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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Crappy things I have to do today: Congratulate one coworker on her pg. She?s due 11 days b/f I was and while it?s been OK for me to avoid her for a while, she?s obviously showing and it?s starting to feel weird to me that I haven?t said anything ? I just need to fake it and get it over with. Look at another coworker?s 11 week ultrasound pic. She just got it yesterday and already told me she wants to show it to me. She is confiding in me b/c she doesn?t have really close friends at work and she is excited to share w/ someone (of course she is) since she?s not telling anyone else at work for another few weeks. But I get sick just thinking of seeing the black and white image and the baby growing happily. Nobody at work knows about my pg or m/c and neither of these women are ppl I feel I trust enough to confide in?that I trust enough to keep my secret. So I just have to get thru this. I wish I could have done this last week b/c I was feeling stronger then- this week already sucks. Please send me strength!!!
I'm over it- all of it.
I?m so over this?this whole I-feel-pretty-good-today,-I-think-maybe-I?m-on-the-upswing?and then I realize I?m feeling tired and anxious and stressed out and I realize that the dark, gloomy cloud is hovering over me again and emotionally I feel drained and wrecked and more sad and mad and frustrated than I have for a whole week. I know it?s a roller coaster but I am done and I want to get off this ride. I wish it was that easy. This would have been my week 17?it is never far from my mind how different things could have been.
Crappy things I have to do today: Congratulate one coworker on her pg. She?s due 11 days b/f I was and while it?s been OK for me to avoid her for a while, she?s obviously showing and it?s starting to feel weird to me that I haven?t said anything ? I just need to fake it and get it over with. Look at another coworker?s 11 week ultrasound pic. She just got it yesterday and already told me she wants to show it to me. She is confiding in me b/c she doesn?t have really close friends at work and she is excited to share w/ someone (of course she is) since she?s not telling anyone else at work for another few weeks. But I get sick just thinking of seeing the black and white image and the baby growing happily. Nobody at work knows about my pg or m/c and neither of these women are ppl I feel I trust enough to confide in?that I trust enough to keep my secret. So I just have to get thru this. I wish I could have done this last week b/c I was feeling stronger then- this week already sucks. Please send me strength!!!
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Re: I'm over it- all of it.
I'm so sorry
It always feels like two steps forward, one step back. Just know that this crappy feeling won't last forever, and you'll be on an upswing in due time. In the meantime, we're here for you. Hugs.
I actually started telling people around me about the PG and loss....and I have found it to be liberating. Like it's no longer my "dirty secret" that I need to keep under wraps. We created a child, we lost a child, we love that child. In addition, for those PG people around me, they now understand why I'm not squealing happily when I see their ultrasound pics.
My pregnant co-worker (desk next to mine, same EDD as me) is showing....but luckily it's in the "I had too many beers" stage and not the "cute round belly" stage. I'm sure it will be a down day for me when I see her one Monday sporting the cute bump.
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
I also did this, and it has helped tremendously. I started with people I trusted and moved on. I have had several people tell me "you should move on", but I ignore those people and keep going. It also puts it out there, because it's such a taboo subject, I feel like more people need to know and understand what it is like. Hope it starts to get better soon!
natural miscarriage 4/11/10 @ 9 weeks 4 days
our miracle, Cecilia Mae, born 5/22/11
I'm so sorry. Hope everything goes better. Deep breaths.
This is exactly how I feel- up and down- almost manic. Except almost EVERYONE at my work knows (about 400 people)- the damn place is a gossip farm. BUT, I do have to say that everyone I've talked to so far has been really supportive. Sometimes it helps when everyone knows- then at least they know why I'm not myself right now.
Plus my SIL is preggo with a girl. While I'm happy for her- I can't help but feel jealous- congratulating her was terribly hard for me. But I know it'll get better- it has to, right?
I could have written this exactly. I just found out yesterday that a third person is due in November, when I was due. Thats on top of the four people that are due this summer - and I just lost it. I called DH but it sounded like he chuckled - he claims it was just a weird breath, but I don't believe him. I ended up getting kinda drunk last night and woke up with a headache..... awesome. Felt a little better after a good cry though
It does get better eventually, but bad days happen from time to time. And you just have to let them and get through them the best you can.
Sorry you're having such a rough day. (((HUG)))
It's never far from my mind either (17 weeks)...and the roller coaster seems never ending. I'm over it too, but don't know how to get off.
I agree with the others about telling people at work or around you. So many people I work with new - and though it's hard sometimes to handle some comments, for the most part the support and understanding is so helpful.
Good luck ~ I hope your day improves.
BFP #2 EDD September 30, 2012 ~ natural m/c 5w4d
broken hearted, changed forever
We love and miss you Jillian (18w) and Peanut (6w). Welcome to our TAC miracle Jacob!
Sending lots of love and strength your way!!
If you find out a way to get off this ride, i'd love it if you told us all how to also. I was just thinking today that "today is a good day" where as yesterday and Sunday were HORRIBLE!
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
so sorry. (((hugs)))
this exactly