- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Problems with the in-laws, WWYD??
my husbands father and step mother won't stop?hassling?me about everything I am doing "wrong". ?The live close by, so they stop by often, which would be fine if they would stop giving?unwarranted?advice. ?(my son is 3 and a half months old) ?Every time they come over they give me a hard time about not feeding DS baby food. ?They started telling me about how they gave DH baby food when he was 2 weeks old and that is how it needs to be done. ?This topic came up when he was 4 days old and has come up every visit since then. ?I explained to them that we are going to follow our doctors?recommendations?and it is now a "closed topic". ?They wont back down! ?Then they talked about how he needs to have sweet potatoes and gravy at thanksgiving and I am being?crewel?not to let him. ?Now it is just making me resent their visits because they obviously don't respect my wishes. ?They have told me flat out that when they get to watch him they are going to feed him what ever they feel like and just not tell me about it, and then they get furious that I don't let them babysit. WTH??
?I have talked to DH about it and he doesn't understand why it affects me so much. ?He says that they can say what they want but they don't really have anything to do with the way we do things. ?I wish he would just tell them to back off and not bring it up again, but he doesn't want to cause problems with his dad. ?
?What should I do? ?They come over once a week and it just turns into a bashing session about what a poor mother I am. ?"Don't let him sleep on his back, he is going to get a flat head" ?"Don't wash his bottles that way" ?"Why wont you let us take him on the motorcycle?" ?"if you let him stand he is going to be bow legged" ?"you shouldn't let him sleep through the night or he is going to get too hungry" ?Grrrrr... they make me mad.?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Problems with the in-laws, WWYD??
Sounds like being nice isn't working for you. And your DH is being a wuss about it. I would tell my DH that he needs to lay it out for them: shut up, or your baby time will be limited. period. If he doesn't have the balls to do it, then you will.
My MIL is one of the bitchiest, pushiest people ever. I am generally a pushover. But when it comes to my relationship with my DH and my baby, she can stay the fuckk out. I told her off when I was pregnant and she's actually better now. I know she still says all kinds of things behind my back, but she doesn't mess with me or criticize our choices because she knows I am the keeper of the grandbaby. If she wants to see said grandbaby, she won't piss off the mom.
If it were me, and DH wasn't stepping up with them, I would tell them they had their chance to raise their kids the way they want, now it's your turn to raise yours and if they have a problem with the way you raise your baby, maybe they need to limit their visits until they can accept it.
I already had to step in with my MIL because DH was too afraid to stand up to his own mom. She was undermining everything we were doing too (she even made the coment that naming our DS Dominic was as bad as naming a boy Susie).
That is a HUGE DH problem. You need to tell him to call off his parents and do it today. He is YOUR partner and YOUR needs come before his parents. If he can't handle putting you before them in the hierarchy of life, then it's c u later DH. Seriously.
Tell your DH to tell his parents to back off as it's causing you stress. If he doesn't do it, then you have much, much bigger problems than a loud mouth know it all MIL or FIL.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
You poor thing, I would feel the same way & I agree that you should not have them babysit if they are threatening to go against you and your husbands wishes.
If nothing is going to change then all you can do is to deal with it (which i know can be torment) But maybe your husband does not understand the gravity of the issue. I know sometimes i will comment on things like this and my husband understands that i'm upset but does not realize that it is tearing me apart, and making me crazy, untill i've had enough and i end up taking it out on him. then he undestands because nothing is held back. Maybe you should show him what you have written, and ask that he say something, even if it is in the nicest way possible, to his parents. Let him know that saying something now, could save him from bigger issues in the future.
Remember that with family issuse like these it is easy for him to dismiss his family's actions, as it is for you to dismiss your family's actions. We are all pretty tolerant of our own familys and do not wish to stir the pot too much. which can leave the significant other feeling unheard.