Working Moms
Still having a hard time....
....adjusting to being back at work. I've been back to work for 2 months. At what point do you accept the fact that you have to work and move on?
My husband is currently on his FMLA and I'm extremely jealous. I had the cold winter months at home. My little girl and I were secluded to the house. He not only gets to enjoy this beautiful weather with her but also is at home when she is really interacting (smiles, cooing, etc.).
Ahhh....why is it so hard to be a working mom?
Sorry...just having a bad day (and it's only 7:30am)!
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Re: Still having a hard time....
Good morning momma! I thought I was the only one that felt that way! My SO go laid off in January and I have been back to work since then...Oh my I hate it! I get up every morning and he is still sleeping I look at him and just wanna scream get up I have to! He is not even inerested in looking for another job right now...WTF! I thought the mommy's are suppose to be the stay at homers...
I have no clue why it is so hard...maybe because we cared them around with us for so long and going somewhere, where you spend most of your day without them feels weird...
Bad day here too!
We can just be the BDM for the day!
Littlestar,
Small world....My husband also got laid off. He was planning 12 weeks of FMLA and then the company he worked for started laying everyone off. It was bittersweet....he was planning on no pay for 12 weeks and now he is collecting unemployment. But, now we are weighing whether he goes and gets a job or continues to stay home so it prolongs putting our daughter in daycare.
I too have a hard time seeing him in bed when I am leaving for work. I have to remind myself that he does do a lot during the day. But, it's still hard to see him sleeping when I know I can't. I also am not the type to take naps and such. So, I probably would've stayed up when our daughter ate at 5am and started "doing stuff" around the house.
I just feel like I miss out on so much when I'm at work. I asked my employer if I could reduce my work hours and was turned down without any hesitation. Ugh!
Thanks for letting me vent!
littlestar,
What is your typical day like with your little one?
4am -4:45am - get ready for work..I peak in and check on her...I leave to go to work
5am-11am - work
11am-11:30 - SO brings her into my lunch (sometime)
11:30-4pm - work
4pm-5pm - make dinner for us and play time
5pm-7pm- relax and play time
7pm - Bedtime which sucks cause I dont go to bed till 9pm
I'm going to be frank with you: the reason it is so hard is your attitude. You both sound upset because you feel like your DH has stolen something that is rightfully yours, that HE should be the poor bugger trucking off to work and as mama you should be entitled to stay home with LO. It's not going to get better until you 100% drop that sexist crap, and own up the the fact that it is both your and DH's responsibility to meet the needs of your family. If that means you work and he stays at home, just for now or for longer, so be it. Latent resentment is one of the number one reason for dissatisfaction and failure in reverse-role households.
If this is not how you and DH want the household to be, I realize, that sucks. (My DH is a SAHD, but our arrangement is entirely by choice.) However, you've got to let go of feeling victimized by the situation or entitled to something else because you're the mom, and move on. Hopefully, your DH's have embraced their role, and if not, that is something to bring up and discuss (for example, a SAH can and should be taking a larger role in managing the household, if all your DH does is mind LO and you come home to cook and clean, etc., that should be addressed). Once that happens, it can be absolutely awesome being a working mom with SAHD spouse. Scroll through some of the vents of two-parent working households to see the positives...you don't have to find emergency care when LO is sick, there's never issues with daycare, you don't have to run around in the morning or evening to get everyone where they need to be, there's always someone to take LO to the doctor or do other work day errands...focus on the pluses.
mysticporter
I understand where you are coming from...i also understand that some house holds have the perfect relationship or close to it...i love your option...it is not a jealous thing here...im pissed because he is lazy he tell me all the time...try when you make the money for your family and you live with someone that has a spend addiction. i know that is my choice and I am dealing with it for my daughter trying to make it work because I've dealt with seperation of parents and it SUCKS!!! I grit my teeth and put on a happy face for my daughter! mrhorn and i are just having one of those days so please understand that for us BDM's
Hey, I understand bad days. Hope yours improves! Honestly, it sounds like your DH needs a kick in the a$$, and I'd be upset too. It just sounded in your previous posts like you were just upset that you were working and he was SAH, and you mentioned mommy's are the ones that are supposed to do that...just call an apple an apple if it's that he's being a bum and not pulling his weight!
I still haven't accepted it, sadly, and I've been back at work for 5 1/2 months. I am just praying that we get things situated where I don't need to work FT when #2 arrives.
I think I would like to work part-time, to get away, but FT is really disrupting my ability to be the kind of parent I want to be, I'm too tired when I get home to read to L, or play with her much now that I'm pg again and sick all the time. And during the week I haven't even been giving her solids regularly. It's time-consuming, she wants to go to bed less than two hours after I get, and there's just not time to get everything done.
The big problem for us now is that I carry the benefits for L and me. FI doesn't have bennies at his current job, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway since we're not married yet. Once we get back from our honeymoon in two weeks, though, you better believe I am nagging him to death to get a job with insurance! I would then work FT until #2 arrives to get the paid maternity leave.
Not to put my two cents where it isn't wanted, but I come from a home where the parents "stayed together for the kids" and that is really no better than dealing with separation/divorce. Those kids are just as messed up. I grew up seeing my mom treated like crap and fell into a terrible pattern of dating a**holes who were like my dad. My parents are now both miserable adults who still stay together because that is all they know. My dad does not have the potential to be a happy person, but my mom does and it is heartbreaking for my sisters and I to see the life she continues to choose.
Maybe you are just having a bad day and these are not your true feelings about your husband, I hope that is the case. But if this is your underlying feeling about him, please do yourself and your children a favor and examine how you could improve things. Your happiness or lack thereof WILL affect not only you, but also your children throughout their lives.