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Stay at Home Moms
"Those of us who have to work..." VENT
Ughhhhhhhh I was talking with a close friend this morning and asked her what time she thought she was coming over to visit. Her husband is going to the Nascar race today so she is coming to hang out with me (they live an hour away so she is dropping him off and bringing her 2 year old to my house to play for the day). She says... "Well, those of us who have to work do all the laundry and cleaning on the weekend so I am not sure what time I will be there." REALLY?????? Then don't come over! I snapped back with "I do laundry on the weekends too... I don't just sit around and eat and watch TV all week!" So annoying!
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Re: "Those of us who have to work..." VENT
oh yea, I've heard that one before. My mom actually said she remembers our neighbor growing up saying that to her (my mom was a SAHM too).
Don't let it get to you.
People are so weird. I can't believe a "friend" actually said that to you.
And, lets pretend you do get everything done during the week so you CAN sit around and eat and watch TV all weekend, I don't think that is a bad thing. Why are we all trying to win the who-is-busier award? Part of why I am a SAHM is so that I am not pulled so many directions and to have free time for what is important to me....and that is not laundry and cleaning!
Sorry for friend was annoying. It's her problem, not yours.
I am a working mom. I'm on here to check a post I posted below. Something that can get frustrating to me is when my SAHM friends/relatives ask me to come over during the workday or spend most of the weekend with them. It really is the only time I have to do all of my laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, and I have to take care of two boys. It's difficult to do this all in one day, esp if DH is OOT. I am sure that you understand.
The way your friend said that was rude, but I also get annoyed when my SAHM friends don't try to understand where I am coming from either.
Maybe you could offer to watch her child while she goes grocery shopping near your house today, or offer to go together. Or ask her if she wants to bring her laundry over and do it at your house.
It sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder. It was very disrespectful of her to take it out on you. Just continue with the life you enjoy living.
P.S. I spend lots of time cleaning during evenings/weekends, too. During the day we are here making kiddo messes & cleaning them. I only do 'real' cleaning when my DD is asleep or DH can watch her.
As a former WM and now a SAHM, I respectfully disagree with this. It sounds like this friend agreed to come over for the play date. If she was too busy, she could have said as much and not planned to come over. Are you suggesting that she should not have extended the invitation? If she was so busy, she should have declined to come over rather than passive aggressively making that comment. I would not have done that as a WM and I don't have any SAHM friends who didn't recognize that the weekends were my down time. I still wanted to hang out with them then- when else was I going to spend time with them??
I also agree with the pp. I still often do my laundry, grocery shopping, etc on nights and weekends just as I did when I was a WM. It is too hard to drag a toddler and baby to the stores so I wait until DH is home. So, that has not changed. WMs should understand that our schedules really are not that different. My "9-5" job is childcare now, mostly. I don't ever tell anyone I quit my job to SAH. I inform them that I had a career change.
I am hoping she meant the comment as a joke, but it was still uncalled for. It would be like me calling my WM friends on a Wednesday and saying, "must be nice to be able to eat your lunch with both hands" or something:-)
I want to knock people in the head for that.
My DH says, "Since I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning and go to work..." all the freaking time and I have to control the urge. Alaina's usually up before he leaves for work! And when she was waking up at night for the last TWO years, he slept right through it.
I do agree that they had arranged to meet up, but never set a time. It sounds to me like it was a "after you drop your DH off, come on over". There doesn't seem to be a "set time".
I think everyone just gets too sensitive with comments. Yes, the WM could have phrased it better, but maybe she was having a bad day and was just frustrated and snapped. It's a 2-way street since the OP snapped back with "I do laundry on weekends too." That comment wasn't necessary either.
SAHM DO have the luxury of throwing in a load of laundry every day during the day (naptime, etc.), therefore lightening their load for the weekend. I NEVER do laundry on the weekends. For us, it's family time and I don't spend it cleaning or doing laundry.
And I'm not saying that WM can't do laundry on weekdays during the day, but when it's evening, and you have to get dinner on the table, clean up, and get your kid(s) to bed, it's just much harder to do laundry too.
I let most things roll off my back, so a comment like this wouldn't have been a big deal.
You're a better person than many for responding to the PP as eloquently and matter-of-fact(ly) as you did but she seriously has to be a troll (or something close to it). I mean, who would even think of: Maybe you could offer to watch her child while she goes grocery shopping near your house today, or offer to go together. Or ask her if she wants to bring her laundry over and do it at your house.
Obviously, the working friend doesn't have much regard for what her SAH friend does and that's a shame. We all work hard, regardless of which choice we made.
I understand 100% how hard it must be for a WM to get things done during the week...When I was working and didn't have a baby, I had a hard time getting it all done... I have said MULITPLE times that the house would be a disaster and dinner would hardly be done if I had to work full time - but that is just me...If I had to I am sure I would make it work.
That being said, She asked me if she could come over!
She doesn't want to go to the race and wants to visit some friends around town. I just wanted to know what time she was stopping at my house so I could plan the day.
I don't know. I really appreciate it when I go out of town to visit friends for the weekend, and they offer to let me do my laundry while I'm there. I don't see it as an insult to anyone. It just allows me to spend more time with my friend.
I 100% agree with this... I think there needs to be more conscience, sensitive, empathetic effort on ALL sides towards others, regardless of their employment status. We should all work harder towards building each other up rather than tearing each other down.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
Please excuse the crude reference but this reminds me of the "who can hold their piss longer" game. I used to deal with it at work.
It was always a 'thing' about who was in the office the longest, who "worked" the hardest by putting the in the longest days, who had the longest commute, who came in on a snowy day.....all chicken sh!t in the grand scheme of things.
This whole WM vs SAHM is very similar in my opinion.
I completely agree with this. I have friends who constantly talk about how busy they are, how crazed they are, etc, and I don't feel the need to compete with it. I just tell them I'm sorry and hopefully things will slow down for them soon.
I like to enjoy life, and if that means I get to relax with my family on the weekends (well, as much as we can with a toddler at home!) because I get a lot done during the week, then good for me! I don't have any desire to be so busy that I can't find time to breathe. That's not what life is about. We enjoy our pace of life and I'm grateful for it every day.
Great question... I have encountered this from people, "friends," etc forever - And not just since becoming a SAHM. Even when working F/T, everyone wants to try and convince you of how busy they are all the freakin' time.
ITA. I am not busy and I love it. I will brag about being not busy from now on. lol!!
I try not to get caught up in the 'I am the best mom because....' lifestyle. It just stings a little when someone makes comments such as the one she made today. So she might be jealous but what is the difference in her being a multi millionaire and me being a teacher. She is not a multi millionaire but the point being I would never say to her, "Well since you make so much money..."
I am a different mom than most of my friends so it does make it hard sometimes. I love to be with my baby and we love to do things as a family on the weekends or on DH's every other Fri. off. I have been so surprised at the amount of judgement we have gotten over the last year starting with us wanting a natural birth, to breastfeeding, to me staying home. It just gets old after a while. It is our choices and our lifestyle and I just don't feel like I should have to take flack for it. I LOVE my life!
and regardless... I had a fun day with her afterall.
I agree with all this. I didn't find the original comment to be all that offensive.
Where is that obvious? The simple fact of the matter is that the friend has to be at work, in an office, all day, every day. So, yes, cleaning must be done on the weekends. She's not calling her lazy or saying she doesn't work hard, she is saying she has to juggle all her housework with fun stuff on the weekend.
People really do look for anything to be offended by.
I AGREE!!
I mean if I was working...I would be busier with housework on the weekends, that's just a fact. Now, I question this friend that would throw this type of comment about "for those of us that have to work..." but I would have responded with something like, "Yes, it must be hard, just let me know when you can make it." What's the big deal really. Either she's a good friend who is just having a bad day in which case blow it off, or she is not a great friend and just being rude and snarky as always in which case, cancel the playdate.