlakeG · May 2010

elizabeth&james:
Oh, I'm so sorry- I'm glad your mom can be there for you. I don't know when it gets better- we are on about the same timeline and if it helps at all, I had a meltdown tonight too I was telling DH (who just got home from a work trip!) that I'm just so over this-the whole roller coaster- the whole fine-one-week/total-mess-the-next (or next day/hour/minute). It's too unpredictable and too consuming. I'm sick of it and just want to be me again. Good venting...we're all in this together and somehow there is real comfort in that. Can't imagine doing this w/o DH and w/o all of you!!

Not that I want you to have tough days but it is comforting to know it's not just me. A lot of people around me think it's been 2 months and since "there was no baby anyway" I should be over it. I really wish I didn't tell certain people it was a blighted ovum so I could avoid the "no baby" comments. I just want to say thank you. I love you girls so much and I can't imagine where I would be without this board.

bethskye · May 2010

I'm sorry you're having a tough day. I've found that it will creep up on me at the strangest moments. I fell apart a few weeks ago when my mom asked if I'd brushed my teeth yet that day. There's no sense in it. I hope things get better soon.

BlakeG · May 2010

Thanks for the support girls. I just want all of us to feel better.

SassyMamainVA · May 2010

Oh sweetie...I'm so sorry. I hate those moments where you start crying and just. can't. stop. It happens at the most random moments (like when someone asks whether you've cleaned tile:) but not when you think you'd be upset (like Mother's Day). I wish we could see it coming. But know that you're not alone. We're here for you. Vent away. We love you.

myst33 · May 2010

I'm so sorry. I've also had that experience when something seemingly innocuous can open up a well of emotions. Please vent and know we are here to listen and offer support.

jerriesgirl · May 2010

(((hugs))) my dear

CashewsMommy · May 2010

It's such an emotional rollercoaster. I can find myself laughing and enjoying life one minute, and the next holding back tears. Only time will heal us.

BlakeG · May 2010

CashewsMommy:
It's such an emotional rollercoaster. I can find myself laughing and enjoying life one minute, and the next holding back tears. Only time will heal us.

At this point I'm not even sure if time will. Ok I guess that's just me being all depressed. Will try to be more positive and not a downer tomorrow I promise.

ErinA1313 · May 2010

((BIG SQUEEZE HUG)) it's okay, it's okay. I'm in the same boat, I am okay for a few days and then something small will want me to break down. I was in a horrible mood all this past weekend and I think subconsciously was because it was Mother's Day. Little things are big things to us these days and that is okay. We're here for you - come vent anytime

Izabella22 · May 2010

Awh I'm sorry you're having a rough time. It really doesn't make sense why something big that should set us off doesn't and why something little can just invoke the emotional roller coaster to start up again. And I'm SO sorry about the stupid comments, I really hate that people think that there was no baby, blighted ovum or not, if the stick said pregnant, that means the same damn thing to every woman in the world, and having it taken away still hurts. People who haven't gone through it just don't get it. Heck, even DH hadn't really thought of it that way, until in the midst of me having a breakdown because of something that probably didn't make sense to anyone but me, I explaind that yeah, I lost our baby and that feels really awful, like a part of me died, so yeah, I'm irrational and emotional, that's just how it is. Deal.

Fryday37 · May 2010

im sorry you are having a tough time! i never know what is going to set me off. i have been sitting around by myself for days now because i dont want to be with anyone. i hate the roller coaster of emotions! {{{HUGS}}}

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