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Preemies
Is it really worth all the stress?
Since Natalie was born I have been trying so hard to be able to breast feed. We met with two LC's in the hospital to help Natalie try to latch on and give me suggestions to get more milk. The LC told me that I would always have to supplement with formula because I don't have all of my milk ducts. I pumped every 3 hours the whole time at the hospital and have since we got home as well. It is so stressful because no matter how much I pump or for how long, I still hardly get any milk. Natalie eats about 2 ounces at every feeding now of her formula, and if I am lucky I get about 10ml of that. And I mean if I am lucky! Many times I'll only get 5ml or less. I am drinking tons of water, took Fenugreek for 2 weeks, eat oatmeal for breakfast every morning, drinking Mother's milk tea, but nothing is helping at all! I just feel like since it is stressing me out this badly that maybe it's time to quit. But I feel so bad quitting at the same time and feel like it's my second failure as her mother. My first failure was not being able to carry her to term. It's just causing me so much stress and I cry every time I think about it, and almost every time I finish pumping. I know the stress doesn't help my milk either though, but I can't help but stress out about it. I feel like I can't do this anymore to myself - but if it's best for Natalie maybe I should? Just not sure what to do anymore. Has anyone else not breastfed their preemie? I know it's best for her, but my body just doesn't agree.
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Re: Is it really worth all the stress?
Oh smiley, I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. I had never heard of an LC saying "you don't have all of your milk ducts" so I don't know what that means, but just based on your story, I wanted to say you should NOT feel guilty if you want to quit. You've given it a lot of time and effort and tried a number of supply boosters.
Does DD latch? I know you're worried you're not making enough to bother, but a baby at the breast does more for supply than pumping. Is she interested in trying? You can always bf and then give the formula. You might find this a) more helpful in terms of increasing milk supply and b) more rewarding! I hate pumping so much and there's no bonding between you and a pump. I'd recommend offering her the breast to see if she's interested; even if she doesn't get much, it should boost supply and help you feel closer to her. Again, do NOT feel guilty if this doesn't work - bfing after NICU is SO SO hard and you've been very dedicated and given it your all. Hugs!
If DD is awake enough I try her at the breast before giving her the formula in the bottle. She has latched on about 4 times total. Other times she will just sit there and lick at it a little and then get frustrated. I hate seeing her upset about it at all so then I give the bottle. I have tried skin to skin many times also. It has been the best feeling in the world the times she has latched on and done it, but it has been so few and far between at this point.
I have been trying with my LO but he just doesn't get the latching thing. I tried a breast sheild a few times and he doesn't want anything to do with it. I have been EPing since Will was born. It took a while but I get about 2 ounces each pump session, 3 if I am lucky. I am suplimenting with formula now each feeding (about 1/2 to 1 oz of formula, 2 oz of BM) every 3 hours. I still try to put him to breast every morning but it does end in him getting frustrated or just sitting there with my boob in his mouth.
Like you I have tried all the things to help my milk. I am currently power pumping (pumping for 10 min, rest 10 min, repeate for an hour). I hope that will boost my supply a bit.
I felt like a failure for the same exact reasons you mentioned. My body couldn't hold onto the baby full term and my body won't produce enough for my LO. I had to cry about it and then move on after a while. It's not over-night, but I have come to terms with it.
Don't feel bad. You have tried. There are many babies out there that have been formula fed from day one and never have any issues. Any amount of breast milk your baby gets is good. I would suggest to continue to pump and bottle feed if you can handle pumping every time your LO feeds. I have been doing this and although it is a lot of work, I just take it day by day. Today I know I can do this. Tomorrow I will try. I would like to get through his first 2 months of life, but if I don't, that is okay.
It's totally up to you, obviously, but here's my suggestion. Try to keep doing everything you're doing (esp. offering the breast and making her at least consider it/try for a few minutes) for another 3 weeks, up to her due date. If she's still not into it, relax, reflect on the past 8 weeks with her, and then make a decision regarding whether you feel good about continuing to pump or if it's just too much work for too little pay off. I suggest sticking it out to the due date b/c lots of babies seem like new people once they reach that point - they're more alert and interested in the world usually. Hugs!
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
When I was pumping while DD was in the hospital I would get maybe 1 oz total a pumping session. When DD came home that kept up, it stressed me out and I felt like giving up. I constantly put DD to breast to get her to latch. It took a bit but she finally went to breast and would latch on, it took her forever to eat, but that was okay with me as she was finally latching on. Once she hit term it seemed like she was able to eat much better, she had the stamina for it more. About 2 weeks after term my milk started to come in better, and I honestly think it was because DD was finally latching on and eating from me (she still got bottles here and there to make sure she was getting her calories). I was able to start pumping 3-6 oz a session (depending on the time of day), and I never ever thought it'd happen. I too took fenugreek, mothers milk tea, ate oatmeal, i did everything. Even tried Reglan but had to stop it asap due to the side effects it was having on me.
I guess what I am trying to say, for me it was worth it to keep at it even though I was so stressed about giving her next to nothing, but when she finally got it it seemed like my body finally got it, and then it worked. I just wanted to give you a "success" story of sort that may help you in either trying to stick with it or giving up.
Regardless what you do, you are doing what is best for your baby. A happy mother is extremely important.
I had problems bfing because of all the antibiotics I was on following DD's birth (we both came out of delivery with MRSA...lovely). But I continued to pump. Then I had to have a second surgery (MRSA related...again, lovely) that all but completely killed my supply. And that was with the tons of domperidone I was taking. After DD came home I continued to pump and I believe at my best I was getting 3oz a day. A DAY. Looking back I realize how laughable that was. But I kept telling myself that something is better than nothing. When DD was six months old, I gave myself permission to stop pumping - I finally realized that not only did I dread pumping altogether, but every time I sat down to do it, I was reminded that bfing was one more thing I couldn't do right. The first week after I stopped was the hardest in terms of guilt, but honestly, I was 10,000 times happier and I really don't think my 3oz a day was making that big a difference in the grand scheme of her health.
I totally agree with this! I pumped exclusively for DS while he was in the NICU and continued for a while after, the first 4 days waiting for my milk to come in were the worst, finally my milk came in and things got better for a while (if I hadn't been able to produce much I probably would've given up right then and there). DS never latched well with me, he was on bottles for so long in the NICU and honestly my breasts are enormous and awkward it just wasn't worth it to force the issue for either of us. Pumping sucked, I felt like a cow/milk machine, pump-feed..feed-pump, it was stressful and hard and I was exhausted. Due to this mix of exhaustion and stress, my breasts stopped supplying as much milk as he needed and so I pumped more often and I pumped longer, and it didn't make a difference, and I just couldn't handle it anymore, I gave up and we switched to formula, and I have to say it was a huge relief. I got more rest, I was less stressed, I was happier, and hence he was happier. If you've put in effort and its just not working out for you, it's ok to stop.
I was reading your post as I am pumping and I feel exactly how you do. In fact reading your post brings tears to my eyes because I feel like a failure for the same reasons you do - not being able to carry my daughter to term (she was born at 34weeks 6 days) and not producing enough milk (I get 1 or 2 ounces per pumping session and that's a total from both sides). I have tried Reglan, Fenugreek, More Milk Plus, drinking water etc. and I don't know that I've seen much improvement. I pretty much pump and don't put her to the breast anymore because she would just not get enough and I felt like she was expending more calories trying and that scared me (I am so worried about her losing weight). I think whatever you choose, it will be the right decision. There are great formulas out there if that is the route you choose. I can empathize with your situation 100% and am here if you need moral support. Best of luck to you.
I had a similar experience with my DD. I was getting stressed out and worrying about the routine of having to BF, top off with a bottle and then pump. She wouldn't latch without a shield and I just felt like she and I would never get the BF thing down. Eventually around 3 months actual age, (1 month adjusted) she began to latch on w/o the shield and my milk became more regulated. It was quite stressful for a while but I'm glad I stuck with it. DD breastfeeds like a champ now and I really enjoy it.
If you're up for it, I would still keep trying until a little bit past her due date as you'll probably see some changes in your baby around this time. At this point, I would re-evaluate the situation and then do what you think is best. Good luck!