m/c and going to work

Cheesecup · May 2010

Hi. I was only 5 1/2 weeks and had a m/c today. I am sad, very sad, and I think it would be best to not go in to work tomorrow. However, I don't want to tell my boss that I had a m/c and I don't know that I can call her right now in my depressed state. What have others done in the past when losing an early pregnancy? It is normal to take a day off of work or is it better that I move on?

DRN8302 · May 2010

I am so so so sorry to hear about your loss. I think it would be best to take the day off tomorrow- it is a lot of emotions to deal with and for me, work was just getting in the way of that. I needed time to recover physically and emotionally. Is there anything you can come up with to take the day off? I had a m/c at 4 wks, but I think it was a Friday night, so by Monday, I was alright to go to work. If it had been my first loss, I may have stayed home longer though, not sure... Every one is different and handles things differently, but that's what I would do...

(((hugs)))

elizabeth&james · May 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. If it were me, I'd definitely take the day off tomorrow just to have some time to myself. As far as telling your boss- can you just leave a msg on his/her work phone - or even email?- that you are feeling sick tonight and planning on seeing how you feel tomorrow but that you are planning to be out of work. Can you just not offer a more specific explanation? At first I figured I needed to offer my boss specifics-- but was talked out of it by siblings and coworkers-- specifics are none of her business- I told her I was going to be out of office- personal reasons (I was out for 3 days-- if you are just out 1 day I think I'd just stick w/ the sick excuse and leave it at that. Take some time for yourself-- and again, I"m sorry for your loss.

maddiemoon43 · May 2010

I had already given my boss a head's up I was expecting (she is in the lead for our Biggest Loser challenge at work and I confessed I hadn't had much energy to make it to the gym lately and my mind wasn't on the competition). She guessed why and was very excited for me, fortunately (hug and all!)

I was off half of last week going to the doctor Wed., then ultrasound etc. Thur. and just home miserable waiting for ultrasound results Fri., and she off all week so I sent her an email saying I was having some spotting and concerns and wasn't in. She called me from home (mid-move) to see how I was doing, and has been very understanding and flexible, especially as I will leave work early tomorrow to get confirmation betas are dropping, and then will need another day this week (hopefully) for the D&C.

Sorry that was kind of long, but bottom line: a) I appreciate my workplace and boss and b) if I were vague about taking only a day for feeling unwell I am not sure she would be as pleased with me needing all of the time off I have needed, and will need for follow-up appts. I also expect that she's going to be pretty understanding if my head isn't fully in the game in the coming weeks.

Best of luck with your decision, but if you have a decent relationship and feel you can share what it really is, I'd hope a boss would be more compassionate than if you were only off with a "bug."

millejj1 · May 2010

I went to work thinking that the best thing for me would be to make things as normal as possible. It was miserable! I haven't told everyone at work so the emotional stress of the m/c plus trying to make everything think you're ok when you're not is TOUGH.

I'd call your boss and tell him you aren't feeling well and need to stay home tomorrow. Give yourself time to feel through things.

Cheesecup · May 2010

Hi All,

Thanks, I think I am just going to stick with not feeling well because it is actually true. I know she would be more than understanding, but I don't want to cry on the phone with her.

I appreciate everyone's compassion and kind words!!

BlakeG · May 2010

First, I am so sorry for your loss. Another idea, you could always email instead of calling. Especially if you think it might help to tell your boss the truth but you are just afraid of breaking down an email might work for you. I had an early loss also and I took 4 days off and honestly that was not enough. I needed 3 days just for the physical side of it and could have used a lot more time for the emotional side. If you feel comfortable with it, you might want to let your boss know the truth so that you can take a few days off.

shouldbworkin · May 2010

I didn't take any time off, had my m/c last week at almost 7 weeks, but baby stopped growing at 4w6d. I wish I could have, but I couldn't. But, I was ok not taking any time off too.

I'm sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

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