how do you answer people's questions

Fryday37 · May 2010

so today another person, this time a nurse, asked me if this was my first pg. i stuttered for a while and said well no it's my fourth; i've had miscarriages. she moved on and didnt comment but it got me thinking. lots of people ask me this and i never know how to answer. usually the questions go something like, THEM: is this your first pregnancy? ME: no, it's my fourth. THEM: oh! how many children do you have? ME: none. and then i feel bad. after thinking about it all day i thought maybe i should have said it's not my first pregnancy but i'm hoping its my first child. i dont know...what do you ladies say when people ask? i dont want people to feel sorry for me or make dumb comments but there is no way i would feel comfortable saying this is my first.

ShellShockedMama · May 2010

if it's the medical community, i say no, it's my second. If it's non medical people, I'll say yes this will be my first baby.

I just don't want to explain my loss over and over and over.And people generally get the deer in headlights look about them.

Erin RN · May 2010

ShellShockedMama:

if it's the medical community, i say no, it's my second. If it's non medical people, I'll say yes this will be my first baby.

I just don't want to explain my loss over and over and over.And people generally get the deer in headlights look about them.

Same here.

sevenonesix · May 2010

I get asked this all the time. "Is this your first?"

And I say, "nope"

and they say, "oh how old is your first."

and I say, "actually she's in heaven"

and then USUALLY they just move on which is fine with me. but once last week... the person had the audacity to say, "so this IS your first, then?"

I just stared at her.

lax15bsu · May 2010

If anyone asks, I tell the truth. This is my fourth pregnancy and hopefully my first baby - I've had three miscarriages.

I'm very open about our losses. Having gone through those losses has made me the person I am today. I'm not ashamed of them, I'm not proud of them, I just acknowledge that I've been through some hard times. I don't have to get into detail with most people, usually they leave it at that. But if anyone wants more information, I tell them the whole story.

E&RMommy · May 2010

It honestly depends on my mood and who is asking. If they are complete stranger and asking invasive questions, I usually say it's my fourth pregnancy and I have no kids. It typically shuts them up and I hope it makes them realize that just because I am pregnant doesn't give them the right to inquire about my reproductive life. Far worse for me are the questions about how natural my twins are. ugh.

darkskyy · May 2010

Erin RN:
ShellShockedMama:

if it's the medical community, i say no, it's my second. If it's non medical people, I'll say yes this will be my first baby.

I just don't want to explain my loss over and over and over.And people generally get the deer in headlights look about them.

Same here.

This.

If it's a dr or u/s tech it's worth them knowing about the loss. Since my loss was early, I don't get into details with most other people.

Staribeth · May 2010

lax15bsu:
If anyone asks, I tell the truth. This is my fourth pregnancy and hopefully my first baby - I've had three miscarriages.

I'm very open about our losses. Having gone through those losses has made me the person I am today. I'm not ashamed of them, I'm not proud of them, I just acknowledge that I've been through some hard times. I don't have to get into detail with most people, usually they leave it at that. But if anyone wants more information, I tell them the whole story.

This exactly.

shawn&tony · May 2010

ShellShockedMama:

if it's the medical community, i say no, it's my second. If it's non medical people, I'll say yes this will be my first baby.

I just don't want to explain my loss over and over and over.And people generally get the deer in headlights look about them.

this!

someflower6 · May 2010

natoshacooke:

I get asked this all the time. "Is this your first?"

And I say, "nope"

and they say, "oh how old is your first."

and I say, "actually she's in heaven"

and then USUALLY they just move on which is fine with me. but once last week... the person had the audacity to say, "so this IS your first, then?"

I just stared at her.

um, i'd have to kill them a little.

in general if people ask "is this your first?" i say yes. because at *this* point, it is my first... first time in third tri, first time preparing a nursery for the baby, first of a lot of things. the exception to this was first tri, and no one knew so no one asked! but if anyone asked "is this your first time being pregnant?" or something along those lines, i'd say no, i had a previous m/c.

lisa512 · May 2010

I usually go with what seems right depending on if I'm ever going to see these people again. I work in retail so customers will ask and sometimes I just say it's my first. i will never see them again and they're just asking to make conversation. It's not like they really care. but if it's someone I work with, or people from prenatal exercise class or something, I tell them about the previous pregnancy.

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