If you are living with Mommy guilt....what are you doing about it?

Spenjamins · May 2010

There are so many women on here who seem to be living with daily angst, "mommy" guilt, etc...

So for you ladies - what are you doing to overcome these feelings and develop a more positive outlook? What steps or changes can you adopt to get rid of the negative stuff and embrace your situation?

Or, maybe you don't see it as negative at all.

Thoughts?

trackchik6 · May 2010

I am going to therapy.

financialdiva · May 2010

I don't have mommy guilt.

I believe that you have a choice to make every morning. You can be happy or sad. Seriously? If you choose to be sad, you need to see Spenjamin so she can fix your head. Wink

carrie4g · May 2010

I felt that way in the beginning but no longer have that guilt. Maybe what I did could help others...

1. I stopped counting the hours I spend with DS during the work week. I was driving myself nuts counting the hours he spent with the nanny v. with me.

2. I started focusing on quality v. quantity. I became more productive at work, did online shopping and grocery delivery, hired a housekeeper to streamline my life better so when I'm with DS I'm focused on him.

3. I work hard so that I don't have work guilt taking time off to be with DS if he needs me, which, in turn relieved my mommy guilt.

4. I surrounded myself with friends who support me working. One good SAHM friend told me she admired me for all I'm doing.

5. I refocused my thought process to be proud of myself for supporting my family and for my family, that means me working so we can own a home, have insurance, etc.

The mommy guilt is the price I pay for what I'm doing for my family's well being. I could be feeding into that guilt all the time and making everyone around me miserable.

meags · May 2010

I'm not a huge mommy-guilter, but I do suffer the pangs now and then. I mostly try to think about how good my kids really do have it, despite my flaws in the parenting department. My job involves kids in state custody so I have every day reminder of what rough situations some kids are in and what crappy parents are really like.

I also try to maintain friendships with women in the same circumstances as me...working moms, similar income level (low, lol), similar approaches to parenting. There is a lot of wealth and a "keeping up with the Jones" mentality in my area, which can get depressing. Hanging out with moms who aren't into that really helps keep things in perspective. (Obviously I don't exclude other moms who may SAH, or drop a friend for having more disposable income, it's just nice sometimes to be among "peers", lol).

ETA: and by "flaws", I don't mean I think I'm flawed because I work. I just mean things that as parents I think we all worry about...am I too strict? Not strict enough? Are my kids eating right? Getting their vitamins? Did the fact that I yelled at DS last night scar him for the rest of his life?

madhatter2003 · May 2010

carrie4g:
I felt that way in the beginning but no longer have that guilt. Maybe what I did could help others...

1. I stopped counting the hours I spend with DS during the work week. I was driving myself nuts counting the hours he spent with the nanny v. with me.

2. I started focusing on quality v. quantity. I became more productive at work, did online shopping and grocery delivery, hired a housekeeper to streamline my life better so when I'm with DS I'm focused on him.

3. I work hard so that I don't have work guilt taking time off to be with DS if he needs me, which, in turn relieved my mommy guilt.

4. I surrounded myself with friends who support me working. One good SAHM friend told me she admired me for all I'm doing.

5. I refocused my thought process to be proud of myself for supporting my family and for my family, that means me working so we can own a home, have insurance, etc.

The mommy guilt is the price I pay for what I'm doing for my family's well being. I could be feeding into that guilt all the time and making everyone around me miserable.

I try and do this....I'd say I'm getting better too.

CA2006 · May 2010

I wouldn't classify what I have as "mommy guilt" b/c I don't wish I was a SAH. I do think about DS often and miss getting to spend the amount of time I did with him while on leave. But I am a WM and chose to be. Not b/c I needed to be. As for what I do to address ro deal with missing him? I remind myself tat I am doing this because it makes me a "better mom" to him. Not that working makes me a better mom, but having a job/career and something outside of family helps me, personally, to be a better mom to my son. Plus I carry the benefits, so there is a tangible there too. I am also looking for a new job, closer to home and hoepfully with a bit more flexibility. I think that will help.

jenuine · May 2010

I responded with a rarely, so keep that in mind... But here is what I do:

I focus on my family 100% when I am with them. I value every second with them. I'm the type that lays in DD's bed watching her sleep and stands in the doorway, listening to DH play guitar. I do every thing I can to spend every non-working minute with them. I have a house keeper so I don't have to do that when I could be enjoying my family. I order groceries online after DC is in bed and have them delivered so I don't grocery shop. I answer calls and pay bills on my commute (train). We hired a neighborhood kid to cut the grass. Basically, everything I can do to make my time at home family time, I do even if it costs a bit. I can't put a price on the little time I get with the two people I love more than anything.

I have said it before, but I have a list of all the things working affords me posted where I can see it (it's on my fridge, but I have thought of putting it in my purse or a drawer in my desk). I list my daughter's college fund, our amazing vacations, being a role model for DD, security of 2 incomes in a tough economy, no "break" in my resume, our home and car being better than what they would be on one sallary, all DD is learning at school including friendships and special activities I couldn't give her at home, adult interactions at work... I could go on and on. Knowing what I do is the best for everyone and focusing on the positives really helps wipe away the negitive emotions.

I also surround myself with people who support my decision to work. Friends, family, co-workers, etc who all are role model working moms. I look at how successful their families are and know I want the same for myself. I look at my SAH friends and family and see what they are missing. I just can't do that.

sgrl · May 2010

I make every moment I spend with her quality time. Consequently, my house is a wreck, but I'm not the maid, so that doesn't make me feel guilty.

mclaugaa · May 2010

I multitask at work so I don't have to when I am home.

I pay my bills, online shopping, and make my calls during my lunch break.

I spend at least 1 hour everyday playing with DS.

I cook a couple of meals at once so I'm not cooking every night.

I only clean on Thursday nights after DS is in bed

summer80 · May 2010

My motto: Happy Mom = happy baby even if you have to fake it sometimes!

mamafoxX2 · May 2010

I realized my daughter is flourishing in daycare. Her speech and social skills have improved immensely- she NEEDED it. Therefore, I curb my mommy guilt by saying I have to go to work to pay for my DD's "school." Her little sister will be going too, and my mom has already started to lay it on me about sending an infant to daycare so young. She will be well adjusted and more social than her sister because she will be exposed at an earlier age, plus we LOOOOOVE the woman who in charge of the babies at the daycare, so to me, its worth it.

Mrs.Telly · May 2010

My goal is to save as much as possible right now so in 3-4 years I can work only part time.

I look forward to picking her up from DC. Really my whole day is counting down when I will see that precious face again.

Oh, and my motto is "I'm doing it for Disneyland" Disneyland is a euphemism for all the things I want to give my daughter that I didn't necessarily have while I was growing up.

ka2005 · May 2010

Mommy guilt comes with being a Mom. So, #1 I accept that.

How do you not feel guilt when your LO tells you in her toddler voice, NO work today! Please. (insert whatever activity is taking you away from your LO: cleaning, gym, grocery shopping)

I do my best to give her as much attention as I can when I am with her. If I've had a tough day and I pick her up and she wants to go to the park, guess what, we spend an hour at the park swinging and running and sliding. Even though I am dreaming of putting my swollen feet up on the couch.

My house is a mess as I can't afford housekeeping at this time

I turn down social events so I have more time for my family

I've put gym memberships on hold until I see a better fit into our schedule

Lots of personal sacrifices right now so that I CAN have as much time with LO as possible. It is so temporary, they grow up so fast and I don't want to miss out:-)

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