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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
NBR: I've kept this quiet for months.
My dad is cheating on my mom. There, I said it. No one knows about this besides DH and my therapist (thanks to my dad whom I am seeing every week). I've had a feeling for months that he was cheating on my mom. One day (while I was out on maternity leave) I went over my parents house and did a little sneaking around on his computer. He had left his e-mail account open. And, there it was. An e-mail to HER. Not only an e-mail but a graphic (sex related) one. To put it nicely I am/was disgusted by reading this e-mail. Okay, I shouldn't have been looking in my dad's computer. But, I shouldn't have found anything either if he was half the man I thought he was.
I have been going back and forth about telling my mom or not telling my mom. I've talked it over with my therapist and decided that it wasn't my place to tell my mom something like that. It has been killing me. My mom knows that there is something going on, she has told me. But, she doesn't have the proof to confront him on it. I know that eventually it is going to come out. In the mean time my stress level has been through the roof! I just can't believe that my dad would do something like this to my mom. I would have NEVER in a million years thought he would cheat on her.
I think it really became apparent to me on the day Mason was born. The first person he had to tell was her. I called him from the recovery room and he was celebrating having a beer with his girlfriend. I just can't look at him the same way anymore. Everyone says how I am my father's daughter. I was proud of that. Not anymore.
Thanks, I had to get it out.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR: I've kept this quiet for months.
I have no idea what I would do...
No, my dad doesn't know that I know.
I've confronted him to the point of telling him that I know something is going on with this other woman and I am not comfortable with him being "friends" with her. He told me I need to mind my own business and denied anything going on. He'll deny until he gets caught.
Sorry I didnt read very far. I think I would confront my dad.
My Dad is also cheating on my Mom. It is a horrible situation to be in and I really feel for you.
In the end, there is no right answer and no happy ending.
My Mom loves him and she knows. She doesn't want to leave him even after finding out that he bought this woman a house and that he put some of their furniture in there (it was supposed to be in storage). My Mom knows that my brother and sister and I know but she won't let us tell our Dad that we know because she doesn't want him to be embarassed. Really? It is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for you but you aren't alone. It is so hard to wake up one day and realize that my parents don't love eachother equally (or at all). I just know that Kane will never feel this way. To me, it is worse than divorce. I would love it if my Dad would leave her and then I would be fine watching him treat someone else like shiiit!
I'm sorry for you and for me. I don't know if you should tell your Mom. Is it possible that she knows and like my Mom doesn't want to leave.
The kicker of my Dad sleeping with this horrible woman is that she is mentally slow and my Mother is so kind and beautiful. It is so crazy and disusting! I pray I never see her again (she was an aquintance of my family) because I'm afraid of what I might do to her and Mama don't want to go to jail!
this is what i'd be worried about
That sucks! Are you going to confront your Dad?
There are also other ways to tell your mom. You could send her info in the mail anonymously .
I personally would have printed out the email and others that I found to use, but that's how I am. I like having the proof to shove in their face.
Big Kid Jan 2010
Littlest Man Sept 2012
My older sister also told my Dad that she knew that something was going on and he said the same thing. "Stay out of my private life, it is none of your business" Nice huh?
That was another hard thing... no matter what we think isn't going to change his behavior. (I'm not saying that for your Dad necessarily... only my own)
I do have the e-mail. But, to be honest. It was so disgusting I don't want him to ever know that's how I found out about it. I don't know maybe it's just me.
Yes, I am sorry for your family as well. It really is an awful situation to be in. I on pretty sure that she doesn't "know" yet. She just has a gut feeling that something is going on. I know that she's going to find out on her own, it's just going to take time. I just can't even look at my dad anymore. It's funny you say that about your dad's other woman. My dad's is not attractive at all! My mom is absolutely beautiful and would do anything for my dad. He is screwing up a good thing and when it's too late he will realize it.
I know I do feel this way as well. However, she would want to see the proof. And, there is no way I would EVER let her read that e-mail. It would truly break her heart to hear the things my dad was saying to this other woman. So, I feel like I need to protect her from that. If that makes any kind of sense.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I think I would eventually have to tell my mother. I would be worried about mom catching STD's and encourage her to be tested. *hugs*
My mom cheated on my dad, twice, I found out told my dad both times. My mom and I never had a good relationship so I had no trouble doing this. I am not sorry I did it, I would do it again. My parents are still together. Both men she cheated with have passed away and I dont think there is another. I just wish my dad would have left my mom. He deserves better.
It is a hard place to be in. You said your mom already knows something is going on. You need to feel comfortable telling her, if not then follow the advice of your therapist. There is no easy outcome and someone is going to get their feels hurt really bad. Its the people that are indirectly affected, you, DH and your LO that can get really hurt too. Try to be there for everyone and continue to go to thearpy.
My Mom had that gut feeling for a long time and I actually found out in the exact way you did. I was on my Dad's computer (he knew I was) and in the corner it said George has new mail from yahoo in the corner but it was George with a different last name so I clicked on it. I never should have and I feel I got what I deserved by clicking on it and seeing this thread type email back and forth between him and this other woman. It was gross. I found this out about 6 months before my Mom found out. I actually think she knew before that but didn't want to admit it. She couldn't deny it anymore once he bought her a house. She had to pay the taxes on this "rental property" that my Dad bought and that is when things started coming out... like how come no one ever paid rent on the rental property and how come my Dad was paying the electric and phone bills for it.
It sucks! I hate that woman! I don't feel like I let my Mom down by not telling her. My Dad is the one that put us all in this shitty situation! I think that people say "I would tell for sure" but you realy really don't know until you are looking at your sweet Mama in the face and about to tell her that everything in her effing life is a lie. It sucks I don't judge. I didn't tell my Mom. I dont' know if I would if I were put in the situation again. GL Jen and I know you will make the right decision for your family!!!
How are you sure you mom doesn't know? Maybe she has already made her choice.
IMO, as a non-emotional, un-related party... This is their marriage and their business- stay out, stay alive.
Wow that sucks. You're def in a hard spot, but coming from someone who's been cheated on, I really wish someone would have told me earlier. After I found out and reflected on everything I hated that so many people knew and so when we were out together I was just making an @ss of myself thinking that we were all happy-go-lucky and they knew something else was going on. I was mostly hurt that my brother knew and didn't tell me.
I don't know how you tell, but I say do it. Your mom needs to get out of that situation.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Agreed.
This is how I found out my ex was cheeting on me. You def do not want you mom to find out this way!
well maybe theres no way she can see the letter. maybe its been deleted, maybe your dad will delete it if & when she finds out about all of this. who knows...
If it is really bothering you that your dad can do this to your mom then i would say something. He's hurting her & hurting their marriage. You are family, you can intervene. I would treat this situation as a family problem...him cheating on her hurts you too because you care about them both.... if my dad cheated i would tell my mom, if my dad did drugs i would tell my mom, if my dad him my mom I would stand up for her.. just because it isnt directly towards you does not mean u are not effected and u cant say anything about it. hope that helps