Inlaw relations: why is it so hard to fake it?

BoxTer · October 2008

I wrote on here about a rude comment my MIL made to DH about me the other day. Thankfully, he stuck up for me and I know he always has my back. I find my ILs really irritating and I'm not exactly sure why - I think it's because they come across as overbearing and way less laid back than my parents, who are very easy to deal with. I'm probably biased b/c they are my parents and I'm used to their style, but I think anyone who would meet them would agree. I've always felt silly for feeling this way because I never thought they harbored any ill feelings toward me. When I tried to explain what I don't like about them, I never felt like I had a good reason to feel the way I do. They are very generous with us and up until this weekend, I never heard any type of rude comments made about me. They just get on my nerves, but they are nice people and I know other people have it way worse than I do. And I'm fortunate they don't live in town. Well, when I'm around them, I find it so hard to fake being nice. I mean, I'm civil and polite, but I can feel myself being kind of cool, not the way I usually am (I consider myself a pretty friendly person). DH is very close with them and I know that I need to be nice or it would really hurt him, but I feel like it's nearly impossible. And I know I have to. I have to figure out some way to tolerate them and be friendly and put these feelings out of my head, but I don't know how. Does this make any sense? does anyone have any suggestions?

wvagirl · October 2008

i have no idea what will help. only wanted to say it's a super common problem. i know i'm not myself around my IL's, and I know all they want is the best for us, and heck, they are around more than my own parents, but I just can't seem to feel relaxed and at ease around them. for some reason my fur always stands up when they're visiting. I'm hoping time will help.

LisaMarisa · October 2008

I have actually found the more time I spend with them the better they are. In the beginning I thought they were fine, then they were kind of getting to me and then we started going over weekly for breakfast and the more I talked to them the better I liked them. We dont do that anymore and I feel like I am reverting back to how I felt before.

brideinOC · October 2008

AMEN!!!!! I had a rocky start to my relationship with my ILS because they had a very strong relationship (and still do) with DH's ex-wife (grandchildren involved). Things have improved, they've accepted me, but I still harbor ill feelings towards them even though "we've all moved on." They still talk to ex several times a week when they can call us with the kids, we have 50/50 custody. They were even supposed to vacation with the ex last month. MIL and DH have talked that MIL would like for me to call her more often. Why? She and ex talk (often), MIL and DH talk several times a week. Everytime I talk to her, MIL says either ex told her that or DH told her that. There's not a whole lot left to talk to her about when everyone else has already talked to her. I'm equally polite and friendly when we visit and I hate to admit, that sometimes I find myself enjoying the wknd, but I'm glad that they live about 6 hrs away. I wonder how it's going to change when the baby comes.

gymrat · October 2008

I absolutely hate that I can't be myself around my inlaws and they watch our kids 4 days a week. It's so freaking hard to put on a smile at 6:50 am. And, there's nothing fundamentally wrong with them. They are just completely different from me and I can't let loose around them. I have no idea how my DH turned out the way he did because he's so not like his parents and I resent the fact that he can pretty much be himself (curse words and all) in front of my family.