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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I got my month taken away - and now I'm stressing the names
Ugh. I am still trying to build up my courage to deal with my pg coworker (who has recently announced her pg and due date just days away from mine). I don?t know why it never occurred to me until today when I overheard her mulling over baby names that she could totally choose one of ?my? names ? and that while that is completely within her right, it would just be one more twist of the knife in my heart. Every time I think of how she?s getting to go thru the steps that I *should* be experiencing I feel my heart drop. I?m torn between wanting to hear the details of her pg and wanting to just run away from it all. This sucks. And I hate that I have this tendency of projecting and imagining horrible moments way in the future- as if I don't have enough moments right here in the present-- but I can't help it.
Anyone have any tips about how to congratulate a coworker (who you see all the time)? I have been avoiding this but feel I need to say something really soon b/c even though she didn?t really announce it, the news is starting to get out and people who are not nearly as close to her as I am are openly congratulating her and talking about it- totally w/in earshot, of course- so it?s starting to feel like I?m being rude for *not* initiating it, even though she hasn?t actually told me yet. Advice on how to make sincere congratulations quickly and escape b/f I lose it? TIA!
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Re: I got my month taken away - and now I'm stressing the names
I don't know how to handle it. I also have a pregnant coworker - two along this same hall. I'm trying really hard to ignore all the happy talk and planning I hear - but it's difficult.
I know my one friend and coworker has been trying for years for this baby - and soon there will be a shower for her, and I'll have to find the same courage to congratulate her, and wish her the best. I don't really know what the answer is.
I hope your coworker understands if you need to keep your distance. Maybe just leave a card for her on her desk or something...
BFP #2 EDD September 30, 2012 ~ natural m/c 5w4d
broken hearted, changed forever
Does she know about your loss? When I told my supervisor that I was pg she congratulated me and then told me about her loss a few months prior. I'm glad I knew because when she got overwhelmed with everyone coming over to congratulate me I didn't take it personally.
I forgot to mention that nobody at work (not even boss) knows about pg or loss. For some reason I"m feeling really protective about the info- like once I put it out there to even one person, others are likely to find out (it's human nature to want to share a secret- I understand). I also feel it's a bit selfish of me to seem to begrudge her the happy celebrations just b/c I'm having a hard time w/ it. Is it selfish? Oh, and in the moments I am actually considering telling her about my pg and loss, as a means of explaining my need for distance, I am reminded that she is bff w/ my immediate supervisor and for some reason I really don't want her to know - she's just really not the sensitive, understanding type-- so by confiding in this woman, I risk my supervisor knowing...once it's out, it's out and I can't take it back.
that's a tough one. I haven't told anyone at work about my loss b/c I don't want them to know we were/are TTC. It's none of their business, IMO. But, in this case, I think I would approach your coworker before she goes public. Ask her if she is PG, congratulate her and nicely mention that, just between you two, you were due around the same time but lost the PG, are still healing, etc, but wish her the best. Hopefully she'll take the hint and be sensitive about it around you.