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Need your opinions and advice
Long story short my son was born dramatically at 32 weeks. I have posted here before about the details...
Anyway I struggling with my emotions and such. I look at Noah and I think that I love him but I am not sure. I still feel like his nurse or just some caretaker.
Noah is a beautiful boy but I can't even muster the energy to read him a story most days. I think that on some level I am still mourning my old life.
Are these feelings normal? I can't even dredge up guilty feelings anymore.
Please help
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Re: Need your opinions and advice
Your feelings are normal. I remember having the exact same feelings, like I took care of DS but didn't feel that mother-son bond. One day I just looked at him and felt like his mommy, it did take a little while though.
I really suggest counseling. You can work through it on your own it time (I did), but I think talking to a professional would help to resolve everything faster and probably better.
it is all 100% normal! but, i promise, it can and will get better... with each new thing that dd does, i love her and bond with her more and more. and each day when i think i couldn't love her any more- i do. (but, it was a long time getting to that point.)
i agree, counseling can do wonders... i've got a post about grief on my blog under "new to the nicu"... it's normal to grieve the loss of freedom, a full term pregnancy, a normal "bringing the baby home", a normal routine at home..etc. all the things that i expected (as far as pregnancy, delivery, home life) that i "gave up my freedom for" i didn't get. so i felt cheated. i didn't even get to enjoy a term pregnancy, i don't get to talk about my amazing labor story, i didn't get to bring home a healthy baby (she was still on oxygen) etc.
hang in there.. .and definitely talk to someone about it. and feel free to vent on here anytime... we've all been there or are going through the same things right now.
*hugs*
It is tough. I know I love my son but sometimes it's hard to come to terms that he is already born! One of my good friends got pregnant on the same day we did and share the same due date...she's still pregnant and will most likely have a "normal" birth experience. I am sure it will be hard when she does have her baby and gets to bring him home (yep, we both have boys). It will just remind me of how I didn't have the dream pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am SOOO happy for her and remind her how lucky she is to be pregnant still.
Just take it one day at a time. The more you do care for your LO and the more they develop I am sure the love will grow. Just wait until they are tolders and spitefully reach out to touch what you just told them not to...or paint the walls with poo from the diaper they just removed. We have to build up the love to deal with that in the future
That's how I felt up until about 4-5 months. I took good care of her because I was supposed to, but I knew I didn't feel the same way about her as I thought I would. For months I actually wondered if I'd ruined my life by having a baby. I wanted my old life back with just me and DH and all the freedom that meant. Then, when some of the anxiety melted away and we got more used to each other and she started to respond like she knew me - suddenly it changed and I love her now in the way I thought I would.
Just remember - it's not that you don't love him. You take care of him and are there for him and that IS love. Being IN LOVE with him will come in time.