If this is not your first loss...

KMLP · April 2010

Have you found that this loss is harder or easier to take? I am not for sure how I feel...

SassyMamainVA · April 2010

I think it's harder. I'm definitely having more bad days than I did after my first. I really believed it was a fluke when it happened the first time. Now I really feel like I'm broken...that hurts. I'm contemplating making an RE appointment. My only hesitation is that it will hurt even more if it's confirmed that I'm broken

I hate that anyone has to go through this even once. It's unfair and really sucks.

kaw2723 · April 2010

I agree a lot with PP. I tried not to get discouraged after one because I was told that they are common and chances were that it wouldn't happen again. I feel very broken right now even though the lab work from my D&C didn't reveal any specific problems. I'm now terrified that this will just keep happening, but not so terrified that I'm going to stop trying yet. The first loss definitely made me realize this could happen to me, but I wasn't prepared to experience 2 losses in a row. The grief has been so overwhelming to me that I've started attending a support group and am going to a therapist for the first time next week.

OrangeCrush9 · April 2010

I also agree with PP. I was okay with the first loss and figured I had paid my statistical dues and would succeed the second time. Now I have a referral to an RE for recurrent miscarriages, which is a form of infertility. I am officially infertile. I know that doesn't mean I won't have a baby, but it is very discouraging all the same.

*Chicken* · April 2010

I find this one easier to deal with. Part of it is that I've been dealing with TTC for over 2.5 years and the disappointment month after month kind of numbed me emotionally. Also, my mother (and grandmother) died last year which was harder to deal with than any 6 week pregnancy loss. That's not to say that I don't feel sadness about my loss I do but I can't let myself dwell on it because I know that one day I'll be a mom.

KMLP · April 2010

*Chicken*:
I find this one easier to deal with. Part of it is that I've been dealing with TTC for over 2.5 years and the disappointment month after month kind of numbed me emotionally. Also, my mother (and grandmother) died last year which was harder to deal with than any 6 week pregnancy loss. That's not to say that I don't feel sadness about my loss I do but I can't let myself dwell on it because I know that one day I'll be a mom.

You will be a mom one day!

Also, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and grandmother.

Lissa832 · April 2010

My first loss was the hardest by far. I think a large reason for that is because I have DS. With my first, I didn't. With my last three, I knew that I couldn't let myself fall so deep into depression because I *had* to take care of him.

I think my two missed m/c were the hardest because I made it to the u/s. That is supposed to be a happy day, not a sad one. It is shocking no matter what, but to see your dead baby on the u/s took the cake for me.

jaminjeff · April 2010

I go back and forth. I feel that TTC for two years almost has hardedned me. I am actually wanting to start sooner than I did after my first loss. I gave it three months and only started trying again cuz AF showed up unexpectedly. This time though I just wanted it all to be over. I felt such a relief when the nurse called today with my beta and it was zero. I'm ready to keep chugging along.

But I have times where I'm more upset than I was last time. I see babies that should be the age of my first loss and I lose it. The other morning I was laying in bed and it felt like the reality finally hit me that I lost a second one and I just started crying to the point of sobbing loudly and DH ran upstairs to see what was wrong.

Once is enough, twice sucks, I feel so much sadness for anyone that has had 1, 2, 3 or more losses, it's never fair.

DRN8302 · April 2010

Honestly, the first 2 were horrible. But the first 2 after having my daughter were easier. I say easier b/c I think I just couldn't wallow in self pity and depression. I had to take care of my daughter. The first 1 was super early at 4 weeks. The second was at 7 weeks. B/c of my other losses, I never let myself get too excited or attached.

That being said, this 5th one is by far the hardest. We thought we had found the issue with the MTHFR. HCG levels at 6 weeks were great. Ultrasound at 8 weeks showed a tiny baby with a great heartbeat.

10 week follow up ultrasound- 9 week baby, no heartbeat. Devastating. The 2nd time (besides w/ my daughter) I had even thought about the due date, ordered things for a baby, etc. This one is by far the hardest on DH also.

Sorry for the long post. I've had too many m/cs.

jay-tea · May 2010

A little of both. Harder because we had seen a healthy heartbeat the week before and the u/s that we found out the heart stopped beating at was supposed to just help us relax because we were "past the point" and I'd had no symptoms of m/c. Easier because with the first loss, I had low hcg levels, a low heartrate and bleeding - it took us through 2 weeks of ups and downs before we finally confirmed it was over. This time, we went in, it was over and we weren't dragged through cycles of getting our hopes up and having them destroyed.

cutebride73 · May 2010

For me this 2nd one was harder, I mostly because I was further along (the first was a c/p). The whole grief process has been different. The first time I grieved really hard for about a week and then we started the basic testing with the RE and then I got pregnant again, so I was excited and moving forward.

With this m/c - the first weekend was bad and then I think I was in shock and denial for most of that week. Then the grieveing hit more. I was starting to do a lot better this week, but then I got the m/c test results and found out the baby was a girl (as well as that the cause was Trisomy 16) and I was just a mess again.

As my boss said (she is super understanding) I was grieving the loss of my baby and now I am grieving the loss of my little girl.

smi905 · May 2010

I think the first one was harder. It got harder as time went on because it took us then 16months & an IUI to have my son. Then without really trying we got pregnant with the last one. I look at it as I have a son now, I'm not allowed to sit around & be depressed for his sake. The first time I was. And now I have him to keep me busy & I feel majorly blessed to have had him, regardless of whether or not I have any more children. He's sort of my saving grace. None the less, the 2nd was more difficult in my worry of why I have now had 2 misscarriages without any answers.

L&T4/8/06 · May 2010

This one has been harder. My first one was a BO, and while I was sad, I still had hope that I'd have another someday. Then I had my son. When I found out this one was an ectopic it hit me hard. I would look at my son and imagine what I was missing. With my first one I didn't know what I was missing, but now I do. I agree that I couldn't wallow in pity because I had to take care of him, but I was definitely more upset. Plus, there's the whole unfairness of it. Nobody should have to go through this more than once!

StephandJeremy012608 · May 2010

this one is harder, my first was with an ex bf and we were not trying but was still estatic, this one we are happily married and definetely trying.

If this is not your first loss...

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