Mother's Day? Is this OK?

MrserinJ · May 2010

Hi Ladies,

Just wondering what you think of this:

I have been with DS for 11 years now, married for 6. In that time frame, we have gone to visit MIL on Mother's Day every single year. My mom actually passed away 1 year and a half ago, so this will be my second Mother's Day without her. Last year, the first Mother's Day, we did the regular thing and went ans visited her. This will be my third Mother's Day as a mom myself and I have never been able to do what I want to do. I don't know what it is, if its just being pg or what, but I'm really having a hard time about Mother's Day this year. MIL and I have a fine relationship (though its been rocky in the past), but for some reason, I'm just dreading going over there. Besides that, DH has to be out of town (6 hours away) the next morning early for work, and invited DS and I come to come with him. We thought we'd make a day of it and go up early Sunday, stay in a hotel with a pool and just have a fun day with DS. We also learned that DH's brother is going out of town with his wife for a wedding that weekend.

So I'm wondering, would it be totally terrible to go out of town, enjoy the day with my DH and DS and celebrate Mother's Day on a different weekend with her? Of course we'll still send her flowers and call, but I would really just like to get away for that day. DH is totally fine with it, but my MIL is kind of dramatic and I don't want to make a scene. Its just that I would love to have Mother's Day about me for once and also just to get away and try to not think about my mom. For some reason, I just feel like, with being with DH's mom, it will be a huge reminder that my mom is gone, as it was last year. Of course I know I need to suck it up and I would never plan on ditching her every Mother's Day, but do you think it would be OK this one year as we've spent every single other Mother's Day with her? Like I said, we will be celebrating a different weekend when BIL is back with his wife too. WDYT?

UnderAtree · May 2010

I say enjoy the day away. If she asks just tell her that your DH and DS had this planned for you. It is mother's day after all.

sillypit · May 2010

I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

mlc92404 · May 2010

I think it is perfectly fine! Also, I say it's your MIL so it's your DH's call and his responsibility to tell her and deal with her if she makes a big ordeal over it.

KelzinBoston · May 2010

Yes yes and yes.

Last year was my first Mother's Day as a Mom...and DH planned a whole day for the 3 of us. His Mother (who we sent flowers) called about 100 times asking if we were coming over and DH just said it was his wife's first Mother's Day and he wanted to do something nice with me and our son. We went over to see her the following weekend. She was sour because she's like that...but she got over it. My own Mother is 6 hours away, so there's no issue there.

I felt like that was right for us...I only sort of get along with my MIL, and she's an absolute AW...so it was DH's way to give me a day about me...and I really appreciated it!

rlyttle · May 2010

Go for it!!! You're a mother too and deserve to enjoy your day as well. I hate getting into habit when I think I HAVE to go see my ILs out of town. I dread going to see them, but once I'm there I always have a good time. I say to do what you want and don't feel bad about it!!

VTSKIBUM · May 2010

I say go enjoy the time with DH & DS.

wife1014 · May 2010

I choose what I want to do on Mother's Day. If my mom or MIL care to join us, they may do so. If not, I have a nice day with my husband and daughter. I catered long enough. That may sound b!tchy but I am a mother now...

MrserinJ · May 2010

OK, thanks very much! It helps to have an un-biased opinion. Its not that I don't get recognized when we go over there on Mother's Day, its just I always feel that its something I don't really want to be doing (though of course I know I owe it to her), so it would be nice to just do something that I really want to do this year. I think I can go now, getting outside opinions, without feeling guilty. Thanks again for the reassurance!

MrserinJ · May 2010

wife1014:
I choose what I want to do on Mother's Day. If my mom or MIL care to join us, they may do so. If not, I have a nice day with my husband and daughter. I catered long enough. That may sound b!tchy but I am a mother now...

I kind of felt that way too! I mean, its fine to compromise, but it seems like we always celebrate MIL "first" if that makes sense? I don't remember as a kid going to my grandparent's place when I was a kid for Mother's Day, it was always about my mom.

katie277s · May 2010

I think it is completely okay. I would let her know so she doesn't sit around expecting you (as I assume you would do). You are a mother too. Its okay to have the day be about your and with your immediate family.

I'm sorry about your Mom.

KathrynBurkart · May 2010

VTSKIBUM:
I say go enjoy the time with DH & DS.

Ditto!

sleepyocean · May 2010

My first Mother's Day, my husband worked and my dad took my mom and I out for brunch which was nice because it felt like it was about both of us! Last year, DH had to work again and now we live far away from my family, so we didn't do anything, and this year will be the same. At this point I say Mother's Day should be about you, your mother-in-law had however many Mother's Days before you became a mom and that was her turn, now she's a grandma and your a mom and it's your turn.