Military Families

No leave for baby shower (Vent)

Ugh. DH has been with the same MP company for 7 years and through 3 deployments. He does Commo for them, he's not an MP. 6 years ago when we tried to have our wedding (we were already married) he put in his leave packet 4 months in advance and 3 weeks before our wedding they tried to revoke it because of a range. Um hell no. I photocopied our entire wedding planning binder with receipts and dumped it on the Commander's desk. (Edit: Because he wanted proof that we were going home for our wedding, not just a vacation.) Then I had a Bridezilla Sh!t fit. They approved his leave.

Then I became the FRG leader for 2 years and got them home from one deployment and off to another. You would think they would be a little bit grateful for that... nope. Didn't even get a certificate of appreciation.

Now they are trying to hold him back from our baby shower. We spent an hour in the office looking at the long range calendar trying to figure out when there would be no ranges, no trainings, no field craziness. We settled on the last possible week that I can fly.

Now they are saying that he can't go because they have some rediculous driver's training. DH has had a driver's badge for 8 years, has a current Army driver's license, and basically doesn't need the course. He could teach the frickin' course!

He's got 17 use/lose days of leave because since our wedding he's never taken leave that wasn't block leave or R&R from a deployment. This is our first child and it took a hell of a lot for us to be able to have her. We want to celebrate with our family but this Company is being rediculous about it. Sometimes I hate the Army.

Vent Over.

Expect MIRACLES!! Shocking surprise BFP 9/12/12 After 2 IUIs, 3 IVFs w/ICSI and 1 FET we have been blessed with a healthy baby girl born 26 August 2010! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Pregnancy Ticker
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Re: No leave for baby shower (Vent)

  • Vent retracted. He just called and said they accepted his original form from Korea when he got his driver's license the first time. He REALLY doesn't need this training and his leave will be approved.

    w00t!

    Expect MIRACLES!! Shocking surprise BFP 9/12/12 After 2 IUIs, 3 IVFs w/ICSI and 1 FET we have been blessed with a healthy baby girl born 26 August 2010! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Pregnancy Ticker
  • Sense of entitlement is strong with this one.
    Fuuck TTC - I'm moving on.
    imageimageimageimage
    image
    "It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
    "Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
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  • How far are you planning to travel?

    I'm stationed in Washington and we kept wanting to fly to California (10-11 hour drive), but decided to drive at the last minute...we came home with so much baby stuff it was almost blocking the back window!

    Maybe you can find a friend to drive you without DH....sucks I know but my DH didn't come to the babyshower and was pretty much just there to drive me around.

  • That sucks that he can't go to the shower with you but duty does come first.  Just because you are or were the FRG leader doesn't get you or your H a pass on requirements for personal events.  I'm the FRG leader for our unit and I didn't volunteer to do it because I hoped it would benefit me later on down the road.  I'm not looking for a thank you at the end of it either, knowing our soldiers came all came home to their families is all the thanks I need. 

    Just be grateful he'll be able to physically be with you, help you and support you through your pregnancy and when it comes time for baby to make his or her appearance, there are a lot of women, on this board even, who will have to make it through pregnancy, nevermind the baby shower, with their husbands deployed.

    ETA:  I see that he got his leave approved.  Glad to hear that but you should think about what I said.  Be grateful for what you have.  Thousands of women would kill to have their husbands in the delivery room when their child comes into the world, a baby shower is a small thing to get so worked up over.

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  • I photocopied our entire wedding planning binder with receips and dumped it on the Commander's desk. Then I had a Bridezilla Sh!t fit. They approved his leave.

    WTF are you doing in his commander's office?  Stay in your lane, wifey. 

    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • I am glad everything work out! 

    I do have a couple of questions, 

    Do husbands usually go to baby showers? Isn't baby showers mostly just for the girls? 

    This is what I thought.. but I could be wrong. 

  • imageMrsOjoButtons:

    I photocopied our entire wedding planning binder with receips and dumped it on the Commander's desk. Then I had a Bridezilla Sh!t fit. They approved his leave.

    WTF are you doing in his commander's office?  Stay in your lane, wifey. 

    Army wife...hardest job in the Army.

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  • imageMrsOjoButtons:

    I photocopied our entire wedding planning binder with receips and dumped it on the Commander's desk. Then I had a Bridezilla Sh!t fit. They approved his leave.

    WTF are you doing in his commander's office?  Stay in your lane, wifey. 

    my thoughts exactly - yikes! 

    Big Sisters 2/10 & 12/11
    Little Brother 3/1/18
  • I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.
    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • I'm glad that it worked out for you, but I do have to say that you are a little over the top on this. Your husband is a Soldier. You might want to get a grip on that before you let his responsibility to fulfill his obligations drive you crazy.

    Oh, and being the FRG leader doesn't entitle you or your husband to any special recognition.

    Good luck with your pregnancy. I hope you have a great preganacy and a happy and healthy LO. Have a great time at your shower! :-)

  • I am really struggling with how to respond to this post. I understand that you are venting and really disappointed. As a fellow IVF mama, I know the struggle you've been through. But, the sense of entitlement rubs me the wrong way. You did not bring them home. You helped to coordinate aspects of their return home with the Rear D. Honestly, I would let your DH know how you feel but then back off and let him deal with it--he's the service member, not you. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
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  • imageSgt M's Wife:

    That sucks that he can't go to the shower with you but duty does come first.  Just because you are or were the FRG leader doesn't get you or your H a pass on requirements for personal events.  I'm the FRG leader for our unit and I didn't volunteer to do it because I hoped it would benefit me later on down the road.  I'm not looking for a thank you at the end of it either, knowing our soldiers came all came home to their families is all the thanks I need. 

    Just be grateful he'll be able to physically be with you, help you and support you through your pregnancy and when it comes time for baby to make his or her appearance, there are a lot of women, on this board even, who will have to make it through pregnancy, nevermind the baby shower, with their husbands deployed.

    ETA:  I see that he got his leave approved.  Glad to hear that but you should think about what I said.  Be grateful for what you have.  Thousands of women would kill to have their husbands in the delivery room when their child comes into the world, a baby shower is a small thing to get so worked up over.

     All of this.  My H didn't go to any of my showers, and he was home.  It's just a baby shower, not the birth, or the first time you are taking your child home to meet the family.  Duty will ALWAYS be first, get use to it, and it will make life easier. 

  • imageMrsOjoButtons:
    I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.

    My thoughts exactly. I might want to march in and raise hell --- but I don't.

  • imageMrsOjoButtons:
    I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.

     My H would probably leave me if I did this.  It would make him look like an idiot. 

  • Well, I can't say I'm surprised by the sense of entitlement coming from a person whose SN is Princess so and so.

  • imagepennylane786:

    Well, I can't say I'm surprised by the sense of entitlement coming from a person whose SN is Princess so and so.

    My thoughts exactly.

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  • imageshaykrista:

    imageMrsOjoButtons:
    I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.

     My H would probably leave me if I did this.  It would make him look like an idiot. 

    Mine, too.  I knew if I said it someone would say our marriage is crappy or something equally stupid. 

    I contacted an SO's first sergeant once because SO was drinking a lot and getting into fights after a deployment.  I let him know what was going on, dumped the SO, and left it at that.  Apples and oranges.  I don't want to be seen as the woman with her H's nuts in a jar.  I want him to be respected.

    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • imageMrsOjoButtons:
    imageshaykrista:

    imageMrsOjoButtons:
    I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.

     My H would probably leave me if I did this.  It would make him look like an idiot. 

    Mine, too.  I knew if I said it someone would say our marriage is crappy or something equally stupid. 

    I contacted an SO's first sergeant once because SO was drinking a lot and getting into fights after a deployment.  I let him know what was going on, dumped the SO, and left it at that.  Apples and oranges.  I don't want to be seen as the woman with her H's nuts in a jar.  I want him to be respected.

     I know what you mean, and we have a great marriage.  It's just a matter of respect.  I am not the one in the Army, I will let him deal with his career.  Of course I WANT to go down and yell at people all the time, but I never do it.  

  • imageMandyBrownNoser:
    Sense of entitlement is strong with this one.

    image

    Force is with you it is.

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  • From what you are saying I would be led to believe that YOU are affecting his military career. He may or may not be getting approved for leave because of what you are doing. You can't go traipsing (sp?) around and tossing your stuff on someone's desk to get your way.

    Also, that's great that you were the FRG leader but YOU didn't get the troops home. They got themselves home. 

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  • imageshaykrista:

    imageMrsOjoButtons:
    I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.

     My H would probably leave me if I did this.  It would make him look like an idiot. 

    I'm glad to hear that he doesn't have to go to the drivers course and can attend the shower. Just keep in mind that you have to pick your battles. I would have also talked to the chain of command regarding the wedding leave being revoked...but only with his (SOs) permission. A wedding is a big thing (and very costly).. but a shower, in the scheme of things, not so much.

     

  • imagePrincessJesci:

    Then I .... got them home from one deployment and off to another. You would think they would be a little bit grateful for that... nope. Didn't even get a certificate of appreciation.

    I don't know much about the FRG, but I don't really think you specifically got them home. I know it takes a lot of hard work to head the FRG up, and hey, thanks for doing it, but this seems a little much. 

  • imageMrsOjoButtons:
    imageshaykrista:

    imageMrsOjoButtons:
    I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.

     My H would probably leave me if I did this.  It would make him look like an idiot. 

    Mine, too.  I knew if I said it someone would say our marriage is crappy or something equally stupid. 

    I contacted an SO's first sergeant once because SO was drinking a lot and getting into fights after a deployment.  I let him know what was going on, dumped the SO, and left it at that.  Apples and oranges.  I don't want to be seen as the woman with her H's nuts in a jar.  I want him to be respected.

    To add to this, that's part of the reason why I volunteer.  I tthink whatever impression the family puts forth effects the soldier.  If your wife is running to your CO and pitching a bridezilla fit it's obviously going to reflect poorly but if your wife is willing to help the unit and the families when needed it can reflect on the soldier in a positive light.  It may be a little naive of me, but it my opinion.

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  • imageMrsOjoButtons:
    I can't imagine how mortified my husband would be if I contacted anyone in his chain, let alone the commander.  He's a big boy, he can handle his career without me having temper tantrums and embarassing him.

    Yeah, gotta agree with this one. Doing that would never even enter my mind. 

    And... I swear I really did try to be sympathetic about the whole baby shower deal, but I just couldn't get there. 

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  • Holey moley, listen Princess a baby shower is generally exclusively female anyhow. If this were a birth, I could see your problem.

    My husband and I had our wedding planned, and two days before the ceremony they gave him orders to go to Louisiana for 10 days, it was unnecessary. They sent all the single soldiers, and kept the married men home to be with their families for Easter. Did I march my self-important a$$ into his commander's office and demand he be there? Of course not, because he was doing his JOB.

    And the FRG leader position is entirely voluntary, if you think the soldiers not grateful enough to you for bestowing your precious time on them, feel free to move the eff on.

     

  • Ugh. DH has been with the same MP company for 7 years and through 3 deployments. He does Commo for them, he's not an MP. 6 years ago when we tried to have our wedding (we were already married) he put in his leave packet 4 months in advance and 3 weeks before our wedding they tried to revoke it because of a range. Um hell no. I photocopied our entire wedding planning binder with receips and dumped it on the Commander's desk. Then I had a Bridezilla Sh!t fit. They approved his leave.

    Seriously? My husband would call off the wedding if I went wandering into his Sgt. Major's office demanding that he get the time off for our wedding. That's the nature of the beast: in the military, you don't always get what you want.

     Then I became the FRG leader for 2 years and got them home from one deployment and off to another. You would think they would be a little bit grateful for that... nope. Didn't even get a certificate of appreciation.

    1: YOU didn't get them home from the deployment. The US Army, the civilian contractors, and the grace of whatever higher being you believe in did, along with some cooperation from mother nature, got them home.

    2: If you're the FRG leader for the position and the name and the certificate of appreciation, you're not in it for the right reasons. Do it because you want to serve others and help out, not because you want a pat on the back.

     Now they are trying to hold him back from our baby shower. We spent an hour in the office looking at the long range calendar trying to figure out when there would be no ranges, no trainings, no field craziness. We settled on the last possible week that I can fly.

    I get it, you want him at your baby shower, but look at what you're saying. Being FRG doesn't give you any special honors or privileges, same with your H. Duty calls and sometimes it calls at the most inconvenient times. There are tons of women on this board that won't even have their H's there for the birth of their kids. I'm glad that he is now able to be there for your baby shower, but you really need to chill out and realize how lucky you are. And if he wasn't able to be there, it's not the end of the world. It's the nature of this beast. You either deal with it gracefully or don't. But remember, you're also in a position of leadership and what you do, reflects not only on your husband, but it shows the other wives what the proper decorum and standards are and I think it's safe to say that throwing a fit in your H's office is NOT proper. 

     

    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
    PersonalMilestone
  • You sound the like the type of FRG leader that I would dislike.

    I'm glad that he got his leave, but your attitude needs some adjusting.

  • This one calls for Ojo's Top 10 versions 1 AND 2. Sheesh.
    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • I absolutely hate it when they don't come back to defend their doucheness.
    Fuuck TTC - I'm moving on.
    imageimageimageimage
    image
    "It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
    "Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
  • Sorry but I think a lot the responses here are crap.  First of all, I don't care why he wants to take leave--it's his RIGHT.  That's correct, while leave isn't guaranteed at a certain time, the fact that he has 17 use or lose says that he doesn't take it that often and use or lose ALWAYS gets preference.   Second, driver's training, really?  That's not service before self, that's his unit jerking him around and his supervisors not giving a rat's ass about there ppl.  If his leave was already approved--there should be a damned good reason to revoke it--not some silly ancillary training.  Look up the leave regs ppl, I'm sure that the Army is similar to the AF--it sounds like he followed the correct procedures and put his leave in well in advance.  I'm so sick of the suck it up attitude . . . just because you join doesn't mean that the rest of your life should be put on hold.  Who the hell do you think will be there at the end of a career--that's right your family.  Sorry but this is a hot button with me.  Not even b/c I've ever really been screwed but b/c I've seen enough of my peers not taking care of their subordinates b/c their afraid to speak up to the unit commander.  
  • Like I said, not sure how the army works but here is directly from the AF AFI:

    The entitlement to leave is a right; however, unit commanders can deny leave due to military necessity or when in the best interests of the Air Force.

    The use of leave is essential to the morale and motivation of members and for maintaining maximum effectiveness. Lengthy respites from the work environment tend to have a beneficial effect on an individual?s psychological and physical status. Weekend absences (regular pass) or short periods of leave do not normally afford a similar degree of relief. In provid- ing the leave entitlement, Congress intended for members to use their leave as accruing. Congress provides for payment of accrued leave when members are unable to use their leave because of mil- itary necessity. However, Congress did not intend for members to accrue large leave balances expressly for payment of accrued leave. Give members the opportunity to take at least one leave period of 14 consecutive days or more every FY and encourage them to use the 30 days accrued each FY.  

     

    The leave program isn't just for shiits and giggles, it serves a genuine and important purpose.  Unit that have too many ppl w/ use or lose can get into serious trouble.  And I'm sorry, but a wedding isn't something you screw around with.  Maybe she shouldn't have gone into the commander office, but most of my bosses would not have freaked out over this.  They genuinely care about their unit and the spouses.

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  • The issue here is not "Is the unit jerking him around/superiors doing enough for the Soldier" the issue is "Wifey is taking it too far and stepping outside her bounds".

    My husband is a civilian, and the only time he ever step foot into the Shirt's office was because of a pay issue/direct deposit...it's not his place to fight my fights for me.

  • imagelmcase:

    The leave program isn't just for shiits and giggles, it serves a genuine and important purpose.  Unit that have too many ppl w/ use or lose can get into serious trouble.  And I'm sorry, but a wedding isn't something you screw around with.  Maybe she shouldn't have gone into the commander office, but most of my bosses would not have freaked out over this.  They genuinely care about their unit and the spouses.

    If my husband walked into my office to complain about my vacation time I would be horrified. And I'm a graphic designer for eff's sake. There is no way in hell I would go to my husband's commander to complain about his leave and throw (in the OP's words) a bridezilla fit. How childish. It's her husband's job, not hers. I'm sure he could handle it without his princess coming in and throwing a piss-fit in his superiors office.

    Also, the particular thing she's currently "venting" about is a baby shower. Not a wedding. Not a birth. Not a death in the family. A baby shower. She needs to grow up.  

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  • lmcase, I don't think the Soldier should have to suck it up, but I sure as hell believe he needs to handle his career, not sit back while his wife makes a spectacle of herself and embarasses him in the process.  If the Soldier isn't willing to fight for his leave, perhaps he doesn't really want the leave after all but he's too chickenshit to say it to his wife.  Call me crazy, but YOU have a LeaveWeb login because it's for you to handle, not your spouse. 
    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • imageames17:

    imagelmcase:

    The leave program isn't just for shiits and giggles, it serves a genuine and important purpose.  Unit that have too many ppl w/ use or lose can get into serious trouble.  And I'm sorry, but a wedding isn't something you screw around with.  Maybe she shouldn't have gone into the commander office, but most of my bosses would not have freaked out over this.  They genuinely care about their unit and the spouses.

    If my husband walked into my office to complain about my vacation time I would be horrified. And I'm a graphic designer for eff's sake. There is no way in hell I would go to my husband's commander to complain about his leave and throw (in the OP's words) a bridezilla fit. How childish. It's her husband's job, not hers. I'm sure he could handle it without his princess coming in and throwing a piss-fit in his superiors office.

    Also, the particular thing she's currently "venting" about is a baby shower. Not a wedding. Not a birth. Not a death in the family. A baby shower. She needs to grow up.  

    Doesn't matter what the leave is for . . . it could be to stay at home and wash his car.  His leave, his right.  They were trying to cancel it for training FFS!  And, like I said, I don't think going to the CCs office was the best idea, but it's not the worst thing I've ever seen by far.  She was probably new to the service and honestly, it should never have gotten that far in the first place.  Short of the unit deploying or a serious manpower shortage or something else equally major, I can't imagine telling one of my guys to cancel a wedding.  That's just over the line IMO.  

  • You are a raving idiot. Do you wear the uniform?  Do you go to work for the Army every day?  Do you deploy to Afghanistan? 

    I didn't think so.  Sounds like you need to step back, remember who is actually IN the Army, respect  your husband, his job and his chain of command.  If the Army thinks it's necessary to train him at XX date and they deny some leave, tough crap.  Get over it.  Duty comes first, you knew that when you married him.

  • Wow really? My DH missed the BIRTH of our child and wasn't back until a few MONTHS AFTER he was born. You seriously have your panties in a wad over a freaking baby shower? That is sad sad sad.
  • imagelmcase:
    Sorry but I think a lot the responses here are crap.  First of all, I don't care why he wants to take leave--it's his RIGHT.  That's correct, while leave isn't guaranteed at a certain time, the fact that he has 17 use or lose says that he doesn't take it that often and use or lose ALWAYS gets preference.   Second, driver's training, really?  That's not service before self, that's his unit jerking him around and his supervisors not giving a rat's ass about there ppl.  If his leave was already approved--there should be a damned good reason to revoke it--not some silly ancillary training.  Look up the leave regs ppl, I'm sure that the Army is similar to the AF--it sounds like he followed the correct procedures and put his leave in well in advance.  I'm so sick of the suck it up attitude . . . just because you join doesn't mean that the rest of your life should be put on hold.  Who the hell do you think will be there at the end of a career--that's right your family.  Sorry but this is a hot button with me.  Not even b/c I've ever really been screwed but b/c I've seen enough of my peers not taking care of their subordinates b/c their afraid to speak up to the unit commander.  

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Army Admin NCO LAUGHING HER ASSS OFF AT YOU RIGHT NOW! You might want to check the regs yourself sweet cheeks. HA HA HA HA HA!!!

    BTW/// its AR 600-8-10 para 2-2.

  • imagelmcase:

    Doesn't matter what the leave is for . . . it could be to stay at home and wash his car.  His leave, his right.  They were trying to cancel it for training FFS!  And, like I said, I don't think going to the CCs office was the best idea, but it's not the worst thing I've ever seen by far.  She was probably new to the service and honestly, it should never have gotten that far in the first place.  Short of the unit deploying or a serious manpower shortage or something else equally major, I can't imagine telling one of my guys to cancel a wedding.  That's just over the line IMO.  

    His leave comes second to the military's needs. If they need him in training, they need him in training. And maybe it's different in the MC, but if they need my husband back or somewhere during his scheduled leave time, they're going to get him back. He's been called back from leave early because they needed him for training. It happens. 

    Weddings get rescheduled and cancelled all the time. If the leave wasn't approved, they shouldn't have set a date for that time. But instead, they set it, didn't have the leave approved, and then when it was denied SHE marched into his higher up's office and threw a royal fit. The only person in the wrong was her.

    Either way, you're missing the whoooooole point. She's not pissed off because of a wedding. She's pissed off because he was going to miss a baby shower and she felt that they were entitled to him being there, for whatever reasons. AND he ended up getting approved anyway!  

    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
    PersonalMilestone
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