I'm so tired of this response...

MrsT1209 · April 2010

"Look on the bright side, at least you already have a beautiful daughter."

I KNOW that I'm blessed to have her. Trust me, I KNOW.

So maybe I'm selfish and want another one. Maybe I don't want my beautiful daughter to be alone after her father and I die. Maybe I want her to share the joy of having a brother or a sister like her father and I did.

I'm so sick and God damn tired of people telling me (yes, I've had someone actually SAY this) that I'm ungrateful and don't appreciate what I have.

ERICA21779 · April 2010

you are certainly not alone in this!!! There is nothing selfish about wanting to have more children and you certainly shouldn't have to be made to feel that way

iowandfw · April 2010

Thankfully I have not had too much of that. In fact my hip surgeon gave me referrals to tow REs that he and his wife used and said "if your family is not complete, you'll never be complete."

MrsT1209 · April 2010

iowandfw:
Thankfully I have not had too much of that. In fact my hip surgeon gave me referrals to tow REs that he and his wife used and said "if your family is not complete, you'll never be complete."

I love that quote. It is so true. I wish people would understand before they open their big more than one child having mouths.

iowandfw · April 2010

MrsT1209:
iowandfw:
Thankfully I have not had too much of that. In fact my hip surgeon gave me referrals to tow REs that he and his wife used and said "if your family is not complete, you'll never be complete."
I love that quote. It is so true. I wish people would understand before they open their big more than one child having mouths.

He and his wife unfortunately had a very hard road- they had six miscarriages in as many years and had to go through ALOT of counseling and treatment. They finally got their children thru the use of a surrogate. But yes, it is a good saying, and one that I will take with me to my grave.

MrsT1209 · April 2010

The worst part is the people saying it are either people who still have a baby that is less than a year old and aren't even TTC or someone who was pregnant and JUST had their 2nd child.

I don't understand how people don't think those things are hurtful.

iowandfw · April 2010

MrsT1209:
The worst part is the people saying it are either people who still have a baby that is less than a year old and aren't even TTC or someone who was pregnant and JUST had their 2nd child.
I don't understand how people don't think those things are hurtful.

they probably are not thinking, or are not wearing our shoes......

MandyMilller · April 2010

I haven't told very many people IRL that we're having a hard time (or even that we're trying), but I'd say 90% of those I've told have given me that same response. I know in most cases it's coming from a place of "I want to make you feel better" or "hey, look on the bright side," and people don't know how truly infuriating it is!

I can't stand the implication that wanting to have another baby somehow diminishes how grateful you are for the one you have. No one would ever imply that a woman who got pregnant easily didn't care about her existing child. It's not an insult but a testament to Lanna that I want another child so badly -- she has shown me how fulfilling motherhood can be! Plus, I love my siblings and I want to give that gift to her.

My other favorite is "you had a baby once, so you can obviously get pregnant." If only it worked that way!

MrsT1209 · April 2010

My favorite was the pregnant woman who told me to give up and move on with my life. And she was supposed to be one of my best friends. Needless to say.... we aren't anymore.

waitingforbaby#2 · April 2010

ERICA21779:
you are certainly not alone in this!!! There is nothing selfish about wanting to have more children and you certainly shouldn't have to be made to feel that way

This

iowandfw · April 2010

MrsT1209:
My favorite was the pregnant woman who told me to give up and move on with my life. And she was supposed to be one of my best friends. Needless to say.... we aren't anymore.

ooof. Sorry you lost your friend, but I'd let that one go too.

JosiPeaches · April 2010

I am a firm believer that one should never utter the sentence that begins with the words " at least " ( or any variation thereof ) to an infertile person. It just will not be productive and it sure won't make me feel better.

That and I once asked my mother why SHE was so ungrateful for me that she had to go and want ( and then proceed to conceive within weeks ) my brother. I never heard her say that to me again.

I found it's a lot more about a person's frame of reference than anything. Well, that and this tremendous need to say SOMETHING. For someone who has never experienced IF, they don't get it. To them say, having cancer is the worst thing in the world so if you don't have cancer you are doing okay in their book. Yup, I got 'at least you don't have cancer' too.

Hang in there.

hope4us · April 2010

It's like a stab through the heart when someone says stuff like that. I even had a friend that experienced IF for 3 yrs until she finally got PG with twins say something. Like she was trying to talk me out of doing IVF.

I love that everyone here understands. Hugs to you all!

hoping4more · April 2010

Ugg me too... I hate it when people say that!

wifey006 · April 2010

I've hard that unthoughtful and hurtful response said to me a few times. It just makes me shut them out of my head. I wish people would think before speaking.

kellyloveszach · April 2010

I think that is one of the worst comments. I hear it all the time. People are just clueless.

MrsGabbs4Ed · April 2010

Ugh, I so feel for you. I had to hear that sh*t from tons of people including my own mother!!!! (there is a reason my mother JUST found out about my PG now at 15 weeks!!!). Anyway I do not have any advice but I will tell you what I did. I would nastily snap back (no matter who said it and yes I even used this response on my mother), I would say "yes I know how blessed I am to to have Stephanie but I still have every right to want to give her a sibling"...I know sometimes saying something back may not be the best option but I found that if I at least tried to let the person know that what they are saying did NOT make me feel better then I think it's worth saying something, People don't get it and lots of times they think they are helping the situation by saying those things when they aren't.

schoolsoutbride · April 2010

That is my least favorite response of all time. STFU people! It's b/c my kid is so great that I want another and don't want him to be an only child.

I had a doctor say it to me. Multiple friends.

One friend told me to get over it and stop being self-centered...on the day I started miscarrying. We are not friends anymore.

TessCPDF · April 2010

I'm sorry, MrsT. That's so hurtful to hear and makes me want to throw around some throatpunches for you. Trust me, I'm not making excuses for them. But, I think for some people, it's really hard to understand how much that can hurt to hear when they've never been in the same shoes.

TessCPDF · April 2010

To add on to my previous post, I'm also amazed at the people who DO know heartache and are heartless about it. I happen to personally know someone who's struggled with primary IF. Who actually said that she didn't feel bad for a friend who had a m/c, since she already had one child. O_O

That hurt. A lot. And, it wasn't even about me.

Some people just don't get it.

queenbone · April 2010

Want me to go kick her in the box with pointy toed shoes?

MrsGabbs4Ed · April 2010

schoolsoutbride:
That is my least favorite response of all time. STFU people! It's b/c my kid is so great that I want another and don't want him to be an only child.
I had a doctor say it to me. Multiple friends.
One friend told me to get over it and stop being self-centered...on the day I started miscarrying. We are not friends anymore.

How awful!! I had an a-hole coworker (who I do not get along with at all mind you) actually had the balls to tell me (after my m/c)..."you should be thankful that you have a daughter and a great husband who loves you". I said back "that may be true but I am still allowed to mourn my loss!" She said back to me "yeah I guess you're right". Crap I can't imagine a friend saying something horrid like that.

Amer19 · April 2010

I despise that line. It infuriates me to no end....

Oct2bride2be · April 2010

I'm sorry

I got that response this past weekend and smiled and nodded politely while on the inside I wanted to give the woman a swift punch to the throat.

EastCoastMum · April 2010

My Mother says this to all of the time, and she is one of my best friends - she just doesn't get how insensitive it is to say that to someone. If I was okay with just having one child, do you think I'd go to the lengths I have to get another one?

Frankie · April 2010

Unfortunately, I've had the same thing said to me.

How sad is it that SO many of us have been told such awful comments by family/friends/co-workers, etc. It seems that these people probably thought they were being helpful with their comments too!

Lissa832 · April 2010

Both my parents have told me that I should just be grateful for what I have and stop trying. I am grateful, but that doesn't meant that I shouldn't want to have another baby.

jessie395 · April 2010

I had people tell me the same thing...someone told me that I should be glad I was able to have one child because alot of people can't have ANY. I know that I'm blessed beyond measure to have one child, but I agree with you. What's wrong with wanting her to have a sibling? Someone she can confide in, someone to be there for her when her dad and I are gone. People say the most hurtful things sometimes!

I'm so tired of this response...

Re: I'm so tired of this response...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards