spanking 6 month old?

DEBBIE33CASEY · May 2010

I am trying to stay non-biased. While I don't plan to spank my children, I do my best not to judge other people's parenting decisions. But I questioned this for sure.

My friend told me proudly, "LO got her first spanking the other day". I gave her a confused look b/c her baby is only 6 months old. She told me it was b/c her DD was "biting" while BFing. I say "biting" with quotations b/c her DD has no teeth yet, so it's more of a clamping down.

While I have no experience with such a dilema as an EPer, I question whether her DD will know why she is getting spanked at this age. Am I BSC for thinking 6 months is too young for a child to learn from corporal punishment?

SusieQ1982 · May 2010

Um wow. I'm thinking child abuse here.

How can you be PROUD of hurting your child???

deeanneharris · May 2010

Any way she was joking like "ha, ha she got a "spanking" "?

TarheelsInNJ · May 2010

This just hurts my heart a little. NO, I don't think a 6-month-old baby knows the difference between right and wrong. I don't plan to spank my kids, but even if I did - 6 months is waaaaaaaay too young. I mean, my LO is 6.5 months and he's really just learning about cause and effect.

Symharmony · May 2010

No, but your friend is BSC to be hitting her 6 month old. That is so sad on so many levels. Her baby is too young to understand why she is getting hit in the first place. I think corporal punishment is wrong, and I would never hit my kids. Your friend needs to get a good book on child development, and understand what her baby is doing is completely normal behavior.

Lucky428 · May 2010

OMFG. This is beyond horrible. A 6 month old cannot possibly understand why she is being spanked, a 6 month old SHOULD NOT BE SPANKED for any reason.... the baby was just biting down. Yes, ouch, but seriously she needs to get over it! The baby is likely teething! Spanking? Ugh, I'm sick to my stomach.

I'm against all corporal punishment at any age, but I can understand why parents choose to do it if they do it the right/appropriate way. Spanking a 6 month old is seriously inappropriate, and that's putting it lightly.

I don't think I could be friends with someone who thought it was okay to spank an infant. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but she is the BSC one, not you.

Right now, they are still bonding and forming trust. This baby is probably wondering why her caretaker is hurting her when she should only be receiving love.

blessed_wife · May 2010

That is too far. While I realize that some people believe in spanking, 6 months is way too early and is cruel in my opinion

Lucky428 · May 2010

SusieQ1982:
Um wow. I'm thinking child abuse here.
How can you be PROUD of hurting your child???

I'm thinking the same thing.

iowagirl73 · May 2010

First of all she said spanking but did she really spank? To me, spanking is a full on hard whack (for lack of a better word). A little pat is something completely different. And yes, I'm sure there will be flames from here to Kingdom Come for those first sentences. Let me just state this right now that I am not advocating spanking. Either way, 6mos old is too young for that and she shouldn't be proud of spanking her INFANT. Her child has no idea why she would have been hit, and is doing something completely normal.

Did your friend not realize that at some point babies are going to clamp down on the nipple??? Maybe you need to highlight that point in some books so she knows it is normal behavior and not cause for any level of punishment. She always as the choice of not BF if she doesn't want to deal with it. Maybe you need to open up a frank discussion of this tomorrow with her starting with "I'm a little confused and concerned as to why you spanked your infant for doing something completely normal."

DEBBIE33CASEY · May 2010

SusieQ1982:

Um wow. I'm thinking child abuse here.

How can you be PROUD of hurting your child???

I don't think I'd qualify it as "child abuse" but we all have our different definitions of what it is. And I obviously didn't ask how HARD she spanked her. For all I know it could have been tapping/swatting on her DD's butt. I doubt it was a full out bent over the knee spanking.

And I think the proud thing came from that she is so excited to be a Mom that she was ready to get into all aspects of parenting, including discipline. At least that's the impression that I was getting. But I tend to give ppl the benefit of the doubt.

I really didn't know what to say or how to respond to her, so i quickly changed the subject so I could soak it in.

SeaMama · May 2010

My 6 mo old just started doing this too - SM told me it's probably b/c he's starting to teethe and it feels good to chomp down. I cannot IMAGINE spanking him for it. Indifferent

He does NOT know he's hurting me, therefore WTF?! Sorry, I find this really, really disturbing.

mattandbekah · May 2010

wow no. i mean, when he bites me i saw no and take him off breifly, not that i think he gets it yet but for consistency sake.

she actually meant hand to bottom spanking? thats WAY to young no matter which side of the debate you fall on!

ZAngel · May 2010

The biting is a natural response. You can't discipline a child who doesn't yet realize the difference between right and wrong. Spanking a child at this age would do absolutely nothing but cause pain (if done hard enough). A light tap would be nothing more than play time. If she "hit" hard enough to gain a negative reaction from the baby... then it is only because she hurt the baby. I usually keep my comments to myself when I don't agree with other parenting choices, but this one I would have to say something.

Lucky428 · May 2010

DEBBIE33CASEY:
SusieQ1982:

Um wow. I'm thinking child abuse here.

How can you be PROUD of hurting your child???

I don't think I'd qualify it as "child abuse" but we all have our different definitions of what it is. And I obviously didn't ask how HARD she spanked her. For all I know it could have been tapping/swatting on her DD's butt. I doubt it was a full out bent over the knee spanking.

And I think the proud thing came from that she is so excited to be a Mom that she was ready to get into all aspects of parenting, including discipline. At least that's the impression that I was getting. But I tend to give ppl the benefit of the doubt.

I really didn't know what to say or how to respond to her, so i quickly changed the subject so I could soak it in.

It doesn't matter how hard she hit her. She put her hands on her LO in a harmful fashion. She was stupid enough to think spanking was a good form of "discipline" for her INFANT. And pride in doing new things? Where is there pride in spanking a child? Even people who choose to appropriately spank their LOs don't feel pride (I'm assuming at least.) My guess is they despise the situation. I do not look forward in having to discipline my child. I can't imagine beaming with pride in dealing with tough situations, having to say "no," put in time out, etc. etc.

I feel like you're trying to make excuses for her because she's your friend and you care about her. I hope you can advise her that the baby's behavior is entirely normal and that spanking an infant is beyond wrong.

franciscaz · May 2010

I feel sick. That is not discipline it is child abuse. A 6 mos old CAN IN NO WAY understand discipline. I would consider calling CPS if you think she was serious and she did it hard.

DEBBIE33CASEY · May 2010

Lucky428:
DEBBIE33CASEY:
SusieQ1982:

Um wow. I'm thinking child abuse here.

How can you be PROUD of hurting your child???

I don't think I'd qualify it as "child abuse" but we all have our different definitions of what it is. And I obviously didn't ask how HARD she spanked her. For all I know it could have been tapping/swatting on her DD's butt. I doubt it was a full out bent over the knee spanking.

And I think the proud thing came from that she is so excited to be a Mom that she was ready to get into all aspects of parenting, including discipline. At least that's the impression that I was getting. But I tend to give ppl the benefit of the doubt.

I really didn't know what to say or how to respond to her, so i quickly changed the subject so I could soak it in.

It doesn't matter how hard she hit her. She put her hands on her LO in a harmful fashion. She was stupid enough to think spanking was a good form of "discipline" for her INFANT. And pride in doing new things? Where is there pride in spanking a child? Even people who choose to appropriately spank their LOs don't feel pride (I'm assuming at least.) My guess is they despise the situation. I do not look forward in having to discipline my child. I can't imagine beaming with pride in dealing with tough situations, having to say "no," put in time out, etc. etc.

I feel like you're trying to make excuses for her because she's your friend and you care about her. I hope you can advise her that the baby's behavior is entirely normal and that spanking an infant is beyond wrong.

I don't agree with her decision to spank her kid, but I will always stick up for my friends I feel like calling it "child abuse" is wording it a little strongly, especially since I wasn't there to see anything and am drawing my own conclusions based on imagination and our short conversation about it. I wouldn't/haven't/don't plan to use corporal punishment on any of my LOs now or in the future. But if i felt like her child was being abused I would certainly take some action. Right now I just feel she used poor judgement and if she brings it up again I will say something to her. But she is such a gentle person, it actually surprised me in the first place that she told me this.

It actually happened over a week ago and I keep thinking about it, which is why I wanted to post about it. It just sits funny on my insides.

*Caress* · May 2010

That's definitely too young to spank!

DEBBIE33CASEY · May 2010

*francisca*:
I feel sick. That is not discipline it is child abuse. A 6 mos old CAN IN NO WAY understand discipline. I would consider calling CPS if you think she was serious and she did it hard.

I do not believe she did it hard. I also don't believe she did it out of anger or anything either. If she did I would have picked up my phone and dialed CPS in her living room infront of her.

franciscaz · May 2010

The reason why I got alarmed by your post is you said that she was proud of herself. I have a special needs tot and for that reason alone I can't consider spanking but I don't know a single mother who takes pride or has any pleasure in resorting to spanking. It is normally a last ditch option for discipline and is done for extreme cases such as safety risks. It does worry me that already she feels that this is a "good" thing for little offenses at an age where no child could comprehend discipline. All a 6 mos old can comprehend is love and fear.

I really hope you do talk with her. Maybe even pass along a good book about proper discipline b/c when her baby becomes a toddler and really starts misbehaving this could quickly snowball if spanking comes so easily to her now.

Lucky428 · May 2010

DEBBIE33CASEY:
Lucky428:
DEBBIE33CASEY:
SusieQ1982:

Um wow. I'm thinking child abuse here.

How can you be PROUD of hurting your child???

I don't think I'd qualify it as "child abuse" but we all have our different definitions of what it is. And I obviously didn't ask how HARD she spanked her. For all I know it could have been tapping/swatting on her DD's butt. I doubt it was a full out bent over the knee spanking.

And I think the proud thing came from that she is so excited to be a Mom that she was ready to get into all aspects of parenting, including discipline. At least that's the impression that I was getting. But I tend to give ppl the benefit of the doubt.

I really didn't know what to say or how to respond to her, so i quickly changed the subject so I could soak it in.

It doesn't matter how hard she hit her. She put her hands on her LO in a harmful fashion. She was stupid enough to think spanking was a good form of "discipline" for her INFANT. And pride in doing new things? Where is there pride in spanking a child? Even people who choose to appropriately spank their LOs don't feel pride (I'm assuming at least.) My guess is they despise the situation. I do not look forward in having to discipline my child. I can't imagine beaming with pride in dealing with tough situations, having to say "no," put in time out, etc. etc.

I feel like you're trying to make excuses for her because she's your friend and you care about her. I hope you can advise her that the baby's behavior is entirely normal and that spanking an infant is beyond wrong.

I don't agree with her decision to spank her kid, but I will always stick up for my friends

Sticking up for your friends is honorable and what makes someone a great friend. But in THIS situation, I would stick up for the helpless child who cannot speak for themselves.

DEBBIE33CASEY · May 2010

*francisca*:

The reason why I got alarmed by your post is you said that she was proud of herself. I have a special needs tot and for that reason alone I can't consider spanking but I don't know a single mother who takes pride or has any pleasure in resorting to spanking. It is normally a last ditch option for discipline and is done for extreme cases such as safety risks. It does worry me that already she feels that this is a "good" thing for little offenses at an age where no child could comprehend discipline. All a 6 mos old can comprehend is love and fear.

I really hope you do talk with her. Maybe even pass along a good book about proper discipline b/c when her baby becomes a toddler and really starts misbehaving this could quickly snowball if spanking comes so easily to her now.

I honestly did feel like she said it with some degree of pride. It's possible I misunderstood it for something else. But we weren't talking about discipline or anything and she just brought it up out of the blue as a mothering experience to share with me. And the way in which she brought it up, or at least her tone made me question her judgement. And the ease of which she talked about it made me uncomfortable, but I wasn't sure if it was just because it's not a parenting tactic I will use. And it didnt seem like a last resort measure b/c she didn't tell me anything else she did previous to the spanking to curb the behavior. But that doesn't mean she didn't try anything else, just that she didn't mention it.

Any suggestions for what I could say to her w/o sounding preachy or judgemental?

ETA: I just saw your response on my other thread- thx

franciscaz · May 2010

I've got an idea up there. I did it for a friend who was doing a really craptacular job of CIO on a 2 mos old. I gave her my Ferber book and she came to me and she actually read it and was like "did you know my kid was too young to do CIO?" It ended up a good thing. Hope it helps you in your situation. It is sucky to be in the middle.

CalinsBride · May 2010

Totally unacceptable parenting behaviour.

DS was biting at that age, because he was teething like crazy and it relieved his gums. I would never even have THOUGHT about spanking him. He doesn't know that it hurts.

I would just unlatch him and put him down for a minute or two. He figured out real quick that spanking = no more milk, and he doesn't do it anymore.

I hope you can pass that suggestion along to your friend. Spanking an infant is NOT OKAY.

Aliliv · May 2010

EEK! There is absolutely NO WAY that a BABY would ever be able to understand why he/she is being spanked! I would have said something along the lines of, "babies don't have the cognitive ability to grasp concepts such as spanking. Spanking your baby didn't do anything in the way of discipline." Actually, and 18month old can't grasp that concept either. I'm actually disgusted right now.

gettin' hitched · May 2010

It makes me sad to think of a child of any age seeking comfort from a breast and receiving a message of fear/pain/negativity. This post makes me Crying

.

StrawberryBlondeMomma · May 2010

Lucky428:
OMFG. This is beyond horrible. A 6 month old cannot possibly understand why she is being spanked, a 6 month old SHOULD NOT BE SPANKED for any reason.... the baby was just biting down. Yes, ouch, but seriously she needs to get over it! The baby is likely teething! Spanking? Ugh, I'm sick to my stomach.
I'm against all corporal punishment at any age, but I can understand why parents choose to do it if they do it the right/appropriate way. Spanking a 6 month old is seriously inappropriate, and that's putting it lightly.
I don't think I could be friends with someone who thought it was okay to spank an infant. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but she is the BSC one, not you.
Right now, they are still bonding and forming trust. This baby is probably wondering why her caretaker is hurting her when she should only be receiving love.

this. your friend is an awful mother for being proud of that too. wth honestly!

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