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2nd Trimester
Baby Shower question?? Is this selfish to ask?
My mother and and MIL are hosting a shower for me. Now since this is the first baby and both sides it will be pretty large, about 82 people, all family and friends.
Now let me tell you about the guest, the mothers guest! They are a bunch of woman who "lunch" and converse in the Neiman Marcus shoe department.
My friends are hardworking down to earth gals who lunch at Wendys ( best place ever)!
On to my question! I want to encourage these ladies who lunch who have been blessed with the life of leisure to give back. Attached to my invitation I would like for my guest to bring a baby item for mothers in need of anything so that it can be donated to a local womans shelter.
Even if its one bottle, blankie or a box of diapers, it goes a long way for many!
Is it wrong for me to ask of my guest to be charitable and if not how is the best way to go about doing so?
Im also venting because I had lunch with mom and MIL today and this shower thing is already over the top, but I feel a bit altruistic in doing so!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby Shower question?? Is this selfish to ask?
NOT WRONG AT ALL! It's a very selfless request and kind of you. As long as the same thing's being asked of your friends and that's it's an overarching request for all your guests...there's nothing wrong with it.
Women set up registries requesting what they want for weddings or babies. Your request is a donation for those in need.
It's very lovely!
You could always say "In lieu of a registry gifts please bring a baby item of your choice which will be donated to XXX"
Rockin Idea!! Remind folks that as much as babies are a blessing sometimes it can make life hard to the family.
If the mom's fight you on it you can say, "You get the HUGE party, I get to donate to charity."
Are you going to be asking all your guest to do this or just the ones you think have money?
You should never assume that those who have do not give. They might and most likely do not talk about it.
Over all I think your idea is a good one. I have worked for a local womens shelter and they can always use the help. My advice is to call a local center or shelter and ask them if they take baby donations.
Once you find a place write something on your invite such as, "This is a wonderful time to share with friends and family and to reflect on how blessed we all are. If you can please bring an extra baby item that will be donated to ________ shelter to help new mothers and babies" or something like that.
I wouldn't ask for both. Either do a regular shower or on the invite ask for a donation to a specific women's shelter inlieu of a gift for you. I certainly wouldn't ask for both.
Some, if not all, will probably also bring a gift for you but, don't expect both.
Ditto PPs--do you mean this as a replacement for a regular shower (with gifts for the shelter) or as an additional thing? If you're registered, I wouldn't do this, as well. I would however, really go through things are fully and donate anything you won't need or use gently to the shelter. I work at a domestic violence shelter weekly, and they'll be getting a heckuva lot of baby stuff from me from here on out.
While it's a really sweet idea and I'[m sure you're hearts in the right place, a shower is already a gift giving occasion and it's really too much to ask for a gift AND a donation, IMO. A donation to the shelter WOULD be a fantastic favor, though.
I did this for both my shower and Kate's first birthday. Almost all of the "grown-ups" (moms' friends) also brought a gift for me/the baby but my friends all just donated and that was awesome.
On the invite, I just said something like "in lieu of gifts for the birthday girl, please consider a donation of diapers, formula or a small toy for X, a shelter for homeless women and children in Philadelphia."
I think that asking your guests to bring items to donate to the shelter in lieu of shower gifts for you is a lovely idea. However, I think that asking them to bring donations in addition to a gift is (dare I say it) tacky.
I also think that it is odd to do a "raffle". Basically, people feel obligated to participate, so they take the money they normally would have put towards a gift and use part of it to buy the item requested for the raffle.
I totally get that you are passionate about the women at the shelter. Like a PP suggested, make a donation to the shelter as a party favor if you want/need gifts given to you at your shower. Or, do an "in lieu of gifts" type of a thing.
PS...I am curious, were you planning to ask for the donations in addition to gifts or just donations...you seem to have disappeared or are avoiding answering because many people have asked and I too am curious.
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.
this.
Sorry I had to run to catch the garbage man for knocking the cans over and leaving! Nope this is in lieu of a gift for my own baby too ask for both would be tacky!
I am grateful for what the grandmothers are doing and am perfectly fine with just a celebration.
I want everyone I know to experience doing good for someone else, not to say that they dont, but I want to bring attention to areas that are lacking.
No Im asking of everyone, I should have said that my friends mothers are also Neiman Marcus ladies as well.
I want only donations at my shower, no additional gifts for me! Just for those in needs.
Then I do not think that what you are doing is selfish in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I give you two thumbs up for having such a generous heart and willingness to help others.
I would even go so far as to ask the shelter what their needs are and then include that list with the invitations. My aunt did this for her holiday party this year. Usually, everyone brought them a nice bottle of wine. This year she asked for donations to the shelter that she is on the Board of and included a list of their needs...things like clothing, burp cloths, crib sheets, bibs, bottles etc.
I am glad she included the list because I would have thought to bring diapers, formula and wipes, but here in California, there is a program called WIC that provides those things, so the women do not need them as bad as some of the other stuff.
Again, that is so sweet of you and sorry if my reply was a little snotty at the end. I reread it, and did not intend for it to come off that way.
Oh and ETA...I see you are in Laguna Beach. The shelter that my aunt gives to is in OC as well...and is called WTLC...just curious if it is the same one. I did a charity event for them last summer.
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.