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Fine until today, rambling

MAH123MAH123
in TTC after 35
I have been positive and upbeat until now. Now I am depressed and feeling like this will not be the cycle. I have tried to prepare myself for possible failure this cycle (my other 2 fresh cycles failed, why would this one work), but I had hope. I haven't POAS yet (I'm 5dp5dt), I'm scared of what the result will be, but part of me is saying just get it over with. Ugh, I hate IF (not that anyone likes it).
1 ectopic 3 m/c's prior to 5/05 Un-freaking-explained IF 5/05 IVF, BFN 9/05 FET 3d5e, BFP = Beautiful Baby Girl (lucky pg #5) 8/08 Fet 3d5e, cp 12/08 IVF with PGD, transfer 3, BFN 5/09 FET transfer 4, BFN Hail Mary IUI with Follistim 9/11 BFP; 9/22 confirmed tubal/MTX 4/10 FET 3d5e, BFP!!!! m/c 5/26/10 1 year break and yet another m/c 5/11 FET #5 initial beat 121, second beta 7 Lap and removal of L tube and very mild endo 7/11 Suprise BFP 12/11 & m/c @ 8 wks. After 11 losses and one beautiful miracle our journey is over, we are thankful and at peace.
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Re: Fine until today, rambling

  • izzourclueizzourclue member
    I am sorry MAH.  But just because the other 2 didn't work doesn't mean that this one won't.  I don't know if you are looking for advice, but when I start obsessing about something terrible happening, I think to myself, "do I have a reason to think this?"  If no, then I am just obsessing (which I tend to do).  Good luck.  I hope you are wrong about your bad feeling and you get your BFP in a couple of days.  Good luck!
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
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  • kinsalebridekinsalebride
    Hang in there. I know how you feel. With IVF #1 it never even crossed my mind that I wouldn't become pg and have a baby - and that resulted in DD #1. With IVF #2 about midway through taking meds I kept having the awful gut feel of 'what if this doesn't work?' I couldn't get it to go away, and I never wound up taking a pg test because I didn't want to see the BFN. That cycle did fail, but we wound up getting pg naturally the very next month. Best of luck to you!
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  • redsoxbonoredsoxbono
    I'm sorry MAH.  IF is horrible.  I've said it before, but it is impossible to "think positive" AND to "not get your hopes up."  They are two totally different things.  Of course you want to protect yourself from disappointment.  I am going to think positive for you.  I am going to send all the good vibes I can your way.  Hang in there!
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  • *Chicken**Chicken*

    I'm sorry, MAH.  I completely understand how you feel. IF sucks big hairy ones. 

    The month that I was pregnant I was sure I had no shot, I had period cramping and could just tell my period was coming. Well it didn't so you still have a chance this month. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Smile

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  • steverstever member
    I'm so sorry. Fingers crossed that it's just a bad feeling and that you'll end up being pleasantly surprised.

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  • pnltyboxpnltybox

    Yes, IF can kiss our collective a$$es!

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way today, and I know how the fear of failure can just take over.  I'm praying that this is the cycle that works for you!

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  • Haribo1Haribo1
    I'm sorry you are feeling this way =(  I really hope it all works out in the end tho.  I understand the feeling of wanting to know but also not wanting to know in case the result is not what you want.  Sometimes, not knowing but still having hope is better than knowing something negative.  Crossing fingers and toes for you!
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  • rach2100rach2100 member

    Sorry MAH...and I'll echo the same sentiments about IF being horrible!  And I sometimes repeat this little saying to myself over and over...

    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles,
    It empties today of its strength.

    I know it is easier said than done...GL and I'm sending positive vibes your way!!

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  • izzourclueizzourclue member
    imagerach2100:

    Sorry MAH...and I'll echo the same sentiments about IF being horrible!  And I sometimes repeat this little saying to myself over and over...

    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles,
    It empties today of its strength.

    I know it is easier said than done...GL and I'm sending positive vibes your way!!

    I love this.  Who said it?

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
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  • JilliansMomaJilliansMoma member

    imageHaribo1:
    I'm sorry you are feeling this way =(  I really hope it all works out in the end tho.  I understand the feeling of wanting to know but also not wanting to know in case the result is not what you want.  Sometimes, not knowing but still having hope is better than knowing something negative.  Crossing fingers and toes for you!

    I agree with Haribo hope is best.  GL GL GL 


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  • Deanne ShehaneDeanne Shehane member
    The third time could be the charm! Stay as positive as you can, MAH! I am thinking all the positive thoughts for you. I have everything crossed. Keep your chin up.  I will probably be feeling the same 10 days from now. The wait is torture.
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  • rach2100rach2100 member
    imageizzourclue:
    imagerach2100:

    Sorry MAH...and I'll echo the same sentiments about IF being horrible!  And I sometimes repeat this little saying to myself over and over...

    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles,
    It empties today of its strength.

    I know it is easier said than done...GL and I'm sending positive vibes your way!!

    I love this.  Who said it?

    Can't remember where I saw it...or who said it...sorry!

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  • lizette0626lizette0626

    imageredsoxbono:
      I've said it before, but it is impossible to "think positive" AND to "not get your hopes up."  They are two totally different things.  Of course you want to protect yourself from disappointment.  

    Ditto on this. I will be crossing my fingers that this is just a bad feeling. I hope you will get happy news soon.

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  • cbeneycbeney
    Hang in there! *hugs!* :)
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