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Do I need to get step mother something for Mother's Day?

MrserinJMrserinJ member
in 2nd Trimester
I just thought of this today. My mom passed away just over a year ago and my dad remarried, Things have been strained and his new wife is nice but not very inclusive of my sister and I and their new family. She has 2 daughters of her own that are 14 and 19 and my dad and her both made it clear that they had plans on Mother's Day with "the girls" and we aren't invited. He didn't say it in those words, but it was implied. She has never made an effort or inuendo that she wants to be thought of as our step-mother (has never called us or even spent any time 1 on 1 with us), but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on this.... It kills me to be giving her something, instead of my mom, but I really don't want to be rude or rock the boat, so to speak. Dad and her have only been married for a month and its only been just over a year since my mom died.  I just don't know. What do you think?
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Re: Do I need to get step mother something for Mother's Day?

  • MrserinJMrserinJ member
    Sorry about the duplicate post! I was trying to type something else in after I accidentally pressed post. :)
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  • JLJWMMJLJWMM member
    I agree - I would send a card but I don't think you have to or should buy her a gift.
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  • KelzinBostonKelzinBoston

    If I was feeling generous, a generic card would be the way to go.

    But I'd likely do a whole lot of nothing for her.

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  • JayandJackJayandJack member

    I would get a card or something but I wouldn't spend a lot of money on her.

    That way it can't come back to you that you didn't acknowledge her on mothers day from your dad.
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  • flippy1234flippy1234
    I think a card and/or flowers would be nice if you will see her on mothers day... otherwise I wouldn't see the need, its not like she raised you.
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  • KAG30KAG30
    I usually just get mine a card, nothing big though like I get my mother and MIL
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  • dori1678dori1678

    Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't get her anything. If she has not stepped in to the role of a mother to you, then why should you honor her? Let her daughters get her something.

    Spend your time and energy finding a way to honor your mother. 

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  • Lynzk05Lynzk05
    I was at Hallmark yesterday buying Mother's Day cards and I saw one that was for "Dad's Wife". It made me laugh, but It would be perfect in this situation. It said something about how you were glad that your Dad was happy. Hallmark has everything Smile
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  • KeriSandKeriSand
    imagedori1678:

    Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't get her anything. If she has not stepped in to the role of a mother to you, then why should you honor her? Let her daughters get her something.

    Spend your time and energy finding a way to honor your mother. 

     

     

     

    I agree wirth this post!!! I lost my father so I can relate to how you feel about this!!

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  • Spacebunny19Spacebunny19 member

    i'd get her nothing.  not even a card.

    i'm sorry, but the term "mother" does not mean "woman married to my dad."  it means your mom.  if you have a relationship that is mother-daughter with your stepmom, that's great.  esp. if she came into your life when you were younger and helped raise you.  but that's clearly not the case here, and she seems to barely want a relationship with you.

    she is a mother, but not your mother.  let her daughters honor her, you should not.

    (And FWIW, DH's step mom married his dad when he was 20.  They have a child together.  DH's step-sis is the one who should be honoring that woman, not DH.  DH has never done anything for her on Mother's Day, and they have a decent relationship.  She's simply not his mom.) 

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  • crollincrollin
    imageBeanie_mrt:

    I might get a very generic card, if for nothing else than to keep the peace with your dad.

    No gift is necessary though. 

    I agree.  A simple card & let that be it! 

     

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  • jastl32jastl32
    I am not a big fan of my step-mom...but I sent her something. My sister did and I felt bad...otherwise I probably wouldn't have...but I do think it's the right/nice thing to do. It doesn't need to be anything big.
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  • erin.ryanerin.ryan
    I would definitely send a generic card. Not that you have to but I think it would be a really nice gesture and would leave you feeling like you did the right thing.
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  • cittycatcittycat
    not in this situation--she's your dad's wife, not really your stepmom.  We get DH's stepmom a card b/c he's known her since he was 12 and she's very onvolved with us. 
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  • K.a.T.eK.a.T.e member

    I am also a motherless daughter and have a step mom.

    No need for you to give her a gift.  If you'd like you can give her a card (they make generic thinking of you cards) and sign it from your baby.  But I don't think that you need to do anything from you -- you don't have a step mother/daughter relationship with her

    I got my stepmom a "grandma" card and signed it from Baby on the way

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