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Adoption
bad day
i'm just so frustrated with my life sometimes. i really hate this waiting and waiting and waiting. i spent years trying to have a baby and now i'm waiting to adopt one. the only wedding i went to recently was last year and they are already pg and i got the shower invite today. it had to have been a honeymoom baby or she was already pg at the wedding. it's just always going to sting so bad until i have a baby of my own, then i guess it will sting a bit. who knows? my family didn't tell me they were pg. i know they are trying to be sensitive, but i honestly don't want to find out in an invitation to a shower! i swear i NEVER EVER got one f***cking card in the mail after my whole ordeal and multiple IVFs. all i ever would get is invitations and baby photos and baby xmas cards. these people even know about my struggles. all i wanted was some warning. too much to asK? no. just keep it a secret and then BAM here's the invite.
please no flames. it really just doesn't get any easier when you still have no baby. call me crazy, i really don't care. i'm just sick of waiting for my life to move on.
thanks for listening...
After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: bad day
I am right there with you, and I know exactly how you feel. You want to be happy for your friends and family when they get pregnant, but when you've been trying so hard for so long, all you feel is resentment towards them.
I feel it EVERY time I hear somebody is pregnant, even if I don't know them personally. They are only thinking about their joy, and not about how they way they share, or don't share the news will make you feel. I honestly don't think they do this on purpose, but it doesn't dull the pain.
You're going to have good days and bad days, thus is adoption. On top of that, you may have failed matches, or you may get matched and take home the first baby you're matched with.
In the end, I HAVE to believe that it's worth it in the end, even if we don't know it yet.
Hang in there!
TTC since 2005
missed miscarriage nov 2006- 4 failed clomid cycles-
3 failed femara iui cycles-
moving on to IVF oct 2011
ER nov. 7th
tansfered 2 blasts on 11/10
lots of +hpt!!
beta #1 on 11/21= 50.4
beta #2 on11/23= 90.8
another miscarriage 12/23
moving on to Round 2 of IVF with an auto immune dx
ER 4/23-retrieved 12 eggs
ET 4/28 3 transfered
Beta #1- 356
Beta #2- 870
As we are in limbo with financing our adoption, I totally feel you. I think sometimes people just don't know "what" to say! Sometimes the not saying anything at all is the worst. My BIL got married in October of 2008 and they got preggo on their honeymoon. It was pretty much my undoing...she ended up losing that baby but got pg again like 2 months later. This may totally sound harsh to some people and after all it was my niece and they were so excited! I wanted to be happy for them and really I was....I was just "unhappy" for us. Unlike you, we were notified immediately and part of me thinks that is just as bad. Yes, like you...I would have liked a heads up but when it's sooo easy for some people you just want to scream and kick and cry and hit something! :-)
Good luck getting through! Hopefully you'll be bringing home your LO soon! Just know you aren't the only one feeling this way.
I know there isn't much any of us can say that will make you feel better. We've all been in that spot at one time or another and I'm sorry.
This book is AMAZING for the struggles you're going through right now. It changed my life and I've since recommended it to others and they feel the same way. At the end of each chapter it even gives a way to let family or friends know how hurtful infertility can be and what not to say to you. It really is a wonderful read and the authors story of infertility struggles is encouraging as well. https://www.amazon.com/Hannahs-Hope-Infertility-Miscarriage-Adoption/dp/1576836541 Hope it helps.
I am right there with you. I love the people that say well i was afraid to tell you. Afraid of what that I will go postal over the news. Yes its hard but come on people I am like you I would rather no than get an invite to something or show up some where and bam baby. I get tired of hearing from people who are in the adoption world oh we are so busy well then where is mine. your such a cute couple and so open you will have a baby in no time. well whats no time 18 months does not seem quick to me.
ok dont with my vent too sorry
I understand how hard it is it sucks so bad I can not imagine it getting easier. We just want our turn.
Feel free to vent to me anytime hugs
I can totally relate. The best is when my friends like to tell me about people who are pregnant that I don't even know! Seriously, I have enough people I know that are pregnant that I don't need to expand the list!
Your feelings are totally normal and I think I will still always have a little ting of jealousy each time. As much as I know I just want to be a parent, there is a part of me that very much wants to experience a pregnancy. I wish people were a bit more open-minded at times. Not telling you makes you feel like you did something wrong, as if your feelings are "not normal." I wish more people just had the guts to say something like "I am not sure what to say to you but I know you are hurting."
Lot of hugs to you. You have every right to your own feelings. Know that we are all here for you to vent and cry to.
Things will get better though, i promise.
I soooo get where you are coming from. I feel the same way. DH and I are grieving the loss of ever having biological children. We feel stuck here in between waiting and waiting without any control over the process. Some days it does feel like it isn't going to get any better. I keep telling myself, even on days when I don't want to listen, that it WILL get better and we WILL get there eventually.
Take care.
I second this book as it has helped me through the process.
Hugs to you and heres to hoping things get a little better for you.
I feel for you. I haven't written sooner, because I don't know what to say, but I wanted you to know that I agree it sucks, and I wish you didn't have to suffer from IF, and I wish I could make it better.
I'm so sorry! You are very much entitled to your feelings, you are not crazy, and sometimes....people just don't think.
Hang in there....we support you