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Parenting after 35
FFFC: No wedding this year
So, I have been so busy and so tired that I have neglected to tell you ladies that i postponed the wedding until next year...again. just too much on my plate to plan a wedding. We set a "tentative date" for June 4th, 2011. I will probably back out again though. I *do* have a history of doing that. lol. Actually, our compromise is he can give his family the wedding and "legitimize" our child (ugh. seriously?!), but i do not want to mail in the signed marriage license. I was not planning to change my last name anyway, so it's just legalities and what does that have to do with a marriage anyway?!
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Re: FFFC: No wedding this year
Sorry it's all so complicated Kandie. Take all the time you need.
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Two words for you.
DESTINATION WEDDING.
Skip all the trouble and expense and spend the $$ taking either yourself and SO, or you, SO & kids to some place warm and beachy and do the deed there, then follow it with a honeymoon/vacation
I am sorry that things are so stressful for you though.
)
I'm sorry you're so stressed about this. I'm old-fashioned, I guess, and understand his desire for marriage. But you need to be on the same page and if you have a wedding, you should get "married" as well. Otherwise, follow your own path.
My friend's wife kept her name, btw.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
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Oh yeah, I still have my maiden name. I plan to change it, just haven't gotten around to it yet.
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I changed mine right before M was born and then only because I thought my XH's name would be on her birth certifcate. It already galled my X that I was listed by my X's name I the hospital and we almost changed hospital wanted to but "Baby XH'sLastName" on all her paperwork. I totally understood that. My original plan was to keep my XH's name until my kids graduated then change it back to my maiden name.
Of the top of my head, 3 of my friends are married and did not change their name. DH told me I could keep my maiden name (if you are my FB friend, you see my married name and understand why he said that...). But I guess I'm old fashioned too and with having kids I thought it was important.
Kandie - you need to do what is right for you. You've been down that road (aisle?) before and it's smart not to rush down again. There is no longer one standard definition of what a family is - you all are a family wether there are "I do's" in front of a room full of people or not.
Wowza....
Honestly, I see no benefits of a legal marriage. Emotional is enough. The wedding and reception will be fun, when I have the time to plan it. It's is not so much to fake out the in-laws, as this is our compromise. Some people hand-fast, if you are into that sort of thing. I think a ceremony is what people need to be comfortable with our commitment to each other. They can all have the ceremony and I can still be comfortable with the whole thing. Win/Win. This has nothing to do with keeping my maiden name. I kept it with my first marriage too.
Marriage is great if you have to deal with a lot of foreign countries and you and your partner have different nationalities, it just simplifies things, but outside of that I agree with you. It's the emotional commitment that matters, not the ceremony.
Presents are kind of nice, though.
So Kandie, what exactly freaks you out: The Marriage or the Wedding?
The marriage is way more important than some wedding ceremony. It's just a party, really, and not necessary at all.
If you live with your SO for even a few days, at least in the state of Colorado, you're considered common-law spouses already.
this ... DH and I were common-law before we got married. Why we got married anyways? to please our parents.... yeah, I know ...
you do what YOU want to do and what makes YOU comfortable. Here's to you and whatever decision you choose.
hehehehehehehehe!
we don't even file taxes jointly!
No common law in PA (unless before 2005) or OH (unless before 1991). So, no legal issues there either. yippeee!!!
What freaks me out is that i just don't like the law deciding how my relationship should work or end. You might be surprised at what primitive antiquated laws still exist buried in some states. I want our union to always be about love and choice- not legal obligation.
I think the ceremony and reception will be great -will definitely need a flask and full bar though....lol. James loves to be the center of attention, so this is for him as much as his family. 99.99% of mine wouldn't come if I invited them, so it's good that I am not. It's for the best. I am excited about it all to be honest. I just want it to be perfect, which requires a lot of planning and I simply cannot do it last minute...plus, our finances are very tight right now.