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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Need some advice on dealing with MIL
MIL is driving my SIL and me crazy! Apparently, she seems to think that it is completely okay to just pick up her grandchildren whenever she wants (without even asking the parents of said children if it is alright).She constantly calls my DD "her baby".
When DD was only 2 weeks old, she told me that if I didn't want her, that she would take her and raise her as her own!
Neither one of us wants to start family drama (if we say something, it will...that is just how she is). But, we can't let this behavior of hers go on any longer. She is stepping over her boundaries, and we've both had enough.
Have any of you ladies been through this? What did you do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Need some advice on dealing with MIL
Yes, my MIL has serious boundary issues also. Have you talked with your DH about it? What does he think?
I wouldn't mention the "her baby" and what she said to you when she was 2 weeks old, only because those are annoying but not a big deal. What I would be totally pissed about is the trying to pick up the grandchildren whenever she wants without asking the parents. What do you say when she does this? I would just tell her that you are enjoying some alone time with your DD and next time she should call and ask first so she doesn't waste her time coming over.
Can you have DH have a talk with her? He could nicely tell her that you would both appreciate it if she would call a couple days in advance if she would like to have some time with her grandchildren so that you can arrange your schedules. I think that saying it this way won't seem so bad since you aren't telling her that she can't see them just that you want some advanced notice.
Oh and I don't know what to say about the "her baby" thing - MIL calls DS my baby all the time and it drives me nuts!
If there is one thing I have a lot of experience with, it's a boundary-less MIL! Regardless of the drama it may start, you have to say something. Better yet, DH needs to say something. If he's on the same page as you, he should do it. If not, you'll have to suck it up and do it.
I would address all issues you mentioned. The comment made at 2 weeks old was totally rude and uncalled for. I would have slapped my MIL upside the head for that. I would also, nicely, tell her you don't want her to call your baby "my baby." We've had this issue with MIL and grandma IL. I hate hate hate it. They are free to call them "my grandbaby" but they did not carry them, they did not push them out, they do not nurse them, they do not stay home with them all day, and they do not provide for them. It's not her baby. DH tells them that.
If she shows up to pick her up, don't answer the door. If you don't address these things now, it's only going to get worse.
It's going to start some drama. But it's either drama, or your MIL is going to continue and it will get worse and your child gets older.
Address it now! I had a boundaryless MIL too. She would call and say "I'm just going to come pick up Zaiden, okay?" We told her several times about me BF and him not going anywhere alone. Every weekend we had to repeat this. Every weekend it was the same thing. Sometimes she would just show up and exclaim "I have the base in the car and came to pick up Zaiden".
With this and several other things involving FIL also, we decided to have a sit down. All four of us sat down and we set boundaries with them. We told them what we expect of them and what they should expect of us. We have not had a problem since and hope it continues.