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Infertility
Well, fvck...I'm going to bed...
I am so thrilled with the BFPs lately!!
But on the other hand, I'm sad for myself. Once again, I am reminded that there is nothing I can do that will get me pregnant. I have to adopt.
That's just messed up....I have to settle for a child that someone else didn't want. Thank God for people like that, because otherwise, people like me wouldn't have a flipping chance.
And then I saw this FB status:
I traded eyeliner for dark circles, salon hair cuts for ponytails, long showers for hairy legs, late nights for early mornings, designer purses for diaper bags and I wouldn't change a thing!! I LOVE MY DAUGHTER & SON!!!! With Mother's day drawing near let's see how many Moms Repost this. Moms don't care what we gave up and will continue to give up willingly for our kids!
FML. I'm going to bed...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Well, fvck...I'm going to bed...
I'm so sorry you're hurting, hon. I wish I had the words to make it better for you, but we all know that none of us do. I hope you can get a good night's rest and be in better spirits when you wake up. Know we are here for you...
Marrisa
SAIFW
Thanks everyone...I think I'm just super tired...working two jobs like this is really taking a toll on me.
And I'm thinking about taking a hiatus from FB
Just until after Mother's Day.
TTC since 2007
6 IUIs, 3 IVFs, and 2 m/c :< PCOS, Blood Clotting Disorder & MFI
IVF #2 Aug 2011 is a BFN:<
IVF #3 March 2012 is a BFN
Not sure what to do now. Sad and lost.
Oooh, that or a vacation would be awesome. I seriously feel so overworked lately! And my bar closed down so there goes my Wednesday night Girl's Night Out!
Wait....I have a dark chocolate Dove bar in my purse.
There IS a God and He is good!
I'm sorry you are feeling down.
However, if that is truly how you feel about adoption, you may want to re-think about it. If it feels like settling, perhaps it's not the right path for your family.
Blythe Elizabeth is here March 27,2012
And if I don't adopt, then I'll never have children. And I know once I do adopt, I'll be thrilled.
I agree. To be honest, what you said kind of hurt my feelings. Actually, not kind of, it did.
I have to adopt.That's just messed up....I have to settle for a child that someone else didn't want.
Adoption isn't about settling. And why is it "messed up"? I hope none of the other ladies who are seeking success after infertility through adoption or especially any of the adoptive mommies, don't see this. I would not even consider adoption with this outlook. All that stuff in the fb status has nothing to do with having a bio kid. It's being a MOM. Genetics means crap. And it definitely doesn't make a good parent. I've seen the miracle of adoption, and believe me, those parents did not settle, and would not trade anything that happened to have a bio kid. In the adoptive parents eyes, they have the baby they were supposed to have. My friend's (who is adopted) mother, has told me several times that she honestly can't say that she DIDN"T have my friend. To her, in her heart and mind, she doesn't know she didn't give birth to her. She is as much hers as a bio kid would have been.
But I totally understand that you are hurting, so I'll just send you lots of big {{{HUGS}}} and prayers.
I'm a former member of this board and a current lurker for the most part -- and like AuburnBride, this hurt my feelings tremendously.
I think one of the problems with this board and with PL -- is that the ladies always reassure each other saying "you WILL get pg" -- and frankly that's not always true. No one promised any of us that we would get pregnant. There are no guarantees. None of us are entitled to it.
I won't address whether adoption is right for your family or not, but I will say this -- if you are considering it, you'd better have a major attitude adjustment before speaking with a social worker during your homestudy or a judge at your adoption hearing, because NO social worker and NO judge will let you "settle" for an adopted child. Your homestudy won't be approved and your adoption won't be finalized if they think for a minute you are settling or making a half-assed attempt because you think it's your only chance at being a parent. Even those of us who adopted because we are infertile didn't choose it b/c it was our only chance -- we chose it b/c we want to be parents and it ended up being the BEST CHOICE for our families. You will hear us tell stories over and over about what a huge relief it was to give up treatments and how hopeful and full of joy we were pursuing that path. If it's not for you, that's fine. But don't you dare talk about adoption as "settling."
And finally, on behalf of all of the birthmothers everywhere, SHAME ON YOU for accusing them of not wanting their children. It is not the case of not wanting their children, but a case of not being able to provide the basic necessities for them. I've been where you are, and I know how hard IF is. But I am sad that you're so mired down in your pity party, that you would say something so ugly and hateful about women who give the greatest gift ever to their children (1. choosing life and not aborting, and 2. realizing they don't have the resources to provide and wanting something better for their children) -- this is the most amazing and difficult thing I can imagine anyone doing and I take personal offense on behalf of my daughter's birthmother. They are selfless and amazing and an adopted child is the most beautiful gift anyone could receive.
I know you are feeling bad for yourself so I'm not going to reflect on the above statement too harshly, but read that over a few times and think about what you just wrote.
It may not be that someone didn't want that child, it may be that they loved that child so much that they had to accept that they would never be able to give it the life that it deserved.
Adopted children aren't society's cast-offs and everyone deserves a good life.
I'm sorry you are hurting right now.
The more I read it, the angrier I get. It is completely offensive, on so many levels. I honestly felt a tightening in my chest as I read those words. Honestly, all it does is spit on the dreams of so many people, not to mention the birth parents who DO want and love their kids, they just can't take care of them.
In fact, Jmck, I would recommend reading the following blogs, the first from an adoptive mommy and the other from the birth mother.
https://www.rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com/
https://www.wheredoibegain.blogspot.com
You've always been a really sweet person and I am so surprised that you said something so hurtful. But I DO know how it is to hurt like you are, and I also know that that kind of pain can make you say things that are awful. But there is a very fine line between being sad, hurt, and angry and doing nothing but wallowing in self pity and bitterness (which I have done, so much, the last 3 years).
Yikes.
My best friend just adopted a beautiful little girl after 9 long years of TTC. She was not unwanted. She was wanted very much by her birth mom, but her birth mom knew she wouldn't be able to provide her with the life she deserved. That baby was lucky enough to be wanted by not only her birth mom, but her adoptive mom and dad as well. Lucky little girl.
I agree with Nikki, Sunshine, MrsB and Auburn.
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
It sounds like you have a lot going on and if I am stepping over the lines than you can tell me, but I think you may need to talk to someone.
As a frequent poster on this board I think you know that there are women who are pursing adoption and there is even an adoption check in. As someone who is not pursing adoption I was offended by this, so I can only imagine how those women must feel.
It sounds like you have known about your situation for awhile, but are still having trouble accepting your situation (which I am sure is hard) but as much as it seems like you want to start a family ( I am assuming this because you are on thebump- a pregnancy message board) you are having trouble understanding and embracing the way that you CAN have a family and be a mom.
Please talk with someone before you even consider adoption. Adoption is not settling.
TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs
I know you were upset when you wrote this, but I have to tell you that adoption is one of the greatest gifts. I don't think of my son as a LO that someone didn't want. His BM did want him, but she knew he needed a better life..one that my DH and I could give him.
It's true that I thank God every day for my son and for BM's who have the courage to know that they can't give their bio. child the life he/she deserves.
I'm so thankful that I didn't get pregnant and I wish I didn't go through all the medical interventions and suffer 2 miscarriages, but I know I had to do all that to get to Ben.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.
Ya, I've got to be honest, I was really shocked when I read this as well.
Uh, you don't HAVE to adopt at all. You have a lot of options if you aren't comfortable with adoption, and if you believe it is "settling" in any way, I can promise you that you are not comfortable with adoption.
It doesn't sit well with me for 2 reasons:
1) the implied suggestion that the child must be grateful that you oh so kindly rescued them, which... no.
2) the shockingly offensive statement that someone didn't want them. I have yet to meet a birthmother who didn't ache and long for her child but recognized that another family was in a better position to give them the life they wanted. The research is very clear that the depth of the pain a birth mother goes through is equivalent to the death of a child. To imply that they are just walking into a hospital being like "oh, la la la, who wants my baby?" is just ignorant. These birthparents are among the bravest and underestimated members of our society and they deserve not only your respect and admiration, but also your kindness.
I STRONGLY suggest counselling. And educating yourself.