NIFR: Yes, I am irrational and Selfish!

First, I apologize if I am out of line posting this crap.  I am a very caring person and do my best to be supportive of all the ladies here.  I do that for selfish reasons.  1) It makes me feel good to support someone.  2) I get a nice safe place to vent all my BS and get support in return. 

The good news is that I have warned in my title that this is basically a selfish rant.  So there is a bit of background here.  DH has older children from a previous marriage (youngest is 22).  I am close to them all including the one at whom I am pissed.  I am so close to her that she asked me to replace her mother as the mother of the bride at her wedding.

As crappy as it sounds, I had a long talk with her when she announced the engagement, a week before the wedding, and the day of the wedding.  We all knew she was "settling" for security.  I reminded her that anyone willing to give freedom for security deserves neither, but she got married.  We supported her decision and have never again spoke of our thoughts.

Well, she is still "in love" with her first love.  I could vomit because it is such childish BS and not "love."  She wants/thinks she loves him but gives silly reasons why she does.  That doesn't really matter.  The first love has a drug problem and she contacted his mother.  They have been chatting and the mother invited our girl to come visit the druggie.  Whatever.  After finally talking her off that cliff and pointing out all of the reasonable reasons she should travel that path, she still decided she isn't happily married.  Big surprise!

So, she and her DH are getting a divorce.  She will be coming to live with us.  UGH.  This means that I will have to give up my sewing room.  I knew I would have to if/when we get pregnant, but not so soon or for an adult.  Since she works as a waitress, she needs the help and I know we should be happy to do it.  Did I mention she is 25 and failed the driver test 3 times? Although her DH bought her a car, I will have to cart her back and forth to work.

Now here is the part where I am selfish.  Mother's day is a bit hard for me as I am sure it is hard for many of the women here.  Every year, we go to the Greek Festival to kind of distract my mind.  His kids alway send a card which is very sweet of them.  This year, we invited the kids to go.  For weeks, I have been reminding and asking if they are still coming.  Last week, she told me that she might be a bit late.  Why?  She is going to a pagent for a 1 year old.  WHAT?!  Are you kiddng me?  You are dumping me for a 1 year old who won't even remember/care you were there.  WHATEVER!

So, she calls to say her plan is to stay at her house until Saturday.  She and her DH will go to the pagent, then she wants us to come move her stuff.  I say what about the festival?  Are you coming to the festival?  No, she doesn't feel up to it.  She wants us to cut the festival short and come move her ***.  WTFE!  I finally said it to her.  I asked her if she knew it was mother's day and it was important to me.  Yes, she knows.  Not up for it, but up for the pagent.  Well, my DH called and said nope.  He said he will come and move some stuff before we go to the festival on Sunday (we go both days).

Thank goodness the youngest (22) is coming. He's coming both days.

I realize this is very trivial.  Please understand that something always happens to "my day."  I am 37 and have never, in my life, had a birthday party.  My husband tried to make a surprise party, and we got a hurricane and had to cancel.  This girl's birthday is close and I had to share it last year.  She and her DH got into a huge fuss and ruined the whole day.  I am so pissed at her.

So, I have been the best "mother" to her I can be, have given up my sewing room, personal closet, space, more money to sustain her in our home, and the friend who has a 1 year old is more important.  Do I get to be pissed?

Nothing can fix it, so I have to just get over it.  Even if she comes now, it won't be enough.  She ditched me.  She'd only be coming now because she "has" to come.  I guess that makes us even since right now I don't want her to come live with us.

Oopps I forgot to mention that her sweet DH split thier savings (despite her waitress salary) and instead of saving it for an apartment, she spent it on an expensive haircut, tattoo, and guitar.

Thank you for listening.  I can't really air this dirty laundry to my husband and family.