Birthday party dilemma - WWYD?

Courtney&Jason · May 2010

I sent out an email to my family and my husband's family to 'save the date' for LO's first birthday party. Her birthday is on April 22nd and we wanted it that Saturday (the 21st).

My ILs emailed back asking if we could move the party to the weekend before. They have a big fishing tournament every year that falls on that August weekend. Mind you, this tournament was the reason why they couldn't see us in the hospital just after our daughter was born. They waited 3 days because they were busy. So, I have a little bit of anger already that it seems like this tournament takes priority over their grandchild.

Should I move the party to the weekend before? Or should I have one birthday party with my family the day we wanted it and hold another party the weekend before with his family?

JLSimon1 · May 2010

Hmmm, this is kinda tough. What would cause the least amount of drama/stress on you?

Would it be easier to just reschedule by one weekend? I'm sure they just get excited to see their friends/have some fun on this fishing trip thingy. But I know it sucks for you.

Would your family care about moving the date? Would it upset you if the date was moved? I know we had to change our son's party date for my parents (and thankfully DH was fine with it), so I know that it sucks...but I wanted everyone together.

So its totally up to you. Just do whats best for you and enjoy her very first birthday!

Bri&Shane_3/8/08 · May 2010

I guess to me you have to decide if you need to have your in-laws there. It would KILL DH to not have his family there, so I would move the date to make him happy.

Something you could also do is on her actual birthday, have a SMALL get together with your family - just so that the day is celebrated. But then have the "party" the weekend before.

mavilabride · May 2010

Is it a huge deal that it lands on that weekend? In other words, is there some sort of emotional connection with that specific date?

If so, then don't move it. But if it's just a date that you planned and things won't be ruined by changing it I would change it. No biggie.

EastCoastBride · May 2010

As it's her first, I might be inclined to find a time that everyone can be there. However, at the same time, they need to also realize that you can't (and won't) schedule her b-day parties every year around their fishing tournament.

Another "however" - if you make that stand (either this year or in future years), you also have to be understanding if they opt to not come.

babyformeg · May 2010

I guess you have to decide what is more important. Being flexible so all can attend and harboring your resentment and fighting against the tourney. If it were me I would move it and be done with one party, be the bigger person. You have obviously known about it so I'm not sure why you would schdeule it for then anyways. Sorry if that sounds harsh, sounds like unnecesary drama.

4realyo · May 2010

I would keep the bday scheduled the date you have (closest to her bday). If those grandparents want to prioritize fishing over their grandkid's 1st bday party, thats on them. (and total BS imo)

Courtney&Jason · May 2010

EastCoastBride:

As it's her first, I might be inclined to find a time that everyone can be there. However, at the same time, they need to also realize that you can't (and won't) schedule her b-day parties every year around their fishing tournament.

Another "however" - if you make that stand (either this year or in future years), you also have to be understanding if they opt to not come.

I think this is why I am so hesitant to change it. I feel like I'm setting a precedent that we'll always adjust everything around fishing. There is a long history with his family that fishing and hunting come first. It sucks and I knew this going into the family, but I want to feel like I at least have a little control over our daughter's first party. Sad

ivs112 · May 2010

I wouldn't change it. Would it kill them to miss the tournament? Are you going to have to schedule it around them every year. That's a little unfair. But I'm a biitch like that.

TommysGirl56 · May 2010

This is tough. I totally understand why you would be upset with the in-laws. It is pretty rude that they want you to plan around their schedule. Still, family is family. Is it important to DH that they be at the party? If so, I would change the date of the party for him, not merely because the in-laws want it a different day. Sometimes you have to roll your eyes and go with it to keep the peace. Sory you have to deal with this, though!

EastCoastBride · May 2010

Courtney&Jason:
EastCoastBride:

As it's her first, I might be inclined to find a time that everyone can be there. However, at the same time, they need to also realize that you can't (and won't) schedule her b-day parties every year around their fishing tournament.

Another "however" - if you make that stand (either this year or in future years), you also have to be understanding if they opt to not come.

I think this is why I am so hesitant to change it. I feel like I'm setting a precedent that we'll always adjust everything around fishing. There is a long history with his family that fishing and hunting come first. It sucks and I knew this going into the family, but I want to feel like I at least have a little control over our daughter's first party.

Where does your DH stand on this? Again- even if I changed it this year, I would make it VERY CLEAR w/ everyone (DH included) that this will not be the case every year.

While I dont' feel events have to be celebrated on the exact date, at the same time, it's also not fair for them to expect you to do it this way every year to accomodate them. I think your DD comes first in this equation!

I had DS's 1st party about 9 days early due to DH's job. Honestly- it felt weird. It didnt' feel "real" because it was so early.

Courtney&Jason · May 2010

Ok ladies, thanks for all of your input. I thought about it over a Starbucks Smile and I'm going to leave it up to my husband to make the decision. I'm going to tell him that whatever he decides, I will go along with.

If he does decide to have it the week prior.....this will be the only year that we rearrange to accommodate his family around a fishing tournament. Not because I want it that way, but because as our LO gets older......I'm sure she will want her b-day as close as possible to her actual birthday.

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