Mother's Day Fail

poolgirl7901 · May 2010

I am new to this board - I miscarried last Thursday. I guess my emotions are a little raw, but I thought I was handling it well. That was until yesterday - my husband did not get me a Mother's Day gift. It's not like he forgot it was Mother's Day - he got one for his own mother. I dealing with the m/c as good as anyone can, but this has basically destroyed me. I can't shake the feeling that DH is mad at me for losing the pregnancy.

BlakeG · May 2010

I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that you were not acknowledged on mother's day. I would definitely talk to DH about what you are feeling. Maybe he thought it would be too much of a reminder of the loss and that's why he didn't get you something. I'm hoping it's just a case of men not understanding what we are going through.

Sunflower730 · May 2010

I'm sorry for your loss.

Your DH is not angry atyou, I know it's easy to blame ourselves for something we can not control.

My Sister got my mom a card, my dad got my mom a card.. but when I was over they didn't even reconize me as a mom. I spent 31 hours in labor and I held my son and daughter in my arms as I said goodbye with my mom in the room.. yet because they are not here it's easier to not acknowledge the pain.

Your Dh might have not gotten you the card cause it would have caused more pain. My DH got me a card and flowers and I bawled cause it hurt I would not have the same "Mothers day" as other mothers.

poolgirl7901 · May 2010

Thank you - I am so sorry for your loss as well. I think what hurt me most is what you said - that he did not acknowledge me as a mom. We're incredibly fortunate to have our DS - who I think I do everything for, but I guess DH is an above average contributor (even though he recently told me that he didn't know how much a case of diapers was). I just saw the dichotomy right it front of me... his mom got a gift, I got nothing.

Jessicaanne_1@yahoo.com · May 2010

Sunflower730:
I'm sorry for your loss.

Your DH is not angry atyou, I know it's easy to blame ourselves for something we can not control.

My Sister got my mom a card, my dad got my mom a card.. but when I was over they didn't even reconize me as a mom. I spent 31 hours in labor and I held my son and daughter in my arms as I said goodbye with my mom in the room.. yet because they are not here it's easier to not acknowledge the pain.

Your Dh might have not gotten you the card cause it would have caused more pain. My DH got me a card and flowers and I bawled cause it hurt I would not have the same "Mothers day" as other mothers.

This my DH told me he doesn't know if he should mention it or not. If its okay to talk about it. Or if its going to put me in tears.

Hot Pants Donaldson · May 2010

You are not alone - in fact, I can relate to you 100%. I was in your position last year, exact same timing. We miscarried the week before Mothers day, I was in the hospital on the Thursday before, having a D&C.

I felt the same things that you are... sometimes I still do. Please talk to your DH...keeping everything inside will only hurt you more.

Here to talk

~Dianna

jerriesgirl · May 2010

I agree with pp, he probably didnt know how to acknoweldge you. My DH didn't acknowledge me either, so I understand where you are coming from. Happy Mother's Day to you!

Amanda02a · May 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with pp, talk to DH about it. He may not have wanted to upset you more.

CashewsMommy · May 2010

BlakeG:
I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that you were not acknowledged on mother's day. I would definitely talk to DH about what you are feeling. Maybe he thought it would be too much of a reminder of the loss and that's why he didn't get you something. I'm hoping it's just a case of men not understanding what we are going through.

This. I am sure that he isn't mad at you. Sometimes men just don't understand.

sabrina&andy · May 2010

I am so sorry for you loss. I'd talk to your DH, he probably thought he'd hurt your feelings if he got you something so he probably thought he was playing is safe by not getting you anything.

bbhalphen · May 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. My DH didn't acknowledge it either. Big hugs!

bleja · May 2010

Once you become pregnant, you are a mom forever. Nothing and no one can change that!

No one recognized me yesterday either. I couldn't even say anything to my husband because I know he's not mad at me and I don't want to make him feel bad. So, I'm telling myself it's just because he didn't want to cause me more grief.

I am going to recognize myself. I plan to get a small memorial tattoo- maybe some angel wings and a halo. Or a chrysanthemum- which would have been the babies birth month. My husband also wants to get one and suggested we match.

poolgirl7901 · May 2010

I talked to DH and he admitted that he wasn't up to celebrating. I just wish he had mentioned that before we spent the whole day at a family celebration for Mother's Day. Keeping my brave face on (we didn't share the m/c news) really took it out of me.

When I got home from work tonight, he and DS had made me a Happy Mother's Day sign and DH committed to a "do over" of Mother's Day. He apologized.

I want to say I'm over it. I'm heartbroken over the m/c and missing Mother's Day just compounded it. That said, knowing I'm not alone really helps!

Thank you SO much ladies!

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