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If you had the option to do it all again, would you? (inspired by a "back to the future" m

damabo80damabo80 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Last night was pretty rough for me. Spent some quality time crying into DH's shirt -again-

I told him that I was tired of all the emotional pain and drama. I wanted to be happy again without a cloud constantly hovering over me. However, it got me thinking...if I had the option to go back into time and not have the IUI which resulted in Luke, would I? Knowing that if I did, I would currently be naive and happy, where the worst part about my day was the traffic I encountered on the drive home.

After thinking about it, the answer I came up with totally surprised me. I would do it again. I would go through with the IUI and get PG, even knowing that it would not be a happy ending.

Now, granted, I was able to obatin important medical information which will help me for the next PG. But, even if I wasn't it, I think that I still would get PG.

I hope I don't offend anyone by asking this, but I'm wondering if my answer is unusual. More of just a general musing (inspired by a Back to the Future marathon).

So, I'll throw it out there to you lovelies, if you care to answer: If you could go back to the day you conceived, would you still go through with it, even knowing that it wouldn't end well (any medical information obtained not withstanding)?


BFP #1 via IUI ~ L (Fatal Birth Defect) 4/7/10
BFP #2 via IUI ~ m/c
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
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Re: If you had the option to do it all again, would you? (inspired by a "back to the future" m

  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    In a heartbeat! I love Aidan more than I thought was possible and he has changed my life and made us parents. He made me a better person and I now have more of a purpose in life.
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  • leneae10leneae10 member
    That's a really interesting question, and I think that surprisingly, I would too. Because of my faith, I know that they are my eternal children and I WILL see them again. I have assurance in that.  I still feel like a mother and did everything I could to protect them from day one, and even though it ended in an earthly loss, I feel a sense of accomplishment.  I got to know them, even if the details were trivial.  Noah had my lips and Jonah had long skinny fingers.  Noah was a fighter and kicked for almost a full minute before he passed.  They were and ARE my boys and I would not know that love if I hadn't carried and delivered them. 
    image
    Twin boys born too early at 17w4d and 18w2d in February 2010
    Transabdominal cerclage placed September 2010
    DS born at 35w1d in February 2011
    Twin girls born at exactly 36w in February 2013
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  • elizabeth&jameselizabeth&james
    Good question. I think I feel that this experience is a part of our journey in life and that we were meant to go through this - so if this is a step we have to take before we can (hopefully!) go on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby then I have to be OK with that. I know that I feel like a more compassionate person because of this. I don't think I'll ever understand why this is what was meant for us but I'm so grateful for my awesome husband who has shown me once again how he is my partner 100%.
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  • azpharmgirlazpharmgirl
    it's funny how prespective changes everything.  for all the heartache and sorrow.  all the sadness and tears.  i would do it again too.  my pg days were some of the happiest of my life.  and it made me fall even more in love with dh.  it reminded me of how much my mother loves me and how much my friends care about me.  it reminded me about what is really important in life.  thanks for asking the question because it makes me feel less like a victim.  i choose to get pg knowing that i could m/c.  all i can do is try again and see what the future holds.
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  • jerriesgirljerriesgirl
    Definitely do it again. For the short 18w that I had Jillian, she gave me some of the happiest moments of my life.
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  • betizzle73betizzle73
    Without a doubt. I feel like I bonded with Olivia so much during my pregnancy with her. I grew so much as a person during that time. I wouldn't trade the three days we had with her in the hospital for a trillion dollars. She changed my life and I wouldn't want to live the rest of it without having been her mommy!
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  • Lorange-8Lorange-8 member
    I would in a heartbeat as well.  Before my baby I wasn't as strong as i am now and I give all that credit to my baby girl!!  She gave me a back bone and I know there was a reason we were given these little angels. I wouldn't trade her in a million years!
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  • auburn76chicauburn76chic
    I would too, no question about it! It has brought DH and I closer and I think strengthen us. I think I will be better prepared next time and know that every minute is precious. I also think it has helped up learn who is going to be there for us in our time of need.
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  • nina&mattnina&matt member
    imageauburn76chic:
    I would too, no question about it! It has brought DH and I closer and I think strengthen us. I think I will be better prepared next time and know that every minute is precious. I also think it has helped up learn who is going to be there for us in our time of need.
    This exactly. I would absolutely do it again. Liliana changed my life.
    TTC# 1 Since 10/2005----Diagnosed with PCOS March of 2006
    multiple failed cycles, multiple IUIs, lap with ovarian drilling 4/2008
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    Liliana was born on March 27,2010 at 21w5d due to infection and pre-term labor
    BFP #2 on 6/20/10 after Gonal-F and TI First u/s showed Twins! 
    TTC#2 since 02/2012 with out RE... 
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  • erinb1025erinb1025
    I would absolutely do it again. I had an early loss (with the loss of my left tube), but it has taught me sooo much. I knew very little about pregnancy, conceiving, cycles, etc. before we lost our LO, but now, I'm all about learning everything I can. It has shown me more compassion and understanding of this whole process and I hope that I can help someone else that has to go through this pain.
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  • SassyMamainVASassyMamainVA

    imageerinb1025:
    I would absolutely do it again. I had an early loss (with the loss of my left tube), but it has taught me sooo much. I knew very little about pregnancy, conceiving, cycles, etc. before we lost our LO, but now, I'm all about learning everything I can. It has shown me more compassion and understanding of this whole process and I hope that I can help someone else that has to go through this pain.

    Agreed :)

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  • bgarsonbgarson
    YES!! I wouldn't take my 22 weeks with Victoria back for anything. I feel blessed to have carried her and to be her mom. Thanks for asking this question. It feels good to let other people know how special those weeks were for me.
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  • Amanda02aAmanda02a
    Yes, I would. Even with a loss at 12 weeks, it was the best 12 weeks of my life. This experience brought DH and I closer. And I feel more prepared for our future.
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  • AmyRMAmyRM

    imageelizabeth&james:
    Good question. I think I feel that this experience is a part of our journey in life and that we were meant to go through this - so if this is a step we have to take before we can (hopefully!) go on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby then I have to be OK with that. I know that I feel like a more compassionate person because of this. I don't think I'll ever understand why this is what was meant for us but I'm so grateful for my awesome husband who has shown me once again how he is my partner 100%.

    This. I would do it again in a heartbeat. This experience has brought DH and I closer - more than I've ever felt to anyone. He's so supportive, so thoughtful...even in his grief. I'm sure he would go through it all again too. I was the happiest I've ever been in during those wonderful weeks I was pregnant. Nothing can take that away.

    Not that I'm even a Garth Brooks fan, but I do like his song The Dance - and think it's quite suited to this post.

    Looking back on the memory of
    The dance we shared beneath the stars above
    For a moment all the world was right
    How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
    And now I'm glad I didn't know
    The way it all would end the way it all would go
    Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
    But I'd of had to miss the dance
    Holding you I held everything
    For a moment wasn't I the king
    But if I'd only known how the king would fall
    Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
    And now I'm glad I didn't know
    The way it all would end the way it all would go
    Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
    But I'd of had to miss the dance
    Yes my life is better left to chance
    I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance 

    BFP #1 Valentine's Day BFP! February 14th 2010 Missed M/C 11w5d ~ forever in our hearts.
    BFP #2 EDD September 30, 2012 ~ natural m/c 5w4d
    broken hearted, changed forever
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  • erinb1025erinb1025

    imageelizabeth&james:
    I don't think I'll ever understand why this is what was meant for us but I'm so grateful for my awesome husband who has shown me once again how he is my partner 100%.

    this is exactly how I feel! We found out about our PG the day after getting back from our honeymoon. We lost our LO exactly one week later. My DH has been AMAZING. I feel like we have gone through more in 2 1/2 months than most couples go through in a lifetime, so we are so much closer and connected. I realize everyday how much more I love him, maybe thats the reason this happened?

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  • greenclowngreenclown member
    DH and I have talked about this a lot.  I wouldn't even hesitate to do it all again.  Even though losing Jillian is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me, Jillian is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I wouldn't give her up for anything in the world, despite the pain we've been feeling for the past several months.
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  • daisy142daisy142

    Oh, yes. Without question.

    I just lost my first baby after 12 weeks of pregnancy, but you know - I've been dreaming of him or her for a lifetime. These were the happiest weeks of my life and I would never, never give them up.

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