- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
LCB34
member
S/O of BFing
LCB34
member
So, everyone that has plans to BF mentioned the added health benefit to baby - which I 100% agree with and understand.
However, at what point does baby's health benefit of getting BM trump everything else?
I guess my question comes from the fact that my hesitations towards BFing are due in part to watching my sister's lack of supply prompt her PPD (and her mental health was not well enough to take care of a baby when her PPD was at its worst) and knowing how hard I am on myself for not being able to do something I should be able to do (struggling with infertility was very hard on me and sent me in to depression and the underlying "my body sucks as a woman and making babies" is similar to the "my body sucks and can't feed my child").
You always hear how selfish it is to FF but, wouldn?t it be just a selfish to BF is the mom?s mental health and well being is questionable due to strains of uncontrollable issues around problems BFing?
I'm not looking to start a debate, I am really just curious what other's opinions on this are. I also fully expect some people to disagree with the decision I have made ? and that is fine for them to feel that way but ultimately this is my decision.
ETA: this post is not to fish for "your deicision is right for you" comments - I am really curious what others think about when the benefit to the baby no longer outweights the negatives in other areas (be in mental health, work situation, etc) as they related to BFing (if they ever should in your mind).
This discussion has been closed.
Re: S/O of BFing
I am a huge proponent of BFing, but if the mother's health or mental well being is seriously at risk because of BFing issues, then I absolutely think it is in both the baby and the mom's best interests for her to stop.
However, if there are other issues contributing to the PPD that are more significant than the BFing, I would hope those issues would be resolved first before giving up on BFing.
Ultimately, to BF or not is your decision.
Very interesting question. I'm a big believer in doing what's right for You and Your baby and not what's right for everyone else. Yes, breastfeeding would be awesome, but a baby needs a healthy mommy more. And as my Mama often says to me "I gave you formula and look at you! You're fine!" Good luck.
So glad you posted this. When I was pregnant with DD, I planned to breastfeed. I read the books, went to the class....and was gung ho. However, when she was born....it was really a struggle. My supply was very limited, the poor thing was hungry, and I was already having to supplement since she was losing weight. I also cried about it every day and was incredibly anxious.
We realized that a crying/anxious mom was probably not the best thing for a newborn. I was diagnosed with mild PPD. When I stopped breastfeeding, it was like a weight was lifted. I was happier, my baby was happier. It was a "win win". I can still remember DH saying "how can you be the best mom to her if you are crying at every feeding"? So like I said, going to FF was a "win win".
I received many comments from people about the "evils" of FF. Whatever. I would not change a thing.
I think BFing is a personal choice and no one should be judged for doing it or not doing it. I will be the only one in my immediate family or DH's family that has even tried BFing. I got crazy comments about why I would want to.
I want to at least try but you are right some women can't do it. I think I would be sad if I couldn't but I don't think it will cause major problems.
I think women are really hard on themselves when something doesn't go like it "should" and parenting is hard enough as it is.
My plan is to go into it with the frame of mind that I am going to give BFing a shot. If it doesn't work for what ever reason, that is fine we will supplement or just go straight to FF.
And even if it does go well I am only planning to BF for 6 months tops, basically until he gets teeth. I know there are some people that BF until their child is 2 or more, and I have my own opinions about that.
Like pretty much everything that has to do with parenting, you have to do what works for you and your family. There is no perfect answer.
I agree that its not for all women, but you won't know that unless you try. I will go in with the attitude that I will try to breast feed or EP for as long as I can, but if it gets to be too much, formula feeding is ok too.
I want to BF my first BIO, WANT TO but I am not sure if I will be able to or not! I dont have family issues and I have never had dep so I am not concerned at the moment that it could come as baby blues.
I FF my first (adopted) I feel bonded to him just as any mom to their DS. I did not carry him in my womb so I already did not have that connection with him but I dont feel cheated or less close to him because of that and having had to FF.
BF has its advantages but so does FF. You and your DH will be able to do it just as equally and the baby will bond with both rather than just with you early on. Also there is no risk of low supply, a can is always a shelf away.
I hope you figure it out and dont mind the bad looks of others, there will always be ppl that disagree with you even with your best made decisions.
I think you have to consider the risks and benefits to both the mother and the baby. For example, I know someone whose wife had severe PPD. Her doctor felt it was best for her to stop BFing so that she could take a particular medication to treat the PPD. In that situation, of course, I think that stopping BFing was the best choice for the mom and baby. That decision enabled the mom to care for her child in the best way possible.
I plan to BF, but keep telling myself that it is just a plan and if I am unable to do it (including for health, mental health reasons), that is okay. I don't want to set my expectations in a way that makes me upset with myself if I am unable to BF. I hope this mentality helps me cope with whatever happens.
This exactly. Honestly, I didn't know some people looked as FF as being a selfish parent! I'm a little appalled at that statement - I know OP wasn't saying it herself and I don't want to start a debate either, but geez, people seem to always find fault with everything when it comes to parenting.
This is my stance on all things child-rearing related:
The fact is, if it's not your child (and the child is not being harmed in anyway) why the hell are you all up in my business about what I do??
I will FF and making that decision was a weight off my shoulders. I still don't feel comfortable talking to others about it. Personally, I don't always feel that 'breast is best' especially when it takes a toll on the mother.
I have been off antidepressants since TTC and I will be dying to get back on-- I am hardwired to have PPD. Even though they say certain ones are okay (the one I am on is not the best one to be on) I don't want to take any chances. How do they know? Most of these SSRIS have only been around for 10-15 years. Can you really say what the long term effects are? Since I know my child is already genetically pre-disposed to depression, I'm not taking any chances.
I totally agree with the bolded statement. The stigmas around not BFing are so strong and come at every direction (heck my Dad made comments to my sister and he doesn't have boobs for crying out loud) that it can make the pressure to succeed that much more (and the ?failure? that much harder).
I think those that say it is selfish to FF mean it is selfish to FF when they don't want to BF based on seflish issues such as "I don't want my breasts to change".
But when you just cannot do it, there is absolutely nothing selfish about it. If your mental health depends on you FF, then you FF, and take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby.
I totally agree with this statement.
Since you mention mental health in your post think of it this way, just as a comparison:
If you're depressed before pregnancy and on an antidepressant there's a very good chance you'd stay on it during pregnancy. Do your doctors WANT you to be on a medication? No, probably not. But specifically with something like depression the benefits of staying on the medication and being healthy/productive outweigh the risks of the baby being affected by the medication.
IMO if you're going to be way happier not even considering breastfeeding (and thus taking away the pressure to be successful at it) then that's the way to go.
I personally would try it either way. Everyone is different; my mother had 4 kids delivered naturally who latched on within minutes of being born. My aunt (her sister) had a horrible time getting pregnant/staying pregnant, had an epidural and meds during delivery and didn't go near breastfeeding after the first day postpartum because she didnt like it.
Even though you say you aren't looking for this as a response, it ultimately really is your decision. There are plenty of babies who can't be breastfed for one reason or another who turn out just fine.
I agree with you on this. Healthy babies and children come from both physical and mental stability around them. The chances of there being any real noticeable issues from not BF'ing are slim to none, but the affects of you being a mentally unstable mom will show up for sure in your child.
I am worried about BF'ing as well. I'm worried about it causing or contributing to PPD and I'm also worried about the pain that can come with it, and the exhaustion that can come with it. Part of my "plan" for after the baby gets here is to just flow with things. If BF'ing is just too hard or not working I will already have a container of formula in the cabinet.
I think as new moms we need to do whats best for us and the baby. If BF'ing is going to cause issues then its not what is best for the baby.
Sorry if that was a mess of a statement I feel like my brain isn't working today.
Little Lucy Bird
I don't think any mom should put her health at risk to bf - if you are miserable then that's not good for your LO or you. I think overall a happy healthy mom is better than breastmilk for a baby. There are also cases where bfing isn't an option due to medications that the mother takes and I certainly don't think women should stop taking their prescriptions in order to bf.
I guess I do feel like most women should give bfing a try because it might work out just fine. However, if you couldn't deal with trying and then deciding not to continue maybe it's better to skip it altogether.
I just used PPD as an example of when the health of the mother was not at its prime due to sacrificing for the health of the baby (health of baby being better due to being BF). And, at what point does mom's health start to have more weight that baby's?
Does that make sense?
this. A happy mommy = a happy baby, no matter which way you feed.
If the mom isn't healthy, the baby isn't going to be able to be raised in a healthy environment. It's our job as mothers to take care of our babies (along with dads), and if doing something as simple as breast feeding (which, may end up NOT being simple) is going to impede our ability to nurture them the way they need to be, then it's not worth it. Our world is full of options and medical technologies to help aid us in having healthy babies and healthy families. So why shouldn't we take advantage of it? I'm not saying we should use it as a crutch, but, we have options, and we should know what options we have going into these situations, and then make the best decisions we can when the time comes, and know it is ok to change our mind. Nothing in this process is etched in stone. Other than the fact that a baby WILL come out of you at some point.
I am planning to BF, and will hopefully be able to BF for at least a year. But, I also know, that while I've decided this is the best I can offer my child, I know that there is a potential that it might not work out, and that if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. It's not worth stressing THAT much over IMO. Not saying I won't put forth every effort, but if I have to switch to formula, then I will live with that. It may not be my ideal plan, but, since when does life ever meet all your expectations and get carried out according to your plans?
My thought on this is and always has been. Baby is healthiest, happiest, and better off if Mom is happy and healthy.
If breastfeeding is going to stress or overwhelm the mom then the baby is better off w/ formula and a mom who is enjoying her time w/ them.
i didn't read through all the replies, so if this was already covered, my apologies.
my dr. actually mentioned that taking extra vitamin D supplements after the baby is born can greatly help with PPD (and non-postpartum-related depression, as well), along with making sure to get enough exposure to sunlight (again, with the vitamin D, i believe)
I BFed for 6 months. And when it became too much for me I had to stop. I always had a low supply and going back to work at 6 weeks didn't help. I was pumping sometimes up to 10 times a day as well as nursing on demand when I was with DD. DH tried to get me to quit BFing at 4 months when I was diagnosed with PPD but I was hell bent on making it to the 6 month mark. I don't think my low supply contributed to my PPD (depression runs in my family) but it didn't help with the stress of being a mom.
Once I quit pumping I was soooo much happier. And though I missed BFing my DD I was happy for the decision to quit. It was just not working out for our family anymore. We switched to formula and never looked back.
I do hope so have better luck this time but if I don't, I won't beat myself up about it as much as I did last time.