Born Sleeping at 37 Weeks

elbandas09 · May 2010

At 37 weeks I stopped feeling my baby girl moving, stopped feeling her hiccups and her kicks. I went to the hospital and they confirmed our worst fear; we lost our second baby. I called my husband and the nurse had to tell him the news because I couldn't ; I was on the phone with my doctor and she was explaining to me our options. My husband and I just held each other until we could compose ourselves enough to talk about our next move. We decided on a vaginal delivery because the recovery time would be faster than a c-section. It was a state of shock we were numb to for the first few days.

I am 22, and have been married for 15 months to the most supportive husband you could ever ask for. Within 9 hours our baby girl was born sleeping on April 29. It was a VERY easy delivery. She was absolutely beautiful at 5lbs 12 oz and 20 inches long. It was a cord accident. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.

Never in a million years did we ever think that we were going to have to talk about creamating our daughter. Never in a million years did we think we would have to make these arrangements at such a young age. I thought our children were supposed to be the ones making the arrangements for us? Isn't that the correct cycle of life?

This isn't fair by any means. What did we ever do to deserve this? Why us and why twice? Some days I feel guilty for not crying. Some days getting out of bed is SO difficult. I know its not my fault and it's just a crazy freak accident but some days I feel it is my fault. I feel like a failure not only to myself but to my husband. What do I have to do to give him a precious child? I was 37 weeks, she was considered full term. If only we could have predicted the future she would've survived perfectly fine. I always feel if she was here with us eveything would be so much better. How many times do we have to go through this until we get our precious baby to tuck in at night and to take care of? Some days I can't even look at myself can I am so disappointed in myself and the way my stomach looks. Its a constant reminder of our loss.

I want my Lila Peal, my baby girl back home with us, in our arms so we can be our family. There were no indications anything like this would happen in our pregnancy. It was a picture perfect pregnancy and I had nothing to complain about. Anyone have any advice of how to cope? We are just taking it one day at a time.

Sorry so long, I have wanted to write this to get it all off my chest and to get some advice since we lost her. It hasnt even been two weeks and we are still in so much pain. Thank you for taking the time to read because I know it is long and thank you even more for commenting if you do.

SmallestWilk · May 2010

Thank you for sharing this story. My deepest condolences on the loss of Lila. Words truly can't express so I'm sending a hug and many, many, prayers for you and your husband.

Gummybear · May 2010

I wish this nightmare happened to no one. I am so, so sorry. We seem to be seeing a lot of late losses lately here. So heartbreaking and unfair. I am praying for you and your family.

schenkertobe · May 2010

I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my twins at 23weeks on April 24th. I too am sharing alot of the same feelings that you are. I have had an enormous amount of guilt even though I know that there is nothing I did wrong. I think this is a totally normal feeling this early after a loss. I too have a difficult time facing my husband because I feel so guilty that I lost his babies. If I get one to two things accomplished in a day, thats a good day for me. Most days I'd prefer to bury myself in bed.

What your feeling is completely normal I think. What has helped me is talking to someone close who is all ears. My sister has been an enormous help and has just listened to me when I need to get these feelings off my chest. It also helps to keep busy and keep company close. I find that when I am by myself is when I really start to feel depressed and guilty. Do you have family/friends close by that you can talk with?

This board is also a big source of support. There are, unfortunately, alot of women on here who have gone through late losses and have been so supportive. Each day does get a little better than the day before.

rowanthefrog · May 2010

I'm so deeply sorry for the loss of your little Lila. I can't imagine the depth of your pain. No one should ever have to experience what you and your husband have been through. You have come to the right place though, even though none of us wants to be here. You will find a lot of love and support here. I'm so sorry you have to join us.

A

SassyMamainVA · May 2010

I'm so, so sorry for your loss of Lila. My heart breaks for you and the immense pain you're going through. I wish none of us had to experience this grief. I hope you are able to find support and comfort from this board. (((Hugs)))

jerriesgirl · May 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. I often think that this is not right. Parents aren't supposed to bury their kids; it should be the other way around. This board is very supportive, so feel free to write as long of a post as you want.

sabrina&andy · May 2010

I have no advice, only my most sincerest condolences. I cannot even begin to image what you both are experiencing right now. You sound like an amazingly strong woman. BIG (((HUGS))).

shegak · May 2010

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. Sending you prayers.

erinb1025 · May 2010

There are no words to express how sorry I am. I hate that any family has to go through this. Your daughter's name is beautiful. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

damabo80 · May 2010

I'm so so so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for all three of you. You're right, it should never be like this. We'll be here in the days, weeks, and months to come....please feel free to vent to us whenever.

Sunflower730 · May 2010

I am sorry foryour loss.

I lost my twins at 23 weeks and I can not tell you how much Iwoul dlove to have them back in my arms. Life is sometimes not fair.

I am sending you hugs and prayers.

SL2010 · May 2010

I am so sorry for your loss, and all the pain you are going through. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

britt_dickey · May 2010

My words are not sufficient, but I am so sorry for your loss.

bethskye · May 2010

I'm so very sorry. Such a beautiful name should never have to be tied to such a great sadness. No one in the world should have to feel the grief of losing a child. I hope that you can find some comfort here.

elizabeth&james · May 2010

I am so sorry for your loss- this is just so sad and so unfair. Nothing can be said to make the hurt go away but I hope you can find some comfort on this board ? I?ve found it?s the one place I can be myself and express my feelings without judgment ? and where the ppl I?m talking to really do know what I?m going through. I?m so sorry for you and your DH.

bgarson · May 2010

I am so sorry. I can truly understand your pain and sorrow. I lost my daughter at 22 weeks. She was also born still. It's horrible, it sucks and it hurts like hell. We are here for you!

mrs.wright2023 · May 2010

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. I wish there was something I could say that could ease your pain. You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you can find some comfort in this board. I know it has helped me in the past.

magdalina.h · May 2010

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. We'll be here for you whenever you need us.

Fryday37 · May 2010

i am so sorry for your loss. my heart goes out to you and your dh. you're right; it's not fair but its nothing you did wrong! i honestly dont know how i would cope but i would want the support of my family and closest friends. i think i would also seek out a support group or therapist to have someone to talk to. sending thoughts, prayers and lots of HUGS to you, your dh and your beautiful Lila!

CashewsMommy · May 2010

I am so sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing your story.

My Aurora was born sleeping at 35w. Unlike you, we do not have an answer why though. Everything you wrote is exactly everything I went through in my head. I also had a picture perfect pregnancy, and if we had known, she could have survived.... that was a huge one for me.

Advice on how to cope? One day at a time is too much. Minute by minute, hour by hour is more realistic. I had a good morning, but my afternoon is slowly falling into pieces.

How i have been coping is talking about my beautiful Aurora. Talking about everything that happened, and talking about how i'm feeling. I am allowing myself to cry when I need to cry, and trying my best not to feel guilty when i'm not crying. So many people have told me Aurora wouldn't want me to cry, she wouldn't want me to be sad. I've also been writing in a blog. That has helped me a lot.

My doctor gave me a book called "Empty Arms" by Pam V(i don't remember what her last name is right now) and it was an amazing book!! I highly reccommend it.

Different things work for different people. You'll slowly heal. I know I am. How is your DH doing? I remember you saying he was having a difficult time.

Zed58 · May 2010

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I have no idea what you are going through or how you must feel. I do know that we will be here for you. We'll share your tears and your fears. I hope you are able to find strength and comfort from knowing you're not alone. ((((HUGS))))