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Postpartum Depression
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Ashamed.

Scooter359Scooter359
in Postpartum Depression

I am ashamed of how I feel. I cannot seem to come to terms with the fact that I dread SO leaving in the morning and being left alone with M. I love my child with all of my heart, but for the life of me I can't stand him. I feel like a failure as a parent and as a mother, and that is just making things worse. I can't make up my mind, I cry at every milestone because I dont want my baby to grow up, and he makes me so happy and fulfilled, but at the same time I am so ready for him to be over this and he frustrates me to no end. When I think about him being older,  I worry that if I cant seem to deal with him as a baby how am I ever going to make it through him being a toddler, a pre-teen, a teenager? 

When I mention my feelings to SO he tells me they are normal. But they do not feel normal, I feel wrong. I ask myself why we decided to extend our family in the first place. I am scared of my own emotions, and I am nervous that by being this way I am effecting M. Its not fair that people are TTC and would love to have a child, and here I am with one and can't be happy about it.

I don't know what Im looking for. Maybe to know that I am not alone. Embarrassed

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Re: Ashamed.

  • jaime5121jaime5121
    You are NOT alone, and you ARE normal!  But, you also need to call your OB now.  These feelings can be controlled, and get better, I promise!  I'm glad that your SO seems supportive - that is a big help.  Please, call so that you can enjoy being a mom!  GL!!!
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  • liliane10liliane10
    It is normal, and I also recommend calling your OB or midwife and talking to them.  I was on antidepressants for a few months, and also saw a counselor.  And by around 10-11 months I felt like the fog had finally lifted.  Hormones are a b!tch!  It's not your fault.  Things will get better with time, you will be happy and yourself again!  I promise.
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  • Willow&CaisMommyWillow&CaisMommy
    Hello, I am new to this board, I usually frequent 2T and August Birth month board, but I have a son who will be 3 in June and when he was born I felt the exact same way you feel right now. I was so excited when I got pregnant with him, but once I brought him home I felt miserable most of the time. I didnt know what I was doing and I could not grasp y he was constantly crying. I couldnt figure it out. It got so bad that I couldnt hold my own baby. I talked to my doctor and got some help. There is medication for all of this. It is so normal. When you're a first time mom you're not expecting everything that you experience. Don't be ashamed. You are perfectly normal, and doing better than most because a lot of women dont realize what they are feeling is a symptom of PPD. Be strong and know that you are not alone in this. Continue to voice your emotions, that always helped me. Explain to s/o that you dont think this is the way you  should feel, and by all means if you need to ask him to take a day or two off, so you can take some time for you, don't be ashamed to do that. Healthy mommy= healthy baby. GL!!!
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