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Infertility
st.augbride
member
Really sad, need help--dh might be against IVF : (
st.augbride
member
in Infertility
Hey ladies, I'm up late and can't sleep. I'm not doing well. IF has me feeling so defeated. I went for my u/s after 5 more days of femara and 2 injects. The injects weren't too scary by the way--didn't hurt much, but definitely weird though. Well, lining still at 6mm and largest follie is at 13mm. I have a follow-up u/s on Thursday morning, but I'm not holding out much hope. My body clearly hates femara, and they won't proceed with any more injectables unless I'm doing it along with the IVF group. See, at Walter Reed Army Medical Center (I'm in the Uniformed Services), they only do IVF 4 times per year. The next cycle is July, so if I waited to do an injectable cycle then, I'd be giving up our chance for IVF at that time. We have an appt with Shady Grove next Wed for a second opinion, and we can consider injectable IUIs with them, but again, if I don't do IVF at Walter Reed in July, I'd have to wait for October. With my possible tubal issues in addition to everything else, I just don't know if it makes sense to spend the money on IUIs when the odds are probably pretty low. IVF at Walter Reed costs 5k, which we could handle...
However, my biggest problem--and the reason I've been sobbing all night and can't sleep--is that for the FIRST TIME since we started working with an RE in October, dh said that he actually isn't sure he's morally comfortable with IVF. I'm devastated. I can't believe this at all. How can he hold that from me when it's likely my only real chance? I asked him why he never said anything before, and he said until today (he came with me to the RE) he didn't realize that we really might do IVF...umm, hello?! Where have you been?? I just don't get it at all, and I completely disagree with him. He's Catholic so this is a religious issue for him. I'm just so depressed and sad. I can't believe he might be taking this option away from us, when it might be all I have : ( I am praying he comes around...he needs to 'think'...but with each minute he's 'thinking', I feel like I can barely breathe. I just don't know what to do if he doesn't come around.... I feel so lost right now.
Has anyone been through anything like this? I just can't identify with his reasoning at all. Any help or advice would be much appreciated.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Really sad, need help--dh might be against IVF : (
First of all- I'm sending you huge hugs. We all have those days when we just "lose it." When we were first given the MFI dx we were told that IVF was our only option. DH is Catholic and it took him some time for it all to sink in. I'm not sure if your DH is the same but it took him being at the appt to "get" it. He wanted to be the strong one and keep hope alive that intervention would not be neccessary.
I have spoken to my Pastor and several of my Pastor friends about the moral issue of IVF. I'm Methodist. I received great support from them.
Thoughts to ponder. Did you and your DH use BC before TTCing? Because the Catholic church is against use of any form of contraception.
There are some beautifully written devotionals for couples dealing with infertility. Perhaps these might be helpful. Good luck! ((hugs))
I understand your predicament. DH was against IVF until I explained my feelings and deep thoughts on it. I told him (this is the truth) in order to feel like I have exhausted all options before heading to adoption, I had to try it once. I really feel as a woman our need to have a child is a deep inner feeling. Deeper than a man's. I explained this gutteral (sp) feeling to DH.
He took several days to think it over and agreed. He was worried about the safety, cost, and risks....we researched all these issues and now he is on board!
Give him time, talk, love and try to understand. Hope you can work through these issues quickly!
{{HUGS}}
I am sorry you are going through this. It took H awhile to come to terms with it. And it sucks trying to get on the same page. Sit down and have a conversation with him. Tell him how you feel and listen to how he feels. I also found that having him come up with a list of questions to ask the RE and scheduling an IVF consult allowed H to clear up a lot of the myths and assumptions of IVF.
However, I don't understand why your RE will not try a straight injectable IUI? Have you considered a second opinion?
Good luck ((hugs))
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
I can totally relate. I mentioned it to DH last week, and he was pretty opposed to it. He said he doesn't want a 'fake' baby. I was shocked! I had no idea he felt that way. I always assumed I could get pg with meds, but now its not looking so good. I think with some time, and explaining to him that this may be your only chance for a biological child to carry on his genes, he might come around. Thats what I'm hoping with mine.
*HUGS*
TTC in 2008. Stage II/III endo, Hashimotos hypothyroid, low morph (3%).
2 cycles Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/Crinone=BFN.
IUI #1 - 4 Follistim/Ovidrel/IUI/Crinone = BFN.
IVF #1 - Antagonist w/ ICSI 4/10. 17 retrieved, 5DT of 2, BFN
IVF #2 - Long Lupron w/ ICSI 6/10. 15 retrieved, 3DT of 2, BFFN!!
Lap 7/21/10
IVF #3 - Clomid/Antagonist w/ ICSI 10/10. 14 retreived, 3DT of 3, BFP 10/20 but m/c. No HB 11/15/10 - D&C 11/17/10.
FET - 2 blasts, 1 survived the thaw. Transfer 2/19. Beta #1 3/1 375, Beta #2 3/3 885, Beta #3 3/8 4261, Beta #4 3/11 9005. U/S 3/8 1 sac 1 yolk, U/S 3/16 1 heartbeat 114bpm!
James born Oct. 24th 2011 via c-section at 38 weeks!
Surprise BFP - Jack born April 28, 2013 via VBAC after PTL at 33 1/2 weeks!
I am sorry that you have to go through this. I had a friend that had this same view. I asked her if she found out that she had cancer would she accept radiation and/or chemotherapy. To me it is all the same, treating a condition/sickness with medicine and medical intervention. It made her look at things in a different way.
Good luck to you!