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A 13 year old with a debit card - vent

Soon 2 B Mrs. WellsSoon 2 B Mrs. Wells
in Blended Families

DD's dad sent me an e-mail asking if I was aware that DD spend over $125 in less than 10 days. Uh, NO! I didn't know she has access to that amount of money.

He opened a checking account for her and he transfers money into the account. The part that ticks me off is; he wants me to chastize her for not being responsible in her spending. Uh, as far as you are concerned, I don't even know about this account. Even as I type this post I'm receiving e-mails from BD regarding the transactions. NOW he wants me to be aware of the money she has and has spent.

The childish part of me says, serves him right, he tried to keep this checking account a secret from me. I knew about the account but that's because I'm a nosey parent and I found the checkbook. I don't know their agreement of how she is to use the money or how much she's receiving.

I think its a lesson for both of them, she'll know this account doesn't have unlimited funds and he'll learn to stop trying to keep things from me. Stick out tongue

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Re: A 13 year old with a debit card - vent

  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    Exact reason why I decided against the debit card for my DD.  she has a savings account only and really has to think about each purchase before she asks me to drive her to the bank and make the withdraw.

    she made her first withdraw in 6 years last weekend to buy an ipod touch. 

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  • mlm1128mlm1128

    Sorry, but he is the dumbass that gave a 13 year old access to a debit card and an account with that much cash to spend.  Has he ever met any other teenagers??

    Unless he discussed the account with you prior to giving her the access, it is not your problem to deal with.  Now that you know, I'm sure you can monitor it. 

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  • Mrs.Astros_FanMrs.Astros_Fan
    While I think it's a good idea to teach kids about money, it would have gone a whole lot better if he had told you about it so you could support his efforts.  This would fall into the category of 'Things that are not your problem".  My ex pulls stuff like this and it always bites him in the a$$.
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  • flippy1234flippy1234
    He is a dumbass... a better option for her is the paypal student card, its like a prepaid debit card but you can transfer money automatically/immediately into the kids accounts online for free. I have one for each SD, but we don't use them much.. usually we just give them cash. 
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Isn't it amazing how stupid people can be.  Not the same but we did not let SD have a cell phone b/c she was not responsible enough and when she was 15 her Mom got her a pre-paid one when she saw her (the only time in over 1.5 years) and SD let it slip that she should not have it b/c she said outloud "How am I going to get more minutes".  Her BM told her to tell us but did not bother telling us herself.  We did not find out for MONTHS.  SD did not have a phone for over a year after that b/c of the lying b/c she knew she should not have it and we only found out b/c DH called BM about something (BM would never actually call us even though we had custody for years.)
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Soon 2 B Mrs. WellsSoon 2 B Mrs. Wells

    I'm all for teaching her financial responsibility and I will. Its just really crappy that he didn't feel it was necessary to discuss this with me, but yet wants me to clean up the mess. To add insult to injury, I spoke with him to tell him just how crappy he was handling the situation, he says he already talked to her about the spending and she continued spending. Then my question was: Why didn't you take the card?

    It just boils down to he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Too bad!!! I plan on talking to her tonight about her spending, however, I will be calling him and putting him on speakerphone. He's going to have give her guidelines on using the card.

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  • luckyangelluckyangel member

    Not your problem.  

    He should have been more responsible with the way he set it up.  I agree he should have to set the guidelines and he should have to monitor it.  If its not your doing and you don't have access-then I would stay out of it.   

    accordingtoabby.com" "From of suffering emerges the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahlil Gibran
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  • hterry85hterry85 member
    He didn't want you to have anything to do with it when he was being the cool parent giving the debit card, so I'd have nothing to do with it now!
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I also wanted to add, let's be clear, he did not do this to teach her financial responsibility, he did it to be the cool parent which is why he did not want Mommy to know about it!
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    I wouldn't try to drag her down into BD & your power struggles.  Talk about a way to TOTALLY confuse her about money and whether or not you guys can parent her.  I would talk to BD in private, but keep it simple and non-confrontational.  Mention that maybe next time he's making a sort of big decision, you two could discuss it first so you can make some guidelines with DD together.

    A 13 year old is not stupid.  She knows $125 is not pocket change.  Of course you should be part of this conversation regarding money.  It's the only responsible thing to do, and it sounds like a sensible (read: non-drama filled) conversation about finances is necessary. 

    Please set the example and don't start acting like teenagers yourselves by playing the blame game and pointing fingers.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • Mrs.H.Mrs.H.

    I would tell him that he created teh problem so it is his and his alone to solve.

     

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