Community› The Bump Message Boards› Postpartum Depression
Postpartum Depression
New Discussion

So miserable right now...

sapphire angelsapphire angel member
in Postpartum Depression

I hate that he doesn't realize that we need him to earn a paycheck way more than we need his presence here. He has a job 8 hours away from here and works 12 hour shifts for 3-4 weeks at a time. It was the only job he could find and it's doing grunt work. I hate that it always seems like I work my butt off so he can not have a job or just work part time and only earn enough to pay his car note and leave all of his other credit card payments to me. He says he is miserable without us and hates his job. I know it would be unfair and cruel of me to tell him that if he's not going to earn a paycheck then he doesn't need to bother coming home when he gets vacation time but I'm so close to telling him. He knows how I feel, I typed my side of the conversation almost word for word and we have had this same argument for 3 years now. I'm tired of it not changing at all in context. I'm going to have to start tutoring again for the extra cash. And maybe, hopefully the government aid will come through for once and relieve some of this stress. I'm seriously thinking of staying up until midnight when he gets off tonight and tell him to earn his paycheck or don't bother coming home. 

Lo is incredibly fussy because of her congestion. She's starving but can't finish her bottles. She's starting to get a congested cough and I don't know if the daycare is going to let her stay there tomorrow s I will have to take off. My counselor at the university was not full time staff, she's only there from September through April, then she returns to her private practice full time. I can choose another counselor but it won't be until the first days of June. I need to find another apartment because I can no longer afford this one. I know of one that I can definitely afford but it is in a bad area and usually has beer bottles scattered in the parking lot with a few shell casings thrown in.

I am really hating life right now and totally blame FI at the moment for not being able to enjoy this time with LO now that she is smiling and usually so happy to see me. I blamed LO at first but then things were going better and now I blame him for the misery now. I am dreading Fi's first vacation when he gets here even though we have not scheduled that time yet. 

Report Reply to Post

Re: So miserable right now...

  • Smudges*MomSmudges*Mom member

    Wow, given all that you have going on, I'd be pretty miserable too.  I'm so sorry that things are so rough, despite your hard work.  I'm sorry to hear that your counselor has gone back to her private practice. . . that seems rather short-sighted on the university's part to only have hired her for 10 months. Booo!

    As for your FI. . .it sounds like he needs to man-up and either contribute all that he can (be that while living near you or not), or you and LO would be better off without him as your FI.  <sigh>  Not a great place to be in, but, it sounds like you are a resourceful mama! 

    Good luck finding a new place to live.  I hope that you are able to find something affordable that is within your price range.

    One day at a time.  You can do it!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • sapphire angelsapphire angel member

    it is a bit short-sighted on the university's part but most of the counselors are brought in like this to relieve the waiting list during the long semesters because there are so many students. I'm sort of glad because I was able to get an appointment the week that I first called the office, even though I was told there was a waiting list of 3 weeks. My therapist did say that I could come to her private office and she would book me in with no problems but there is no way I could afford a private office like that. As it is, I have just about used up my allotment of sessions until June 31st, which is also short sighted to assume the patients only need 7 sessions to get better and recover... 

    FI called back apologizing for acting the way he did. He does want me to get my PhD and he also said he realizes that I will never accomplish that dream unless he is there to support me in all ways. I think he is just now realizing how hard it was for me to work two jobs and go to school full time (for three years, 7 days a week 90% of the time) so that he could only work a part time job doing something that he liked and go to school. Now the tables are turned and he is having the outrageously long hours and trying to work on his masters, while I just have an 8-5 type school/work schedule because of the baby. 

    Maybe things will get better... 

    Report Reply
  • Smudges*MomSmudges*Mom member

    You sound like you are in a bit better place.  I'm glad that he apologized.  Hopefully he'll make good on what he said.  You sound like an incredibly hard working woman and deserve as much support as you give. 

    As for "just" an 8-5 school/work schedule. . . along with the baby--that is huge!  I'm a SAHM and there are days that I don't shower (granted, DH was deployed until 3 weeks ago, so I was a situationally single mom).  

    I understand not being able to afford to pay the private practice fees.  As for the seven sessions, I know with insurance plans that I have been on, if a therapist submits a request for additional sessions, more can be approved.  Not all plans are like that, but it might be worth looking into.

    Good luck with everything.  Hang in there!!!  You can do it!!! 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"