- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
babygreen10
member
Am I over reacting?
babygreen10
member
Hi, I'm kind of new here, I've been lurking and you ladies always give fabulous advice so I just wanted to get your thoughts.
A little background on me, I'm 27 and moved to Michiagn from SE KY at 19 to be with my boyfriend who is now my husband of almost 7 years. Needless to say my parents were PISSED! After I moved to MI I graduated from college moved to Chicago with a lodging company and then was relocated to Cincinnati in 2007. My sister is 26, she just got married in Feb to a guy she met last January. He is the 2nd man she has lived with and my parents couldn't be more thrilled in her choice. He is 34 and has no career objectives. My husband also has a degree and works for a great company with tons of potential for growth.
So, last fall my sister annouced she was going to quit her job and go out west and hike the Pacific Crest Trail for 6 months this year with my BIL who my family didn't even know, he'd only been in the picture for about 7 months when this decision was made. I was very upset about the decision but whatever, it's her life. After this decision was made she got engaged and then married to my new brother in law. While all of this was going on I found out I was pregnant on Dec 1. When I called her to tell her about the baby all she wanted to talk about was her upcoming trip. Needless to say I took this very hard. We were very close growing up but have drifted very far apart since her husband came into the picture.
I have selfishly asked her to fly home in August when the baby gets here because I really want her to be there (they left in April and won't return until October) and she told me she didn't think she would be able too, but "we would see".
My SIL is throwing my baby shower and has been the most excited person all along. My mom things I am totally overreacting and that I just need to get over it. My dad and her it seems couldn't be more happy with the decisions she has made, is making but it seems as if my husband and I can not do anything right.
Am I over reacting? Should it not be a big deal that my sister will not be here for the birth of my first child, her first neice (she definately has the money to fly home so that isn't an issue)? Should I not be making a big deal about my parents totally embracing her husband and this trip when all they have ever done is disapprove of my husband and the decisions we made?
Thanks in advance for your advice and/or opinions.
Bobbie
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I over reacting?
I know she is your sister but i'd say screw her! She obviously doesn't care about your pregnancy, your baby girl or anything related to anyone else but herself. The fact that your SIL has been there for you is great.
I have issues with my family at times too and the way I look at it is, I didnt choose my family, they were given to me so with some I might get along and with some I may never hit it off .... so I rather focus on the people that DO CARE and are there for me regardless if their family or not.
Just my two cents.
Well, first of all, yes it would REALLY bother me if my parents were completely approving of someone they havent met, but still gave me crap about my choices. As far as wanting your sister with you when you give birth...I can understand that too. Especially since you said you guys have always been close until she met her husband. But its her loss if she chooses to not be involved. It hurts, but there is nothing you can do about it and you dont want to stress yourself out over something that you cant control anyway.
Good luck!
I think you have every right to feel hurt and upset by this because you and your sister had a very close relationship. I do agree with the post above that its her life and you either have to accept her for who she is or deal with her from a distance. If she doesnt show up for the birth of your LO, she will be the one missing out on a beautiful experience. But I hope she will think long and hard about it and realize how important it is for her to be there. Dont stress yourself. This is the time for you to be happy and preparing for your beautiful LO to come home. GL!!!
Kind of. The trip was planned before you found out you were pregnant. If they are hiking it is doubtful that she will be able to fly out in the middle of the trip.
Why don't you plan something special for when she gets back. The baby will be older and interactive then too.
You need to let go of the relationship you used to have with your sister and form a new one. You are both different people now.
As for your parents, I feel the same way about mine. I never do the right thing, and my sister that is a total flake is awesom in every way
. I have just kind of accepted it over the years. I know that nothing I do will ever be good enough for my parents, so I stopped trying to please them and really stopped carying about what they think.
Does it suck that your parents have embraced her decisions and husband and not yours? Yes. To me that is a whole different issue than your sister not being around when your LO is born. You need to come to terms with the fact that your parents treat you differently. My parents are like that and I have just had to accept it and move on.
As for your sister, yes, you are being selfish. You can't ask someone else to put the birth of your child ahead of their own life. You say yourself that you aren't close anymore. Do you really think that her being present when your LO arrives is going to change anything?
You are completely entightled to your feelings, but this really isn't something to get worked up about. You have your life, she has hers. She'll meet your baby when she does and it will be a special moment regardless of when that is.
Thanks for your thought so far guys, I really appreciate them. It makes me feel better that some of you see where I am coming from. I wanted to say more but was at the end of my lunch and my friend came in with her 7 week old baby boy.
I can see where you would be coming from saying it was selfish of me to think she should drop everything and come home. That part I have tried really hard to come to terms with. I guess it just hurts me because when I got married my mom and friends did everything for me, she didn't do anything, which is understandable, she was 19 at the time, but I had to do everything for her for her wedding and be there for everything for her wedding. Now my SIL and MIL are planning my 2 showers and my sister won't be here at all to celebrate ( am sure LO will get a present from her aunt but my mom will have bought it) but when it is her turn to have a baby I will be expected to do it all. I know my mom relies on me more because I am older than she is (by 16 months which really isn't that much) but the different set of expectations is driving me nuts. I know part of it is just my personality and that I let "happen" to me as my husband puts it but it is still heart breaking. Maybe it is just bothering me more these days because of the pregnancy hormones.
Regardless, thanks for listening to my problem and offering advice. I will try to be a little less sensitive about it all. I can't wait for Baby Girl to get here and I know my sister is going to miss out on one of the most amazing times of my life, but it's her loss, right?!?