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I'm a horrible person and need advice (NBR)

CityplannerCityplanner
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months
I was a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding in February. It was out of town and I travelled with DH, DD and my inlaws (as our babysitters). We usually give a check for a wedding gift. It's just what we do in our circle. I forgot to bring my checkbook, so I just planned to send it when we got home. Well, I totally dropped the ball and it's May and I need to deal with this before I become even more horrible than I am now. I feel weird just mailing a card and check now. They had a charity registry. Is it OK to make a donation to that? Do I send a card? If I do, how do I apologize, in the card or by email? They had a gift registry, but I'm worried that they might have bought stuff off it but not updated it. Help! What do I do? I've been thinking about this for months without reaching a conclusion and just making it worse by waiting.
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Re: I'm a horrible person and need advice (NBR)

  • deeanneharrisdeeanneharris
    Since your friend is close enough that you were in the wedding, I would probably send a card with a separate note saying how I couldn't believe I forgot to send it, DD keeps me busy, etc. I am sure it is more awkward for you than it will be for her.
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  • Jen1231Jen1231
    I think I would just be honest and tell them what happened.  You forgot your checkbook and then it went downhill from there.  If it were me I would call to let them know and then send a card in the mail (with a check or whatever you plan on getting them for a gift.)  Just appologize, I am sure they will understand. 
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  • MrsBattyMrsBatty

    I'd make a donation and then send a card.

    I'd probably just explain that I made a donation and say something like "please forgive me for getting this to you so late."

    I don't think it's ever too late to send a gift.  .... we were still getting wedding gifts a year later and I really appreciated them. 

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  • MegDCMegDC member
    I would write a note that explains how much she means to you and that you are sorry its taken so long.  Hand write it, include a gift of the charitable contribution or check or gift card, and then stop being so hard on yourself.   I am sure she will understand. :)
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  • Noelle2375Noelle2375
    It is not my experience to get the bride and groom a gift if you are in the wedding because of the money you had to spend on the dress, hair, nails, etc etc etc. I did not get gifts from any of my bridesmaids for this reason.
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  • mistresscoxmistresscox member
    ITA with deanne-just send the check with a card apologizing that it is so late.  i'm sure she'll understand.  no big deal.  
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  • Jen1231Jen1231

    imageNoelle2375:
    It is not my experience to get the bride and groom a gift if you are in the wedding because of the money you had to spend on the dress, hair, nails, etc etc etc. I did not get gifts from any of my bridesmaids for this reason.

    REALLY?  I wish I would have know this.  I have always given a gift to wedding I have been in. 

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  • jackie.couturierjackie.couturier
    You have a year to send wedding gifts
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  • BrideInLondonBrideInLondon
    Technically, by etiquette standards, it is perfectly acceptable to send a wedding gift within one year of the wedding.
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  • Noelle2375Noelle2375
    imageJen1231:

    imageNoelle2375:
    It is not my experience to get the bride and groom a gift if you are in the wedding because of the money you had to spend on the dress, hair, nails, etc etc etc. I did not get gifts from any of my bridesmaids for this reason.

    REALLY?  I wish I would have know this.  I have always given a gift to wedding I have been in. 

    Yeah. I mean you already spend so much on being IN the wedding that it would seem kind of selfish of the Bride and Groom to accept a gift. One of my bridesmaids tried to give me a check and I would NOT take it. I felt bad enought that they had to spend $ on the dress and hair and shoes and hotel, etc.

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  • KSimone619KSimone619 member
    Etiquette says you have up to a year to gift for a wedding.  I don't think it's a big deal at all!  A lot of people don't want to leave cash and checks in a wedding box anyway.  Just send them a card in the mail, I'm sure they won't even think twice!
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  • txbabs111txbabs111 member

    Etiquette says that you have up to a year after a wedding to send a gift. I'd just send the check with a card.

    ETA: Must read replies before replying! Sorry that I'm the billionth person to say this!

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  • CityplannerCityplanner
    OK, thank you all for talking me off a ledge. I've clearly built this up to be a much bigger thing than it is. Phew.
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  • trackchik6trackchik6 member
    I heard the rule is that you have one year to give someone a wedding gift.  Do whatever you want and don't feel bad!  I think they'll be happy to get whatever it is - it will be fun to get something now!  
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  • hellopoppyseedhellopoppyseed
    According to "the rules" you have a year after a wedding to send a gift.
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  • 2-Step2-Step member
    I have read that it is actually ok etiquette-wise to give a wedding gift anytime in the year after the wedding. We actually received a few gifts six months or more after our wedding and it was kind of a fun surprise. Don't worry about it, just send a gift card to their favorite store or donate to the charity and send a card. I'm sure your friend will be grateful.
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  • ryry1977ryry1977 member
    I would send a check and card in the mail now.  I would of loved that after my wedding.
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  • mandolynn81mandolynn81 member

    I would order something off their registry and have it sent to their house-it usually give you the option to send to you or them, and say something like sorry this is so late, had a great time, ect.?

    We bought alot off our registry, but updated it and kept it open for a year, all our birthday and xmas presents that year came from our registry and we loved it!!?

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