Anyone else afraid...

mich77 · May 2010

...to have a second child because they feel it will not be as "perfect" as the first one? Plus, I am worried that my first born, now 2, will feel left out because he is so used to being our whole world. Am I worrying about petty things or does everyone have these fears when deciding if they should have more children?

Toni1019 · May 2010

I had all those feelings when I got pregnant with #2. I even cried many nights over it. But now we have 3 and everything is great!

mich77 · May 2010

Guess I should clarify my "perfect"...meaning no health issues.

momtoRaegan041008 · May 2010

Yes, yes, and yes!

Our friend's just had a baby and we went to the hospital to visit them. I held the baby and my daughter threw a huge fit. She was crying and screaming for me. I had never seen her act like this. We don't plan on trying until this fall, but I still feel like I'm not sure if I'm really ready to give up her being an only child. I mean, I definitely want at least one more child, but I'm scared.

Jason&April · May 2010

I'm trying for #2, and I know that my daughter is ready for a brother or sister because my uncle had a baby last year and my grandparents have watched them together and my daughter just wants to play mommy to her baby cuz. If you know anyone with a baby let your child interact with it that way you will see how she will react.

LDQAM516 · May 2010

It is a lot smoother and easier than you might think. Yea, its hard in the beginning, but newborns are hard...period. Once the second gets a little older...things almost go back to the way they were and giving each child your time is actually really easy...our son gets just as much attention as before. Our DD was difficult at first and WAY different than DS, but with time...we molded her into a great baby...just about as easy goind as DS!

mich77 · May 2010

He is fine with other little ones. I think I am more worried than anything that I won't be able to give him as much love and attention with a second child.

More than that, I am afraid that I will have a child with health issues and will not be able to give him the attention he needs. I think I am worrying and overreacting. My husband and I are both healthy. My husband has children from a prior marriage and no issues there. But, it is just eating at me right now.

skittles_123 · May 2010

Pretty normal feelings. But until you have that second one, you cannot totally grasp the fact that your second will be perfect in a different way, and to see the differences is really incredible. Two different, yet perfect people.

clondo · May 2010

I was afraid of the same thing, he is around his cousin a lot and is good with her. I got pg with #2 and explained to him about the baby coming and he was excited. It is a fear I think all mothers go through but they will be just fine. Make sure you involve your LO with the baby, let him choose stuff for the baby and ask him to feel your tummy, things like that. Get him excited for the new addition. GL! Big Smile

jsugrin · May 2010

I kind of felt the same way, like I was tempting fate ya know. I had one healthy baby was I really going to get two. I think if you know people who have had kids with health or special needs issues that you are more likely to realize that a healthy kid is a bonus not a guarantee.

olivia_eve · May 2010

Yes, I totally understand. Having a second baby with severe health issues happened to a good friend of mine, so I think it makes me even more afraid.

mgrulke · May 2010

yup, DD is healthy and happy, what if the second is not. That maybe why we are waiting, I'm just a little nervous.

TMs1stBaby · May 2010

I don't know, I never really thought about it. I guess having a child with health issues is as big a risk the first time as it is the second or third. My third has health issues, but, I still absolutely love her and she makes our family whole. Whatever happens, you deal with it. Such is life.

skittles_123 · May 2010

To add, my first has autism, but we didn't know it until after our second was born. Our second appears to be as typical as they come. Such an incredible blessing. It is challenging to have a special needs child, no one ever wants to join the club. We won't be having the three kids we thought we wanted because of our oldest being SN. It has just caused too much of a financial tole on us, I work and I just don't have time in the day to handle another child, especially if they ended up SN as well (which genetics says we have a higher probability).

But in your case, afraid to have a second because you are afraid they will be SN, well chances are it wouldn't and I personally, would not not have a second just for that slim chance. And if you did have a SN child, they are just as precious, and they will be just as perfect in your eyes.

urbanwifey · May 2010

Personally I never thought that, but everyone I talk to makes me realize I'm in the minority for not feeling that way.

trapani2be · May 2010

Yes! I cried many nights over this. Worried to death that #2 wouldn't be healthy, happy, easy, as loved as #1. I also felt huge amounts of guilt for the changes that ds#1 would have to endure. Now that ds#2 is here I do not regret the decision to have more than one child. We may have some rough days with having them close together but they will have each other in the future and now that makes me tear up with joy.

flgator · May 2010

I worried about these things when I was pregnant with DS#2. I worried more this time than with my 1st pregnancy. But DS#2 was as healthy as DS#1. I try to give DS#1 individual attention. I think everyone worries about the same things, but I love having 2 so far.

cepcep · May 2010

I worried about this as well. ?I guess the fear of heath issues did not keep me from having my first and it was just as likely my first could have had issues. For us, DD having a sibling outweighed the risk. ? Plus, I was just ready for another one, I had baby fever!

momofolivia · May 2010

yes i have worried about these things. DH was especially worried about not loving #2 or having enough time for #1. I think we will be fine.

fIowerchild · May 2010

I had all those same feelings.

But I swear, #2 might just be MORE perfect.

mich77 · May 2010

Thank you all so much! It is nice to know that the feelings that I am having are normal.

SportsLover · May 2010

I am very afraid to have a third child, especially since I lucked out with my two twin boys. My niece had a rare chromosome disorder and my sister has been through hell and back. I'm petrified that something will/would go wrong.

Brooklyn2577 · May 2010

Yes! DH and I were just talking about this.

LipstickLibrarian · May 2010

Yes, this thought really scares me. I didn't worry with DD at all, for some reason. But since we just started TTC and I'm already anxious about the health of #2, I'm thinking I will be a nervous wreck when I do get PG!!

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